Anal play (sexual activity, either solo or with a partner(s) involving the back passage) can be an exciting if you want to experiment with something new.
However, it’s not uncommon to feel daunted by anal play. Let’s face it, most have us have seen or heard of some form of anal play, be it horror story or extreme anal sex scenes in porn films by professional performers. It can feel like either one or the other, either you love it or you hate it, swearing never to do it again.
It might not seem like it, but there is a wealth of information online, by experienced and reputable sex educators, on how to do anal play safely and have a great time in the process. From my own experience experimenting with anal play, here’s what I would recommend for someone trying out:
Really Think It Through
Be honest with yourself: do YOU want to try this? We’ve all heard the story of ‘that’ partner trying to pressure someone into doing anal sex, and I’m saying right here and now: that’s not OK. You should never pressure a partner (or yourself, for that matter) into doing anything.
If anal simply isn’t your thing, that’s perfectly OK! Everyone has their own likes and dislikes and your boundaries should be respected. It’s OK if you’re unsure, but are OK to try it once to see if you like it and go from there. It’s also ok to really be up for it. Either way, make sure you’re making this decision for you and with the mutual consent of your partner. The same goes for them as well. If they say no, you need to respect that too.
Stay with me, I know this might sound a bit odd or out there, but I found for myself that this can be a great way to explore anal play: audio porn.
Audio porn and erotica has been on the rise for a number of years, providing immersive and, depending on who you’re listening to, more inclusive, sexual experiences. As you can imagine, anal sex and anal play can be on the audio porn menu, provided by a host of reputable content creators on apps like Vanilla Audio and Try Quinn, to name a few.
So why not try it out? Get those headphones, find a voice you like and listen away. See what you think, see how you feel and how your body responds to the immersive fantasies playing in your ears. There are many different audio erotica pieces involving anal play, from first time to hard BDSM scenes. If it’s too much or not your thing, you can simply press the stop button. The power is always in your hands and like in an in real life situation, you have every right to withdraw consent at any time.
You could try some anal massage, or using a butt plug or dildo to mirror what’s going on in the audio, again, seeing how you react mentally, emotionally and physically. As well, audio can be used, like music, as sensory deprivation if you’re doing a kinky scene with a partner. It is a very versatile tool!
A Little Kink…
If you’re kinky, or looking to experiment with kink in the bedroom, why not try some light D/s (Dominance and submission) play involving anal or preparing you for anal. Anal play, especially anal sex, requires a lot of relaxation. The anus does not lubricate itself like the vagina, for instance, and that along with being tense will make it just straight up hurt.
This isn’t for everyone, I understand that. With me, I find the psychological aspect of D/s play a major relaxer, with words and sensory, sensual play catapulting me into a subspace that relaxes me enough to try anal sex. Experimenting with something as simple as honorifics (Sir, Mistress, Daddy, Alpha etc.) can set a power dynamic that can make your play all the naughtier. If engaging in kinky play however, always make sure to play safely, have full consent of those involved and have safe-words in place.
Anyone who knows me knows I love oral sex. So it comes as no surprise that I recommend oral sex as a great way to explore anal play.
Oral sex to the anus (also known as ‘rimming’) is a fantastic way to relax the body and prepare for any kind of anal penetration, if that’s what you’re going for. It can also be enjoyed just by itself. It doesn’t have to be precursor to anything else! Just how oral sex to the penis and vagina can feel great, it can also feel good there.
Some safety disclaimers: With the back passage being, well, the back passage, it’s important to make sure you’re clean down there. Have a shower and see to any bowel movements. One, for personal hygiene, and also, we don’t want any potentially graphic accidents.
If you’re with a new partner and/or have not been STI tested, or just want a barrier between your back passage and the partner giving the oral sex’s mouth, use a dental dam (a square of latex that can be used for safe oral sex, that can come in a variety of flavours) to protect everyone involved. Also if using any sex toys i.e. a strap-on, always cover them with a condom if it’s a one night stand, casual sex or you and a new partner have not been STI tested yet.
Don’t Push Yourself
This is important. Don’t put pressure on yourself to do something if you’re feeling unsure or don’t want to. Listen to yourself and listen to your body as well. Do you have any health concerns that might make anal play difficult or unsafe for you? Does the thought of exploring this excite you or fill you with dread? Don’t feel like you have to like anal simply because it’s one of the more common sexual practices.
If you’re going ahead with exploring and that’s what you want: good for you. Make sure to use plenty of lube, especially if you’re looking at penetration, and to breathe. Penetration or not, make sure to relax.
After all, this is all about having fun and exploring sexuality!
Violet Grey (She/Her) is a UK based sex blogger and erotica writer. An Eroitca nut, when she’s not writing erotica, chances are she’s probably reading or listening to it!