Not a sexy glamorous topic I know but its defiantly one that needs to be talked about more! There are currently only two forms of male contraception, the humble condom being one of them but that is already a well talked about subject, a vasectomy is the other form of contraception but it is permanent and a subject that is less discussed.
What is a non-Scalpel vasectomy?
A vasectomy and non-scalpel vasectomy are almost identical in terms of operation, the result is the same but the recovery period can be a little bit longer for a vasectomy.
So a vasectomy is considered a form of permanent contraception for men. It’s a small operation to cut and separate the tubes that carry sperm from the testicles to the penis meaning that your semen (spunk, jizz, cum,) that you produce when you orgasm just doesn’t contain any sperm. Basically you fire blanks if all goes right.
The real difference between the two operations is a small laser is used instead of a scalpel. The laser burns and cauterizes the skin speeding up the healing process and leaving less room for infections.
I had a non-scalpel vasectomy.
Why did I have a vasectomy?
My reason for having a vasectomy was to take responsibility for my, and Monika’s sexual health and contraception needs because if we have anymore kids I’d pull my hair out. (even though I don’t have any left)
Our choice of contraception or lack of it is something we both have played a part in. Monika has in the past taken that responsibility and now it’s my turn to take the responsibility because it’s not fair that she has to have an implant or surgery which is much more invasive procedure for a woman
Also the three year pull out game just got boring not to mention risky. Eventually we knew we were going to make a mistake.
Talking about my vasectomy?
I didn’t tell anyone I was going and the only reason I told Monika was because I knew I would need her help during the recovery process.
I didn’t talk about it because I was actually quite scared and at times even embarrassed. So stupid considering I’m happy to talk about anal sex, oral sex, even sex toys to anyone, anywhere. But this was like my little secret I just didn’t feel comfortable telling people.
And then Monika put it on Instagram.
I wasn’t best pleased about that at the time but it was the catalyst for a friend (Nathan) to come over for a coffee and talk to me about it. At the time I had no idea how he knew but looking back it was the BEST thing that could have happened. His straightforward words meant that I had a much better idea of what to expect and they truly made the experience much much more manageable.
Thank you Nathan!
Getting to the appointment
DO NOT DRIVE!
When you have your appointment date, book a taxi or organise a lift there with a friend or partner!
Do not, DO NOT DRIVE! Your will have had a small operation on your balls, they sit between your legs and your legs move a lot when you’re driving. You are going to cause yourself some, or lots, of discomfort.
Get a taxi.
Let me start by saying it’s a very quick, simple process but going in I was fucking petrified. I don’t like needles, I don’t like my balls being squeezed and I definitely didn’t like the idea of being cut open and chopped about but it turned out to be so so easy.
The room was clean, white, clinical. There was a bed in the middle, desk, chairs and cabinets around the outside. The doctor was nice, he asked me questions, made sure I knew what we were doing and then told me to pull my pants down. To be honest the whole thing sort of felt like a really bad quickie with mild foreplay.
They try there best to put you at ease but I was so petrified even my balls had started to migrate in to my body in a bid to escape him, cleaver balls. After talking a whole bunch of shit, something I do lots of when extremely nervous, a couple of laser cuts, one cauterization of the tiny cut on my balls and I was having my trousers pulled up.
What is worth talking about is underwear, put on something that hugs your body because its going to add support to your balls. You don’t want them swinging, you don’t want them hanging, close fitting underwear will make things a little more comfortable.
The Pain After
I was expecting my balls to blow up, become the size of a prize winning watermelon and be as painful as repeated kicks to the nuts. But it was nothing like that. Yes there is pain and its can at times be intense but it’s not really bad. The pain is this sort of a droning that doesn’t stop in your stomach and it’s there day and night for the first 2 to 3 days. After that the pain is intermittent and mostly when you knock, bash or scratch your balls so taking things easy for the first week minimizes the pain you put yourself in.
I make it clear that this is my experience, this is how I have felt and what I went through. Your experiment could be better or worse, but the general process and surgery will be identical.
This blog post (and video) is to be that friend I had, that dude telling you what you can expect and sharing my experience so you can feel more at ease. If you do have questions please contact us and I will be happy to help. Equally if there are lost of questions and people would like a Vasectomy Q&A video/blog than please let us know what questions you want answering and I will do that.
Stay colourful and keep firing blanks!