Most of us have heard stories that tell of mind blowing orgasms from anal sex. However, for many, the first time trying anal sex is also the last. When considering the discomfort and sometimes sharp pains running through your bum when trying anal for the first time, it’s easy to understand why most people have only tried anal sex once. But, take it from me, your first time doesn’t have to be your last. With three simple golden rules, you can forget the ‘ouches or yikes’ and become an anal sex rock star.
#1 Go Slow – I know that it’s hard to slow down, especially when taboo territory is fixing to be explored. But, take it from a pro, going slow and taking your time is key to ensuring that both you and your partner have a positive experience.
#2 Warm Up – Warming up the area before you play relaxes tight muscles for what’s to come, making insertion easier.
#3 Lots of Lube – Slippery when wet. Lube helps with the initial insertion and keeps everything slippery making it more fun for both of you.
You wouldn’t believe the number of times that I’ve heard, “nothing goes in my butt, that’s for experts only, or that’s painful”. How can you argue with that? All of these statements are valid feelings. All too often, someone who’s an anal virgin finally warms up to the idea, only to find that it’s painful. Usually, this can be attributed to an overzealous partner who is also inexperienced and tries to force their way in past muscles that aren’t ready to open up.
The physiology is rather simple. The anal opening is controlled by the sphincter muscles which is designed to stay nice and tight. Unlike the vagina, these muscles take a bit of coaxing to open up and be ready for penetration. Going too fast and trying to force them open will only result in it being painful. But not to fear, there are lots of ways to warm up the area.
Just like foreplay helps set the mood, your ass needs a bit or attention before jumping in. A sensual booty massage, oral sex, anal rimming or even intercourse works well. Anal safe sex toys also work wonders. Such as, rubbing a vibrator over the perineum area and around the anal rim or using a butt plug. Butt plugs are especially helpful because they hold open the anal sphincter muscle allowing it to relax and acclimate to being open. I find them really helpful because I can insert a plug before our playtime and when the time is right everything is relaxed and ready. No one size fits all, butt plugs can be purchased in various sizes and shapes, which allows you to choose the style that will work well for you.
Going slow is critical to ensuring that anal sex is enjoyable for the receiver. For most, the first few moments after insertion is a make or break time. This is when people typically say it hurts and give up. If you are the giver do NOT jump in and start pounding away. Instead, take time to savor the moment and have patience. I know it’s hard to hold back, but believe me, your lover will appreciate that you let them take the lead. But just because they are taking the lead and going slow, doesn’t mean that you have to be bored. Kissing your lover and stimulating there other reachable erogenous zones goes a long way to keeping the passion up and helping your lover relax at the same time.
The last of our golden rules is lots of lube. This may seem a bit weird, especially if you’re not used to using lube. But believe me, lube and anal sex are best buds. Unlike the vagina, the rectum doesn’t lubricate itself. Instead, it’s lined with a mucous membrane. Although this works great to help move waste along the intestines, it doesn’t do much to help with the friction of sex. That’s where lube becomes your new best friend. It coats the rectum and provides a slick surface making anal sex much more comfortable. Lube is not just for comfort, using lube also helps to maintain your rectum’s health. Without lube, the thin mucous membrane is susceptible to tearing which increases your chances of contracting Hepatics C. Lube also helps to maintain the longevity of your rectum. Over time, having anal sex without lube can lead to what some refer to as a “worn out hole”. In a nut shell, constant friction and pulling of the sphincter muscle from anal sex without lube can cause the muscle to lose its elasticity making it unable to close tightly.
How much lubricant should you use? When having anal sex, you can never have too much lube. In my bedroom, when preparing for anal sex, we make sure to lube both the giver and the receiver. We apply lube before insertion and, many times, he’ll pull right back out and apply more lube. We always keep the lube close at hand in case more is needed while we play. Something I’ve noticed during both anal and strapon sex is that the bottom side of his member or my dildo tends to lack sufficient lube causing a bit of discomfort when penetrating. To make sure things are slippery and comfortable, we tend to go extra slow at first taking our time to apply more lube. It maybe be a bit messy, but it’s well worth a little mess.
Not one of my anal sex golden rules, but often a concern of those who are new to anal pleasures is the possibility of a mess. This fear is completely understandable, no one wants to discover an accident in the middle of their fun. Not to worry, with a bit of preparation, accidents are unlikely. Such as, having a normal bowel movement and using an anal douche to rinse the bits out of your rectum. Typically this is enough to ensure that things are nice and clean prior to anal sex. In all honesty, after a few years of enjoying anal sex on a regular basis, we’ve only had an accident a few times. Although it can be embracing, it’s not something to freak out over. For us, we keep a box of baby wipes nearby in case a quick cleanup is needed. Although it happens rarely, Hubby is always very kind about the situation and will help me relax before he excuses himself to wash off. Although the receiver is often freaked out to find that they’ve caused a mess, the giver typically realizes that it was unintentional and not the end of the world. However, if you are worried about the possibility, wearing a condom during anal sex makes for quick and easy clean up when needed.
When the topic of anal sex is brought up, it’s not something to cringe at. Following these golden rules will help ensure that it’s a positive experience for you both. Share them with your partner and use the rules to help open up a healthy discussion about anal sex. Equipped with knowledge before you jump in. I’m sure you’ll find that anal sex can be an extremely gratifying sexual experience.
This blog post was originally written by Lori and published on ThatPosition.
Unfortunately, Lori doesn’t write anymore, so we can’t link it to her website.
The picture was taken by Lori.