Last year we declared January to be Wankuary to coincide with the launch of our penis masturbator OffBeat and also because we wanted to focus on self care and self pleasure at the beginning of the year. It can be so easy to forget about those things as busy lives take over, work, families and all the day to day stuff that we manage. But setting time aside for yourself is important too and experiencing pleasure, whatever that word means to you, is not something frivolous or self indulgent it is actually really important for both your physical and mental health.
We often think of wanking as a solo activity. Something you do on your own to yourself and whilst that is often the case and should be enjoyed and celebrated because wanking is good for you, it doesn’t have to always be that way. Sharing self pleasure with a partner can be a really exciting and fun way to explore your body and your partners body. So much shame and stigma is attached to wanking that people often feel deeply uncomfortable sharing that activity with a partner but getting past that and incorporating it into your sex life can open up a whole new world of sexy times to share and help you learn more about how your partner likes to be touched.
So here are some ideas of how you can incorporate masturbation into your partnered sex life…
Mirror, mirror on the wall who is sexiest of them all. The answer is obviously YOU. But have you ever masturbated in front of a mirror and watched yourself. You can combine this with a partner and have them watch you while you watch yourself or you watch them while they watch themselves. Being a voyeur is actually something that is fairly inherent in human sexuality and this type of play allows you to be both the watcher and watched and also can help those who feel shy about just masturbating for their partner to watch, as the mirror means you are focusing on watching yourself rather than on the fact that your partner is watching you. For those who find the thought terrifying, I know lots of people have complicated relationships with mirrors and how their bodies look. Try exploring this idea alone before introducing it to your partner so you feel more confident. Remember you don’t have to place the mirror so you can see all the action, you might prefer just standing in front of the mirror, even fully clothed works, or placing the mirror at an angle so you can see yourself from the side or across the room as you lay on a bed. Most of all have fun exploring this alone but then also with a partner. Of course if you have an element of power exchange within your relationship and enjoy Dominant and submissive play this is one where the dominant partner can take control and *make the submissive partner watch themselves.
Buying sex toys together for you both to use to masturbate can be a really great way to involve your partner in your wanking habits. Spending time looking at what each other might like and sharing what you find can lead to lots of sexy conversations about what each of you enjoys. There are so many different types of sex toys available for you to explore these days, and many different places for you to buy them but researching together or for each other can be half the fun of buying them. Of course we can’t miss this chance to suggest that we have lots of dildos for you to pick from for those of you who like penetration, toys for anal and toys for those with a penis.
Of course the shopping is only half the fun. Once yours toys arrive then you can set about using them. Even if you decide that is on your own when your partner is not around you can definitely have fun with telling them about it afterwards. What you liked about your new toy, how you used it, and maybe that can lead to them using it with you at some point in the future. Sex toys really are a great way to explore different things both on your own and with a partner.
One of the things you could consider doing with your new toys is making a video or an audio recording of you masturbating to share with your partner. If you are going to make a video then you will probably want to buy a little tripod to put your phone on but if you are going for an audio recording then all you have to do it lay the phone beside you and hit record. You can also take this idea one step further and get your partner to be the director and camera person and record you whilst you pleasure yourself. This might definitely be something you feel more comfortable with if you have explored the mirror suggestions above too as that will hopefully help you to feel less self conscious and just enjoy the experience and hopefully turning your partner on in the process. One small word of caution though, always think about who you are sharing any recordings with or where you potentially store them so you don’t risk them being seen by the wrong people.
Have you ever read a sexy story to your partner? Or maybe even written one for them? Sharing sexy stories can be a great way to explore fantasies together but also share in each other’s masturbation. Rather than just sharing a sexy story you found or wrote for them to read, why not read it to your partner. You could even start having a story-time part of your week when you take turns reading sexy smut to each other whilst the other persons gets off. Alternatively you could always record yourself reading it or record some dirty thoughts you have had and send it to them so they can listen to it when they are getting off. Hopefully they will share with you how much it turned them on and maybe even tell you what they did and send you something in return.
You can develop this idea further with watching and sharing porn together. Sending each other bits of porn you find hot and sexy can, like stories, help you to show your partner the things that turn you on but searching together for porn that you both enjoy and make the watching of it a shared activity can be extra hot. It might lead you to having some amazing sex together or you can both enjoy masturbating at the same time while you watch whatever porn you have selected. Masturbating together at the same time can be so very hot, it creates a feedback loop of them becoming aroused because you and so on.
What about you? Have you ever masturbated with a partner? Do you have other ideas of how people can enjoy wanking together with their partners? If so share them below and hopefully we can create a little hub of sexy Wankuary partner ideas to inspire everyone.
* Use of the word ‘make’ within this piece is in reference to a consensual power exchange element within a partnership. You should never make your partner do something that you haven’t talked through with them unless you have negotiated that with them as part of a power exchange relationship. Consent is sexy and always required.
Molly Moore – Author, Blogger, Photographer, Speaker, Director of Operations @Eroticon Find me in my corner of the internet at Molly’s Daily Kiss and on Twitter @mollysdailykiss
One Response
Ideas for wanking together, just lie down often I like to attach my naked body to his side. I love to watch him wank it’s so hot, but take note this is how he likes it it’s a top tip to remember and next time your hands are involved you can mimic it. I learnt he likes almost a nip at the head of his penis as thumb and forefinger reach the top. It’s been a great thing to know. I now do this with my mouth also when giving head use my tongue and roof of mouth to mimic the action.
During watching him and snuggled to his side I like to take a small toy I have a small bullet vibrator and just place it on my clit. Leaving it in place allowing me to tune into the sensations but still focus on him. I like to lend a hand and stroke or suck his balls after a while. Often I’ll swap the bullet for the doxy at this point and we both come pretty hard and fast from there.