Squirting is sexy, but not everyone finds the cleanup as fun. And while some squirters may find it a little arousing to sleep in the wet spot, others would rather drift into dreamland on dry sheets.
So what do we do when we or someone sharing our bed is, well, a squirter? Squirting is a completely natural occurrence for many, but not all, vulva-owners. As a result, it’s not always possible (or even desirable) to try to stop a person from squirting. This kind of restraint during sex can lead to stress and impact arousal, perhaps even getting in the way of orgasm.
You can try to reduce squirting without these effects by avoiding liquids in the hours before sex and emptying your bladder ahead of time. However, this isn’t always practical and sexytimes are generally better when everyone’s well hydrated. Perhaps a better idea is to embrace squirting, and use these tips to manage the delightful mess it creates.
1. Choose A Good Squirting Location
Don’t ask me how I know, but there’s something extremely satisfying about an orgasm accompanied by the sound of a splash against a tile floor.
If an opportunity to have sex arises spontaneously for a squirter, it can pay off big-time to scan the area for splash-friendly surfaces. Couches and mattresses tend to soak up a spill. Tile, linoleum, laminate, and outdoor surfaces are generally safe to get wet and easy to clean. The shower or bathtub, of course, is perfectly designed for this purpose.
This doesn’t mean you have to lie down on these hard surfaces, of course. Consider standing or sitting positions, or use cushions to kneel.
2. Use a Sex Blanket
Believe it or not, you can drop a lot of money on a blanket designed to soak up the fluids of sex—but you don’t have to. Just about any dense, absorbent blanket will do the trick. Fold it at the foot of your bed or store it underneath in a drawer or container.
A sex blanket is often denser and covers more area than a towel. If you or a partner is a generous squirter, and/or if you move around the bed a lot during playtime, a blanket is the way to go. Use one you’ve already got around the house, and save that fancy sex blanket money for some sex furniture instead.
If for whatever reason you must go for a towel, look for ones with a tight weave that are soft and comfortable. You may also want to get a few and stack or fold them, as many squirters soak right through regular towels.
3. Protect Your Mattress
I know, I know, the idea of a crinkly plastic liner over your mattress is probably the least sexy thing imaginable!
But mattress liners and bed pads have come a long way in recent years, and for some squirters the wet spot soaks through even the thickest of blankets. In this situation, a small investment that saves on cleanup and mattress replacement makes sense.
Look for high-quality, washable liners with real cotton on one side. The cotton will eliminate any unsexy sounds while absorbing and containing the wet spot. After sex, remove the sheets and liner and throw them in the wash! Invest in a second liner so you always have a replacement ready.
4. Clean It Up Right
Sometimes, even the best-laid plans don’t go as expected. Whether the towels shifted or your position over the tile floor actually kept the couch in the splash zone, something’s bound to get wet that wasn’t meant to.
When this happens, it’s important to remember that this biological spill shouldn’t be cleaned with bleach. Instead, use diluted vinegar or a product made for cleaning up pet messes. Blot the solution into the wet spot with a damp rag, and let it dry. If a scent lingers, shake baking soda on the area then vacuum it up in 30 minutes.
Some powder sprays made specifically for this purpose also exist. With either method, if you’re cleaning a couch or a mattress that you’re worried about staining, test a small, less noticeable area before addressing the larger spot.
Squirting is Fun…Let’s Keep it That Way!
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, so the saying goes. As we can see, squirters and their partners know this from experience. To avoid big cleanups, plan to get wet. Choose a location that’s easy to clean, or make it easy to clean with a blanket or protective liner. If mistakes happen—and they will—clean with safe chemicals known to manage biological messes.
Next time you’re getting wet and wild, try one of these tips out. Then, let us know how it went in the comments.
Shannon (they/she) is a sex coach and content writer residing in New Orleans.