When I first indulged in strap on sex with my partner, the intimacy and intensity of that experience were more than enough to have us hooked, but like any sexual activity, familiarity and repetition can dull that flame of lust. Not one to ever settle for less and being a firm believer that variety really is the spice of life, I set about finding new ways to add something extra to our pegging sessions and ultimately find new ways to elevate our arousal to whole new levels. Let’s take a look at some of the ways you can spice up your strap-on sex sessions.
The assumption is that if you are wearing the strap-on, you will receive very little physical stimulation when pegging your partner and in theory, this does make sense. After all, you are essentially buckling your crotch into a harness and maneuvering your body into various positions that don’t make it easy to reach your own genitals, let alone pleasure them. However, the beauty of strap-on sex is being able to penetrate your partner while at the same time having both hands free to provide further stimulation, connection, and warmth, so with a little imagination and some tweaks here and there, you can make a huge difference to your experience during a pegging session.
There are many different designs on the market and many manufacturers have given some thought to the pleasure of the wearer. You can find open crotch harnesses (jock strap harnesses, for example) that allow direct, unobstructed access to the genitals and even lingerie style harnesses like the Spare Parts Sasha, which come with pockets built in the gusset area. These pockets can hold small clitoral sex toys, like bullet vibrators. Look out for these options when purchasing your strap-on harness.
Of course, harnesses lacking the above options can still be experimented with. An example would be using the strapping material from harnesses that do cover the genitals (like the thong style, or lingerie style harness), to hold a sex toy in place. Depending on the strength and hold of the material, you could successfully use some harnesses to hold a flat based dildo, or a butt plug inside you and even hold a clitoral vibrator against your body. You might think that harnesses with an open crotch design would not allow for this kind of play but you can still create a similar effect by wearing a pair of tight fitting underwear beneath the harness itself. Experimentation is key.
There are certain positions that will make it much harder to access your genitals. An example of this would be him on top. Unless you have exceptionally long arms, you will find that his torso and thighs simply get in the way and your own legs tend to be squeezed together by his thighs anyway. Spoons position will allow you to reach down between your legs, but this position requires you to raise your leg to gain access and that can become tiring very quickly. In my experience, the most successful positions for self-pleasure is doggy style and my personal favorite; them on their back with a pillow under their butt, while I kneel between their legs. This position allows you to reach down between your own legs or alternatively, reach out to stimulate their genitals, while still maintaining eye contact.
Despite finding the perfect strap-on and discovering positions that allow for easier access, it can still be difficult to successfully pleasure yourself. If you are anything like me, you might find it difficult to maintain a rhythmic thrusting motion while trying to stroke yourself at the same time. This is where sex toys come in and one of the easiest and most enjoyable ways to stimulate your own genitals during strap-on sex is through the use of couple’s sex toys, like the We-Vibe 4 and the Lelo Tiani. These C-shaped vibrators are designed to provide a dual stimulation, as one section is inserted into the vagina and the other curves over your vulva, providing a direct and constant stimulation to your clitoris.
A variation of the couple’s vibrator and another sex toy I get a lot of pleasure from during strap-on play is the remote controlled love egg. (The Lelo Lyla is a classic example.) These oval shaped vibrators can be inserted into your vagina before you attach your strap-on harness and they will provide vibrations and stimulation to your g-spot as you thrust, move and even squeeze around them. Love eggs can also be used to stimulate your clitoris, in a similar way to bullet vibrators and thanks to their petite size, you will often find that they fit nicely into those pockets found on certain harnesses. If your harness does not contain pockets, simply use the strapping on your harness, or wear a pair of tight fitting underwear beneath, to hold the sex toy in position.
As you can probably imagine, being able to control your love egg (or any other sex toy) remotely is a huge advantage during strap-on sex, because once the harness is attached, it becomes a lot more difficult to make pattern changes manually. Having a small controller to click is so much easier and I am sure I don’t need to tell you just how exciting it can be to pass that remote to your partner and allow them to control your pleasure as you indulge them in theirs.
We have proved it possible that the person wearing the harness can receive pleasure and spice up their strap-on experience, but what about the person on the receiving end? It might be said that the receiver is already enjoying themselves, but there are still a number of things you can do to add new sensations to the session for them.
The most obvious thing to consider is the strap-on dildo. These dildos come in a wide range of sizes, shapes, and materials and choosing the right size is important for comfort and ease of use, but beyond this, you should also think about texture and the firmness of the material. Highly textured, firm materials will feel quite intense and imposing, whereas softer materials will conform to the body more, feel gentle and provide a more ‘realistic’ experience. You want to consider the psychological elements at play too. If you or your partner fantasize about being penetrated by a real penis, it would heighten the experience to purchase a dildo that looked realistic, or one designed to ejaculate. Heighten the fantasy and you will heighten the experience for you both.
Alternative options for temperature play include placing your dildo in the fridge, or into a basin of icy cold water for five minutes before use (Do not put the dildo in the freezer. Cold burns are painful) If your partner prefers a warmer experience, simply place the dildo into some hot (not boiling) water before play.
Now, we all know that lubricant is a must for anal sex, but most of us will not consider how our choice in the lubricant can alter the experience. Silicone or oil based lubricants are among the best for anal sex because they do not dry up quickly and they provide a silky soft buffer that reduces friction. Silicone and water-based lubricants work best for vaginal penetration. For a completely unique sensation though, you should invest in some specialty lubricants that produce cooling, warming or tingling sensations on the skin. Always do a small patch test first, to ensure the sensation is enjoyable and then simply apply a few drops to the dildo, vagina or anus before you begin to penetrate.
If you are looking for a way to really ramp up the intensity that he or she feels against their prostate or g-spot, I recommend purchasing a vibrating dildo to use in your strap-on harness. The most common options for strap-on play include remote-controlled vibrating dongs, dildos with a hole in the base, into which you can insert a bullet vibrator and even strapless strap-ons (The latter are also great for providing internal stimulation for both partners at the same time), but if you already have a favourite strap-on dildo and want to experiment with vibration, you could always invest in a vibrating cock ring and attach that to the base of the dildo. Ensure you choose a fairly chunky cock ring, like the Lelo Bo, if you intend on using this for anal sex. You want to avoid any potential risk of losing the ring inside the anus.
For the daring among you, who fancy trying something completely unique, I recommend introducing electro stimulation to your strap-on sessions. Electro stimulation uses pads, rings, and probes to provide a tingling electrical current that feels somewhat similar to vibrations and these devices can produce a whole range of sensations, from a gentle tingle to an extremely intense buzz. Some devices, like the Electrostim Flick, allow two people to create a circuit between their bodies and you can both share the stimulation from this device. Using an electro stim device in this way turns every touch into a tingling pleasure.
The best advice I can give you though is to never be afraid to experiment, laugh, love and learn together. Go into each session with an open mind and an aim to discover what pleases you and your partner, both mentally and physically. This way, your strap-on sex sessions will not only be mutually fulfilling, but orgasmic for you both.
This blog post was originally written and published by Gritty Woman.
One Response
First ever heard about site, as a 52 yr male have been interested in strapon sex and have done little with ex-wife and ex-girlfriend really interested in continuing with, how does one find like minded people