Squirting is one of those topics in the sexuality world that is both intensely alluring and intensely controversial to many people. Some people are still questioning if it even exists, while others feel frustrated that they haven’t been able to get there.
So: let’s talk squirting!
“Squirting refers to the expulsion of fluid from folks with vulvas during sex,” according to sex educator and coach Gigi Engle.
Squirting is different from the natural lubrication that vaginas produce during sexual arousal. When a person squirts, they expel fluid from their Skene’s gland, which is inside the urethra towards the bottom.
It’s sometimes referred to as “female ejaculation,” but I don’t like that term because not everyone with a vulva is a woman (and not all women have vulvas!) So I’ll refer to it as squirting but please be aware that some of the sources I’ve linked to use gendered language.
Let’s clear this up to begin with: yes, it’s a real thing!
With that said, the squirting orgasms you see in mainstream porn probably aren’t real. Porn is a performance designed for entertainment, and should not be taken as a rulebook for what sex is really like off-camera.
Personal disclosure time: I don’t know, because it’s never happened to me!
So, like any good sex journo, I asked Twitter. Here are a few of the interesting responses I got:
“Like a huge earthy build-up, really low… then swooooosh, a big cold gush that can’t be stopped!”
“Like a warm waterfall.”
“Uncontrolled. All the usual pleasures of a big orgasm with a wave that washes out, too. For me, it’s usually after a build up of several previous orgasms.”
“The word I would use is “release.” The pressure builds and builds until there is nowhere for it to go but out!”
“Wet, warm… and half way through, wondering whether it would be a fantastic idea to put another towel down!”
“A huge release, not just full body tingles and pleasure but also internally in places that don’t usually quiver with joy with a clitoral orgasm.”
An interesting theme that emerged is that for some people, squirting is synonymous with orgasm. But for many others, squirting can occur with or without simultaneous orgasm.
So here’s the thing. Sexual pleasure and response in people with vulvas is woefully under-researched! So there are different schools of thought on whether or not the fluid that is expelled during squirting is urine.
I don’t have the space or the expertise here to delve deeply into this question. Check out these articles if you’d like to know more:
The short answer is that squirt probably isn’t just pee, but there might be some urine in it. But what I’d like to propose is that it doesn’t matter. The implication in this question is that if it’s pee, that’s therefore gross. But squirting feels amazing to the people who experience it, and many people find it super hot when their partners squirt. So who cares if there’s a little pee in there?
The true but unsatisfactory answer to this question is that we don’t know. According to the International Society for Sexual Medicine, somewhere between 10% and 50% of people with vulvas squirt.
Theoretically, anyone with a vulva has the potential to squirt in that they have the physiology necessary for it to happen. But that doesn’t mean everyone can, will, or even wants to! Some vulva-owners will squirt every time they have sex, while others will do it occasionally or from a specific kind of stimulation. Some people might have a fluke experience where they do it once and never again. And many will never experience it.
It sounds counterintuitive, but the more you try, the less likely it is to happen. This is true of orgasm more broadly, and it’s absolutely true of squirting. Most of us can’t experience our best sexual pleasure when we’re under a lot of pressure or stress, and striving to achieve a particular result creates – yep – pressure and stress!
There are some activities that seem to be more likely to induce squirting than others. Many people who squirt say that intense G-spot stimulation, which may or may not be combined with clitoral stimulation, is the best way to get them there.
A curved dildo with a pronounced head like the Godemiche Ambit is a great way to get that intense and prolonged G-spot stimulation. Some people also report that a curved and very rigid toy, such as Njoy’s stainless steel Pure Wand, can get them there.
Experiment with different positions, too. You’ll need to be comfortable, and you or your partner will need to be able to reach your G-spot easily. If you want to stimulate your clit, choose a position that allows you to do that easily. There’s no magic position that can make people squirt, so try things out and see what works for you.
But the most important things are to relax, free yourself from the pressure of chasing a specific result, and enjoy the experience. Perhaps you’ll squirt and perhaps you won’t. Squirting isn’t better than not squirting, and many people who do it say that it doesn’t necessarily imply a stronger orgasm.
Many people, particularly cis men, really fetishise the idea of making their partner squirt. And that’s fine, except that it can result in that stress and pressure we talked about. And that can lead to frustration for both of you, which will harm your sexual connection and possibly your overall relationship.
Sex isn’t a performance, and squirting or “making” your partner squirt isn’t a sign of your amazing sexual prowess. It’s just a thing some bodies do. The best sex is a shared journey of discovery and constant curiosity. So stay open, keep communicating – and lay off the pressure!
Are you both having fun? If so, you’re doing it right.
Let us know in the comments or by email – we might do a follow-up if there’s more you want to know!
Amy Norton (she/they) is a sex writer, blogger, and pleasure product afficionado who has been running her site, Coffee & Kink, since 2016. She is a polyamorous, queer femme and lives in the UK with her nesting partner, cat, and frankly ridiculous collection of vibrators.
2 Responses
Awesome article! I’ve been told that overstimulation can be as big of a barrier to it as under, and that prior clitoral stimulation is often quite vital to the process.
My boyfriend made me squirt for the first time (ever in my life) with an ambit! Fully recommend it. Since we’ve managed it in a few different ways, it feels great.