Not everyone is locked down with a partner right now. Many single people are shut away from friends, family and lovers and so we invited Topher Taylor to share some thoughts and tips on having great cybersex
Hello sexy people, for those of you that don’t know who I am – my name is Topher Taylor. I am a sex educator, sex toy expert and big fan of Godemiche’s sex toys. I got-to-know the team when I reviewed the AMBIT dildo for a Channel 5 TV show last winter ‘Inside the Sex Toy Factory’.
We have all been forced to deal with adjusting our sex lives and sexual appetites to fit the new rules of quarantine, lockdown and social-distancing thanks to COVID-19. It simply doesn’t make sense to be meeting those outside of our households right now for sex. The spread of coronavirus is still somewhat mysterious and with it taking 2-14 days to show symptoms after being exposed – you simply do not know who may be giving it to you or who you may be spreading it to. It’s scary times. Anyway… back to the fun stuff.
If you’re single and sexually active like me, you’ll have been missing physical touch. I can’t begin to tell you how much I even want a guy to awkwardly lay on top of me resulting in me having to push him off. I miss the bad parts too. I miss all of it. I’ve been thinking of ways to keep my sexual appetite quenched without meeting people physically. This has been tough but I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job. I have written a few guides with various tips and coping mechanisms… from using sex toys, to having cybersex, right through to ‘positive sexual practices’ which means doing things to help you FEEL sexy without it being for anyone else’s benefit but your own. I know that sounds corny but it’s something that I truly believe in.
So, anyway, I got asked by Channel 4 to produce a mini documentary about cybersex called ‘Love in Lockdown – Going Solo’ which focused on the part of my day when I was preparing for an online date with a lover. Which is safer than meeting in person. The documentary has now hit 2.5 million views, so this is clearly something that people are interested in – whether it be through sheer morbid curiosity or not.
Cybersex can be really fun if it’s done properly and if you put effort into making it more of an experience. HOW, you ask? (I mean, even if you don’t – I’m going to tell you). If you really want to spice it up, I want you to think about doing the following.
Turn cybersex into an experience
Experiment with lighting. Dress your bedroom/room/office up. Put perfume in the air and play music that you find sexy. Not only does this help create a vibe for the ‘session’ but it helps break your day up and considering how much time that we are all spending at home at the moment… it helps your home feel different for a little while.
Do it with someone that you trust.
We live in an age of instant screenshots, screen recordings and the ability to film almost everything that we do. You can instantly stream yourself to your social media networks with the flick or a button… so ONLY have cybersex with someone that you trust.
Prepare as if you’re going to have sex.
If you typically douche, shave your legs, make yourself up, wear particular costumes etc. for sex, do it for cybersex. Treat this as if you’re actually about to get your insides re-arranged (Gosh, I miss that) or re-arrange someone else’s.
Use a different app.
If you typically talk to your friends/family/colleagues on Zoom or FaceTime… don’t use that for cybersex as accidents do happen. I’ve been using Houseparty because I can equally see how I am looking (I want to look ‘fire’) and equally see them. Just *please* remember to lock the room. Study any new video calling app before getting naked on it.
Let your cam partner know your boundaries, what you’re comfortable with, and how far you’re willing to go. Some people just like to watch, whilst others like to orgasm together remotely. Have a chat about what to expect from the session and you’ll feel much more comfortable diving into your cybersex session. If you aren’t feeling 100% comfy ‘communicating’ this info, then don’t cam with them.
Introducing sex toys
This is going to be a long one… and that’s why I am writing this for the wonderful team at Godemiche. Introducing sex toys into cybersex is mysterious, thrilling and inspires curiosity as your partner watches you. Especially if it’s a new toy.
I was a very lucky ageing twink and got sent two of their aesthetically pleasing masturbators OffBeat: Grande (2 inches) and Venti (4 inches) in ‘Pink UV’ and ‘Watermelon Kiss’. I instantly have to compliment the external grooves which fit your fingers perfectly. They’re super-comfortable and effortless to hold — not feeling awkward as some ‘made to hold’ masturbators do. I’m not naming any names. I am familiar with the luxurious quality of Godemiche’s silicone, as I am the proud owner of the AMBIT dildo which I’ve nicknamed my unicorn dick. But this lightweight, jelly-like material is a lot of fun to play with. Plus, the vibrant colours add to your performance – with Godemiche offering lots for you to choose from.
• The 2-inch ‘Grande’ is ideal for teasing the head – which is particularly fun to do with someone watching. The internal texture is very intense without being too sharp. The Pink UV is absolutely stunning. I wish I had a UV black light was that would be particularly fun on webcam – maybe involving some UV Body paint, too? (I did say have fun with this and make it an experience). I applied some water-based lube its internal texture and to my dick and basically slide inside and started to twist it around. The sensations are impossible to ignore. If you are uncircumcised, I’d advise doing this quite slowly as its very intense. I’m circumcised myself so could be a little rougher. If you are a penis-owner, tell your cam partner to watch your face closely with the first few strokes. It’s made my hips tingle and that’s no exaggeration. Just make sure you’ve used plenty of lube. Make sure you twist, rub and turn it. Grind it around like you’re gyrating your wrist for the best sensations. This would be great to introduce to blowjobs if I wasn’t banned from seeing guys at the moment.
• The 4-inch ‘Venti’ is a size and shape that I am much more used to, though typically from mass-produced sex toy brands. You can feel the difference with this toy and it’s wonderful to support and intendent business who hand-make all their products. I’m not just saying it as I am writing for Godemiche but the lightweight-yet-firm material feels lifelike and sexy. As soon as I ‘slid’ inside, I was impressed. This choice of texture is absolutely perfect – its intense and impossible to ignore. I sometimes have issues with silicone masturbators as I am quite *ahem* ‘blessed’ but this stretched perfectly with a lifelike squeeze. It didn’t strangle my dick like some silicone and TPR toys have done in the past. This is exactly the kind of wank toy you want in the bedside table, it’s not complicated, it feels great and is easy to discreetly store in it’ pop-top pot. Bringing yourself to orgasm with ‘Venti’ is easy, simply because it feels good. I compliment Godemiche on both the simplicity of the OffBeat as well as the attention-to-detail on these cute products. I am a big fan.
• Clean up is so simple as it’s such a simple shape. Flip OffBeat inside out, spray your sex toy cleaner spray throughout, rinse under water, repeat – leave to dry. Don’t put it back into it’s pot until its completely dry and remember to not store your silicone sex toys touching one another.
If you’re not comfortable performing with toys on cam, then just start by masturbating and take baby steps into introducing ‘extras’. No-one is expecting you to become a porn star or cam queen, this is just something fun to do with people you find sexually attractive, and hopefully have an orgasm at the end of it. There’s something quite thrilling about watching someone you find sexually attractive being pleasured — without the jealousy of it being another human. I know lots of people out there like to share… but I don’t. So, for now, I’d be happy to watch them use toys.
If you have any questions about how to enjoy your Godemiche sex toy or want some camming tips, you can always DM me. I’m happy to help.
Topher Taylor is the host of ‘Sex with Topher’ the podcast. He’s a sex educator and sex toy expert from London — with a focus on self love and confidence.