We are delighted to kick off 2021 on our blog with another fabulous guest post from Violet Grey all about her experiences when it comes to a spanking!
I’ve you’ve read any of my content before, you’ll know I love me some spanking.
Along with bondage and femdom, spanking revealed itself to be a fantasy of mine primarily in my formative years as I grew into a young woman. Honestly, I was quite conflicted about my apparent growing ‘thing’ for being dominated with some kinky spanking in the bedroom.
Receiving spankings, as it is technically, a form of impact play, has varying degrees of sadomasochistic elements to it. From playfully swats that excite the pain-pleasure threshold, to the full-on, bruise inducing spankings loved by sadists and masochists alike. The idea of liking giving or receiving some manner of pain, something I always knew to be bad, left me asking myself questions. Was there something wrong with me? Am I psychopath for liking this?
As I became an adult and started doing more research into BDSM (the one good thing Fifty Shades of Grey did for me as a reader) I found out, spanking was actually a pretty common kink, with self-confessed ‘spankos’ dedicating blogs, books and even porn to spanking. This can range from the black and white, lingerie clad pictures and films, to the red-cheeked, bare arsed spankings in Victorian settings, an homage to Victorian erotica, where the stern headmistress administering punishments was very popular.
While the old-school Victorian style set up isn’t my thing, I do like some lingerie and kinky sex, especially if it involves some Dominance and submission (D/s) elements.
My First Time Getting Spanked
So what happened on my first time getting spanked? I remember very fondly! It wasn’t long after me and my boyfriend first got together. Those early days of the relationship when you’re at it like rabbits all the time. Given that before my boyfriend, I had only had sex once before, there was a lot of exploration going on, as, well, pretty much all kinds of sex was a first time.
Anyway, this one night, like most, we were getting frisky, both naked in bed. I’m straddling his face while he gives me oral sex. I was holding on to the headboard as his hands held my backside and hips. Honestly, that being one of my all-time favourite things to do in the bedroom, I was feeling myself from the off!
With the wonderful pleasure that oral sex in the form of face-straddling gives me, I was curious about what a few spanks would feel like to go with it. His hands were on my bum anyway, so why not try it? Taking his hand, I moved it back and forth so it would spank me. A non-verbal ‘spank me’ if you will. He did and to my surprise, the feeling of slight sting with pleasure I was being given between my legs, I knew something inside me had just been unleashed. If I didn’t know I was into spanking before, I certainly did now.
Over The Knee
This was another element of spanking that I was unsure of trying, despite having D/s themed discipline role-play fantasies about: Over the knee (sometimes known as OTK) spanking.
The general idea of OTK spankings reminded me too much of the old-school corporal punishments, where you’d get the slipper for talking too much in class. However, in the go-to settings in my fantasies, usually in some satin-clad luxurious bedroom or BDSM dungeon, usually with a Dominant, both of us in dark clothing as I’m being dominated, either by sensual domination or a ‘funishment’ I thoroughly enjoyed the idea of being taken over a handsome man’s knee for some mutually fun sexy time.
So, dipping my toe into the kinky waters, I brought this up with my boyfriend. He’d spank me more regularly during oral sex, and one afternoon, while he sat up in bed, I, naked, lay on my belly over his knee, with a vibrator between my legs.
Why not try it? This was my train of thought throughout these experiences. With a wealth of new sexual experiences at my fingertips, during the exciting whirlwind times that is a new romance, I wanted to try everything.
So with the one and only vibrator I owned at the time, I set the speed up to full against my clit while my boyfriend spanked and soothed the sting with his hand against my bare backside. Taking things slowly, we started soft before working up the intensity. We didn’t go too hard, as bruises are not our thing and our goal was more about exciting the senses than it outright hurting.
My goodness, it felt so good! Mixing some pain and pleasure I found, heightened my sexual pleasure all the more, even bringing me to orgasm a few times! The pleasant, naughty shock of something generally considered forbidden or taboo in certain circles (BDSM is unfortunately still stigmatised) arousing me, not to mention my boyfriend.
During these spankings, we enjoyed mixing up the intensity, my boyfriend building up anticipation, leaving me not knowing when he was going to spank next, and surprising me with a swift swat when I least expected it, soothing the sting with a gentle rub before starting again.
While not one who sees the appeal in degradation play or hardcore BDSM himself, my boyfriend enjoys his kinks as do I. While switching things up every so often depending on our mood, he favours being the more dominant partner in the sack, and when I broached my being more sexually submissive, loved it when I gave him more headway to take charge between the sheets. And as you can imagine, like most men, he’s not averse to giving his girlfriend an appreciative slap on the arse!
Say Hello To My Little Friend!
Now obviously, you don’t have to use implements for a naughty bedroom spanking. Our hands can be more than enough! However, many, myself included, enjoy different sensations, textures, and in the case for masochists, pain levels, that implements can give.
So what kinds of implements can one use? Well, there are many! Some are specifically designed for the purposes of spanking or other forms of impact and sensation play. Some are everyday objects that can be used for kinky purposes (sometimes known as ‘pervertables’). Such examples are:
- Riding crops
These implements vary from beginner to advanced level, some requiring classes in how to wield properly, i.e. floggers and whips in particular. However, this should be the case with all implements, including the ones on the ends of our arms. Safety and consent is absolutely paramount.
So after some experimenting with my boyfriend’s wonderful, strong hands, I asked if he’d be down for trying a paddle. He agreed. So, on a sale, I bought a leather paddle (specifically, the Triple Heart Spanker from Anne Summers), brandishing my purchase to him with a mischievous grin.
He takes the paddle and smacks it in the palm of his hand. The sound is delicious and I’m already fantasising about how he can use it on me. He looks at me, eyes darkening with a smile.
‘Get over here…’
He doesn’t have to tell me twice. I practically skip over, turning around, presenting my yellow sundress covered arse to him. Holding my hip to keep me steady, he runs the flat of the paddle over my behind before landing a few gentle, then more intense, spanks. I giggled with excitement, he blushed (he gets a little shy, bless him) and got hard. We were going to have some fun with this.
We’ve used the paddle a few times (note: it stings much more on bare skin, so go slowly!) including me trying it on him, which was fun! Being a Switch, this definitely sated my Domme side, paddling a muscular man who’s asking you to spank him. Phew! *fans self*
So overall, I’ve found over the years that spanking is one of my biggest kinks. Fancying some D/s play? Spank me. Kinky sex? Spank me. Want to send me head first into a submissive headspace? Spank me. I guarantee if there’s bondage involved, I’d love for a spanking to follow.
I’ve even found that if I’ve had a stressful day and just crave that submissive headspace, sometimes a little spanking can serve as stress relief for me. Not all the time, but when that mood strikes.
It’s incredible how trying out a fantasy has become a massive part of my kinky identity. Experimenting involves a lot of trial and error, but if you want to try it and your partner’s up for it? Go for it! If you don’t like it, don’t feel bad. We don’t all like the same things. Find what you enjoy and as always, safety and consent is most important, especially when trying something new.
Violet Grey (She/Her) is a UK based sex blogger and erotica writer. An Eroitca nut, when she’s not writing erotica, chances are she’s probably reading or listening to it!