It’s not just scouts and guides who need to be prepared, it’s a transferable skill to many parts of your life. A kink date being one of them! As Fetish events of all kinds are beginning to open up again it’s a good time to think about how you can be ready for anything and everything kink from private encounters to play parties. Victoria Blisse has the hints and tips you need to give you a bit of peace of mind going out into the world of kink once more.
Before your Kink Date
Being ready starts before you even turn up for your date.
- Make sure you let someone you trust know where you are going and when you expect to be back. This way if anything goes wildly awry someone can contact you to make sure you’re okay.
- Discuss exactly what you expect to happen at your date in advance. This can of course change at any time, but it gives all people an idea of what to expect.
- Do your research. If you’re planning to do something new with someone new especially. Look up what to expect. You need to be aware of the risks so you can mitigate them.
Where to go on your kink date?
Deciding on the location of your kinky fun can be challenging at the best of times, throw in a global pandemic and it definitely gets trickier.
Many BDSM dungeons, swingers clubs etc are open again but check beforehand what covid safe measures they have in place. You may need proof of a negative covid test before entry for example.
Other things you might want to research is the type of equipment available at the club you’re going to, if there are private rooms, if the premises is a non-sex establishment or not. Is it cashless/cash only? Are refreshments available or do you have to take your own? What dress code is in place? Will you need proof of ID?
If you can’t find this information readily online give the venue a call, they are eager to help!
The Great Outdoors
This might seem like a great idea, it’s a little naughty, you get to appreciate the beauty of nature as well as the beauty of your partner/s and it’s one of the best ways to ensure you’re not passing on covid to the public at large.
However, sex in public places might not be illegal but exposure, behaviour that is likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress to other users and outraging public decency are. So if you are seen by someone and reported to the police you could well be arrested and prosecuted.
If you’re playing outside, find somewhere secluded and be alert.
Your Place or Theirs.
Always an option but remember you don’t want to disturb the neighbours, you’ll need to have all your kit with you and keep your mobile nearby in case of emergencies. Never ever go to a stranger in their home for your first meeting. Always make that a public setting.
Getting down to it!
Remember a few little things and you can relax and enjoy your kink date.
- Kit bag filled with essentials for both bottoms and tops. Bring your favourite spanking equipment, pleasure toys, condoms and lube, after care comforts as well as any first aid bits you might need, medications and inhalers etc so you’ll have it all to hand. Never assume the other person or venue will have an essential you need.
- Discuss safewords and a safe signal for when you can’t speak such as 2 rapid taps or having something held in hand you can drop if restrained. Remember safewords etc can be used but both tops and bottoms at any time.
- If you feel unsafe or suddenly find yourself in an emergency situation where you need help, Call for it! In a venue yelling RED! Will get people to rush to your aid. If playing in private don’t hesitate to call 999. Your safety is always paramount. You can’t die of embarrassment.
Everyone’s aftercare needs are different but it’s incredibly important that these needs are met.
Aftercare essential questions:
Are you cold/thirsty/light headed? Provide blankets, drinks and sugary foods if needed.
Do you want cuddles? Respect if someone wants space to themselves.
Do you need to talk? Be prepared to have conversations about the play you just had.
And remember aftercare might be needed hours or days later as drop can hit at any time. Make sure you are available for this.
The most important thing to remember is that Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) is the way to get the most out of your BDSM and fetish encounters. When you’ve thought through all the risks that’s when you can be really free to enjoy yourself in whatever kinky way your heart desires!
Remember folks, safety IS sexy and that makes for a great kink date
Victoria Blisse (she/her) is known as the Queen of Smut, reverend to the kinky and is the writer in residence at Cocktails and Fuck Tales. She’s also an angel. Ask anyone.
Passion, love and laughter fill her works, just as they fill her busy life.
Find out more at: victoriablisse.co.uk