‘I don’t like anal because it hurts’
I hear some version of this one sentence so often and it infuriates me. Anal play should never be painful and so I’m going to explain why you might have had a painful anal experience and what you can do to change that and have a pleasurable one in the future
Why does anal hurt?
I’ve spoken to hundreds if not thousands of people over the past couple of years who have said anal hurts and 98% percent of the time it comes down to two simple and completely avoidable problems.
- Too big to fast
- Not enough lubricant
It’s that simple and my advice has always been slow down, size down and use lots of lube.
Too big to fast
Eager guys are the worst for this. They are the guys who get so excited by the idea of fucking their partner in the ass they try putting their junk in the trunk in 10 seconds flat and that’s always going to be a no no even for those who enjoy regular anal sex.
Advice for the eager guy – A vagina is very different to the bum and because she might like your penis quickly thrust in to her vagina does not mean she’s going to enjoy the same for her bum.
The bum entrance (the anus), the bit you can see, is a group of muscles that are designed to keep things in, when your body wants to let things out those muscles relax and expand. Let me say that again the muscles RELAX and EXPAND, it’s very important that you remember that.
In its simplest form the two muscles in the bum are within the first 1 to 1.5 inches, the first muscle is designed to push things out and the second muscle is designed to pull things in. Together they create a perfectly designed push and pull operating system.
First time advice – because of the way the two muscles work putting a bum toy in is always slow because you’re pushing against a muscles that pushes out. When you get a little bit in you will likely have the toy pulled in to the bum. Don’t worry its OK the second set of muscles are doing exactly what they are designed to do,trying to pull the toy into your bum.
As with other muscles in the body a little stretching helps stop any pain. So the very first example I can think of would be touching your toes, I personally could not touch my toes without getting loads of pain in the calf and thigh muscles, but I don’t stretch them! If I were to stretch, then I’d be able to touch my toes no problem and pain free and the bum is exactly the same.
Your first anal experience should be SLOW with a finger or a toy no bigger than your finger. DON’T use something bigger and don’t go trying to squeeze your cock in, if you do, then expect it to hurt which is not only unpleasant but could potentially put your partner off from ever wanting to try again. You should also read our guide using Butt Plugs as there is lots of useful information there about making anal play fun
Anal is not a race! It is always best when taken slowly. If you rush the chances are you will only ever do it once because the memory is a painful one. So slow and easy will defiantly win the anal experience.
Not enough lubricant
Lube is your friend, lube is your very best friend, lots of lube is a bums best best friend!
Unlike the vagina the bum does not self-lubricate so no matter how excited, turned on and willing you or your partner is the bum will still be dry and NEED lubricant. Don’t be shy with the lube either put it on the toy, around the bum, inside the bum, yes inside the bum.
YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MUCH LUBE!
Start off by applying the lube onto your finger and around the bum hole. Take your time, as I said, slow and easy is the best way. Use your finger to massage the lube all around the entrance to the bum, giving your partner time to relax and enjoy the sensation. If you are going to try using a small toy then add plenty of lube to that too and also use that to massage the area. Keep adding lube as you go. When the outer muscles starts to relax a little and the toy or your finger starts to slide in, stop, take it out and add even more lube. Repeat a few times so that you are slowing introducing the lube to the inside of the anal cavity. Once you get your finger or the toy in place and you are both loving it don’t get too carried away and forget to keep regularly adding more lube.
Continuing to add plenty of lube will, I promise, make the experience much more enjoyable.
Personal tip – We only use a high quality silicone lube. The silicone lube doubles as a massaging oil that also helps to relax and it also makes for a perfect vaginal as well as anal sex lube, it’s our 3 in one fun lube.
And another thing
I want to add two words of warning when it comes to anal play…
- If you have been diagnosed with a medical condition relating to the bowel, then please avoid anal play. If you really want to play then seek advice from a specialist, there are many sexual health charities and organisations you can call anonymously to ask for advice.
- Desensitizing lubricant – personally I would recommend staying away from lubricant that numb and desensitizes the bum. Pain is a great indicator that you’re doing something wrong, if you can’t feel the pain then you far more likely to cause someone injury and off if you are masking the pain you might also be masking the pleasure.
You Can Enjoy Anal if You Want to
Just listen, read and acknowledge the two very simple key thing, slow and steady with lots of lube and you’re on the way for some seriously enjoyable anal fun and it’s all pain free. Start with a finger and/or a small toy and gradually work your way up to a bigger toy or a penis. Let you body learn and adapt to the new sensation and hopefully add a new pleasurable activity to your sex life.