When I type the words “Strap-on sex” or “pegging” into my search engine, a multitude of porn clips, erotic stories and informative guides show up. As I scroll through these results, it becomes apparent that the strap-on is most often portrayed as a tool used by dominant females, to make a male submissive feel powerless, emasculated or humiliated. In some cases, the male seems to endure this act (through pain and gritted teeth) in order to fully submit. Now, there are those among us (myself included), who find it highly erotic to use a strap-on in this way and there is certainly nothing wrong with this dynamic, but with very little information surrounding the sensual, intimate side to strap-on sex, it is easy to see why the idea of pegging can intimidate those who have no interest in BDSM or power exchange dynamics. For some, this image is enough to put them off altogether, which is a shame. So today I want to discuss the sensual side to strap-on sex and why you should consider adding it to your sexual repertoire.
So let me begin by reassuring the dubious, that strap-on sex, like any other sexual proclivity, can be enjoyed by anyone, in any kind of relationship, with any kind of dynamic and you should indulge in a way that titillates you and your partner, not the rest of the world. Sex should be enjoyable after all. It can be difficult to find the truth behind the myths and see through the stereotypes, but when you get right down to it; that is all they are. Indulging in strap-on sex sessions does not “make” you anything (homosexual, submissive or anything else you feel you are not), it is simply a new experience, a tool that provides new sensations. Strap-on sex can be tender, erotic and completely pain-free. I refer to this as sensual pegging. The dictionary defines the word “sensual” as “arousing gratification of the senses and physical, especially sexual, pleasure”. Some of our most intense sexual experiences and most vivid memories arise when we stimulate multiple senses (Sight, touch, sound, taste and smell) and with this in mind, it is easy to imagine why so many people enjoy sensual strap-on sex. The harness can be used to stimulate multiple senses at once. Let’s take a deeper look.
Visual information plays a large part in building our arousal (this is especially true for males) and the strap-on harness provides a veritable feast for the eyes. You are stimulating this particular sense from the moment you slip into your harness and it doesn’t (and shouldn’t) end there. In fact, there are many ways you can use the strap-on, to tease your partner visually. Start by considering the overall look (or fantasy) you want to fulfill and then team your strap-on harness with some beautiful lingerie, or even a sexy outfit to suit. (Naked works for many too). Dressing to suit the mood can really help you gain confidence and encourage you to explore new roles more deeply, which can heighten the fantasy. I also recommend that you imagine your strap-on dildo is a real appendage between your legs, because this mindset opens up new, imaginative possibilities. For example, try walking around the room, allowing your partner to watch as the dildo bobs and juts out suggestively, then let them watch as you apply lubricant and begin to stroke and caress the dildo, just as you would a real penis. If the thought appeals, you could even consider
purchasing an ejaculating dildo, for even more visual effect. When it comes to penetration, try getting into positions that allow your partner to watch your hips rolling and thrusting. This incredibly erotic movement is arousing for most people. To add the final flourish, don’t forget to make eye contact occasionally.
Pro tip: When you remove one of the senses, it amplifies the others. If you want to elevate your partner’s sense of touch, for example, consider blindfolding them beforehand.
Physical contact can be electric and while it is possible to penetrate your partner without using a strap-on (using fingers and toys), there are some elements that can only be appreciated with a strap-on harness. The ability to penetrate while keeping both hands free is just one of these amazing benefits. With your hands free to wander, you can caress and stimulate your partner in a variety of ways and different positions provide different opportunities to touch. Some positions, like spoons and missionary, allow for full body contact and cuddling, which feels more intimate than sitting between your partner’s legs with a sex toy. There are many ways to use a strap-on, to tease and tantalize your partner’s sense of touch. Experiment by tapping the dildo against their thighs and buttocks, sliding it along their body, or even pressing it against them as you embrace. You could ask them to stroke the dildo as they would a real penis and for the adventurous among you, kiss, lick and suck it. To heighten the sensations during penetration apply a tingling, or cooling lubricant to the dildo before insertion, or whip out the massage oils for a really tactile, full body experience.
You might be wondering how on earth the sense of taste can be evoked during sensual strap-on sex, but with a little imagination, it can. Just as it is much more difficult to caress your lover without a free hand, it also makes it harder to kiss and lick your partner intimately, while sat between their legs. Of course, using a strap-on will make it difficult to provide oral sex, but it gives you carte blanche to indulge in some passionate kissing, neck nibbling and licking. Mouth to skin contact feels highly intimate.
Not only is communication sexy (think of the time someone whispered something hot into your ear and you melted into a hot pool of lust), it is also helps you discover each other’s desires. Knowing what your partner likes, or doesn’t like, can help you tailor your sessions to suit. If you already enjoy dirty talk, then let it be known by speaking up during your session. If you feel a little shy about vocalising your passion, remember that a sexy moan, sigh or whimper can speak volumes. To help you feel more comfortable communicating in the bedroom, begin by asking questions, or telling your partner your thoughts.
Our sense of smell is also an important, but often overlooked element to sexual arousal and the strap-on lets you penetrate your partner in positions that allow for closeness. Being able to hold each other closely, gives you the opportunity to breathe in the scent of your partner’s hot skin, perfume and kisses. You can heighten this sense by using scented massage oils to stroke, or slide up against your partner’s body during penetration.
The most important point to take away from this article is that strap-on sex can be anything you want it to be. Some enjoy it rough and animalistic, while others prefer a more sensual, playful experience. The amazing thing about pegging is that it provides both physical and psychological pleasure and you can take advantage of this, using the strap-on harness to stimulate a variety of senses and fulfil a variety of fantasies, to mind blowing effects.
This post was originally written by Gritty Woman and published on That Position
