It is completely normal to have sexual fantasies. Pretty much every one has them to come extent or other but like so many things the things human fantasies about vary widely from person to person. For some people the things they fantasies about can be pretty wild and for others their imaginings would be viewed as being fairly mainstream but they are the things that when we let our imaginations go turn us on. But should you turn your turn your sexual fantasies into reality or are they best kept inside your mind?
Can you turn your sexual fantasies into reality
Some sex fantasies are more achievable than others. If one of your things is to fuck a famous Hollywood star in front of your partner that might be one that is going to be tough to live out for real as getting the Hollywood star to play along might be tricky. Same goes for any fantasy that involves any unobtainable character whether that it your partner’s boss or a 6ft alien with tentacles. Likewise if your fantasy is in a location that is not really accessible, maybe you have always fantasied about doing it on the pitch at Wembley or in the elevator at your work, then that is going to make it much harder to achieve. However if your fantasy is about a 3some or being tied up or going to a kinky dungeon or play party then clearly those things are much easier to achieve. However even the most outlandish and wild fantasy can still be achieved with some imagination and adaption.
Sharing your fantasies
Being open and honest with your partner(s) about the things that turn you on is a very important part of having a happy and healthy partnered sex life. However sometimes it can be daunting revealing your dirty thoughts to another person but creating a environment where you can both explore your various fantasies in a non- judgemental way is a really good thing to do.
If you are finding it tricky though start with maybe sharing some porn or an erotic story with your partner that maybe touches on some aspect of what turns you on. You can then use that as a way to start a conversation and talk about what you both like or don’t like and that can help you to start having those types of conversations with your person. The more you talk about sex and the things you desire the more likely you are to be able to explore each others turn ons leading to more sexy fun for you both.
Bring others into your fantasies
Often our fantasies involve potentially bringing another person into the mix. Maybe you want to do a 3some or a 4 some or even a big ole orgy of people. Maybe you have fantasies about fucking a specific person like your partner boss or the postman. This is definitely an area where you should proceed with caution. It might seem like a hot idea to invite your best friend to fuck your partner but what if by doing so you start a chain of events that leads to your losing that friendship? Clearly it depends on the friend as some of us have kinky fun friends who would be totally up for it and understand it was a one off thing but others might not and that is where things get complicated. One big piece of advice is that when involving other people in your sex life always make sure you take plenty of time to discuss it with them first and be absolutely clear about what it is you want to happen and also what you do not want to happen. Being careful with personal relationships should be very high on your list when you are considering whether to explore a fantasy for real and mostly never ever fuck your partners boss.
Adapting your sexual fantasies
Even the wildest most far fetched fantasy can be adapted to make it doable in some way or other you just have to use that dirty imagination you have and think about ways you can adapt things to make it work. For example if your fantasy is seducing a stranger in a bar while your partner watches then finding someone to play the stranger is the important part. You could potentially ask a friend but you could also hire a sex worker to play the stranger as that would definitely give you that thrill of them being someone you didn’t really know and as they are a professional they you are not going to risk a personal friendship in the pursuit of your fantasy.
Other ways you can adapt things to make them doable are by taking an idea and just exploring elements of it. So if for example if your fantasy is to have do a double penetration scene with 2 people with a penis but you are not comfortable about actually bringing another person into your sex life then you can still explore the sensation of it by using sex toys to simulate the other person alongside your partner. Of maybe of you have a fantasy that features tentacle sex or being penetrated by a mythological creature with a large penis then you can buy the right dildo to help your partner act out this fantasy with you.
And finally don’t forget you can weave elements of each others fantasies into your dirty talk. So if for example your partner has a fantasy about someone watching you have sex together you could blindfold them and then whilst your are touching them talk about all the people who are watching and how much they are enjoying the show. Get them to imagine it is actually happening and let them explore their fantasy in that way. It can be hugely powerful and a big turn on and often lead to really intense orgasms. The mind is truly amazing when you allow it to imagine freely and without judgement or restraint.
Planning makes perfect
If you are going to play out a sex fantasy for real make sure you spend time planning it out carefully. Clearly some will be more complicated than others. If your fantasy is having a group of people watching you having sex then finding a local swingers club will probably make that relatively easy to achieve. However if your fantasy involves a kidnap scene and a dark basement that is going to present more of challenge. Again, with the right help from the right people it is still doable but definitely not as easy and is going to take lots more preparation. So make sure you really think about what you want your fantasy scene to be like and what things you need to work out to make it happen. The planning can often turn out to be as hot and sexy as actually doing it and certainly bring in an element of anticipation to the whole thing.
Should you turn your sexual fantasies into reality?
So we have tackled whether you can potentially fulfil your sexual fantasies for real but just because you can do it doesn’t necessarily mean you should but really at the end of the day that is a question only you can answer for yourself. However often our fantasies can be so extreme, dark or wild that whilst the idea of them is super hot to us we wouldn’t want to actually do them for real. Just because they turn us on when we think about them doesn’t mean always mean we want to experience them. Lots of people have fantasies about non-consensual sexual acts but they wouldn’t actually want to experience them for real in person. Some people are also of the opinion that fantasies loose their potency if you actually do them for real or there is a risk that it might be disappointing in person which would mean that it would no longer be hot in your head either.
The answer to, should you turn your sexual fantasies into reality is maybe…. Living out sexual fantasies can be fun and exciting and definitely add an extra sexy dimension to your sex life and if they are possible to do and your partner is onboard then as a general rule I would absolutely say go for it, just be realistic about what you can achieve and always make sure you act ethically and don’t involve others in your sex life who have not consented to it but if you are not sure or in any doubt whatsoever then approach with caution. Sometimes fantasies are best left as they are.
Molly Moore – Author, Blogger, Photographer, Speaker, Director of Operations @Eroticon Find me in my corner of the internet at Molly’s Daily Kiss and on Twitter @mollysdailykiss