Whether you’re just starting out with strap-on sex or looking to upgrade your toy collection and try new things, buying a strap-on dildo can be a minefield. There are so many options out there, how can you possibly know what to choose?
Here are a few things to consider when you’re picking your next strap-on toy.
Any sex toy you buy should always be made of a body-safe, non-toxic, and preferably non-porous material. Unfortunately, the adult industry is largely unregulated and this means that some unscrupulous companies make false claims about materials. Always buy from a reputable maker or retailer.
Body-safe materials include silicone, glass, hard plastic, stainless steel, treated wood, and ceramic. Materials to avoid include jelly (or anything with “gel” in the name), TPE, TPR, PVC, latex, and rubber. By far the best material for a strap-on dildo is 100% silicone. It’s soft and pliable, very durable, and completely body-safe.
When you buy your dildo, get some compatible lube, too. Water-based lube is best for silicone toys. If you’re going to use your strap-on with more than one receptive partner, grab some condoms – this prevents any risk of STI transmission through the toy.
It sounds obvious, but don’t forget to ensure your chosen toy is harness-compatible. A broad base is required for a toy to fit and stay in a strap-on harness. This could be a simple flared base, a suction cup, or a pair of balls.
You should check the ring size, too. Many (though not all) strap-on harnesses allow you to swap out the O-ring for a larger or smaller one. When you buy your new dildo, check what ring size you need and ensure that it will fit into your harness. Many sex shops sell sets of O-rings in different sizes that work with most harnesses.
Dildos come in numerous different shapes and sizes. Remember: bigger isn’t always better! Consider the needs and preferences of the person (or people) who will be getting penetrated with the toy. Some people enjoy the challenge of taking very large toys, while others prefer something a little smaller. Ask your partner what they like.
Don’t forget to factor in girth as well as length. Some people prefer thicker toys, while others find slimline toys more comfortable. There’s no one perfect size, because we’re all different.
In general, a smaller and slimmer dildo is a better bet if you’re planning to do pegging or anal play, or if you’re a beginner to strap-on sex. But this isn’t always the case and you should always be guided by the receptive partner’s preferences.
Dildos come in different shapes and designs. Yes, they are all broadly phallic in nature, but there are many variations on that theme.
Do you want a dildo that is straight or curved? Curved dildos can be fantastic for hitting the G-spot or prostate with more precision. On the other hand, some people find that straight toys are better for achieving deep penetration, if that’s what they’re into.
Are you looking for a hyper-realistic toy, complete with vein detailing and balls, or something more abstract? Do you want a textured toy or a smooth one? Textured toys like the Skrue and Absolem produce a very different sensation and can be more intense. Do you prefer a toy with a pronounced head, or one that’s the same width all the way along? Toys with bulbed heads (like the Ambit) can feel amazing against the G-spot or prostate.
Consider rigidity, too. Silicone dildos vary hugely in levels of firmness and flexibility. In general, I recommend avoiding anything that is excessively flexible, as this can make it more difficult to aim accurately when thrusting.
Finally, consider how you want your toy to look. Strap-ons are very personal things, even more so than many other types of toys. Some people consider their strap-on to be an extension of their body when they’re wearing it.
So what do you want your strap-on to look like? What will make you feel happy and excited when you slide your harness on and see the dildo between your legs? Perhaps you want something very realistic in a colour that matches your skin-tone. On the other hand, perhaps you’re into the idea of something brightly coloured, glittery, or even sporting your favourite LGBTQ+ pride flag?
Dildo designs and possibilities are almost endless. So take your time, shop around, and see what looks and feels good to you.
Happy shopping!
Amy Norton (she/they) is a sex writer, blogger, and pleasure product afficionado who has been running her site, Coffee & Kink, since 2016. She is a polyamorous, queer femme and lives in the UK with her nesting partner, cat, and frankly ridiculous collection of vibrators.
