There is a strong lonk between depression and lack of libido. In this fabulous piece by Tabitha Rayne she talks about how prescribing herself an orgasm a day and giving herself time to focus on her sexual self had a positive impact on both her mental health and libido.
At one point my OCD was so bad that the *only* time my thoughts weren’t invading my life was during orgasm. Sounds pretty extreme doesn’t it? Does that mean I was a rampant sex nymph? No, because I would forget immediately afterwards and depression can rob you of libido and the will to feel good.
I’ve always had trouble with my mental health – I’ve always had to use distraction techniques to guide my thoughts somewhere other than horror. The best place I took myself to was sexual fantasy and masturbation. It’s also the one thing I do that I have never ever felt guilty about – there’s always been an absolute certainty that masturbation and sexual pleasure is my right. And I feel damn lucky to have that stable belief – when every other foundation in my life is built on wobbly under confidence and liable to subsidence without warning. God, I sound dramatic, but sometimes coping with my mind is damn dramatic! ?
Throughout my search for a cure for my depression and OCD, no one explained it can also manifest as invasive thoughts. I never knew I had the condition because OCD is always portrayed as excessive cleanliness with the resulting extraordinarily tidy house which I have the opposite of – I’m messy and chaotic. My OCD took the form of dark thoughts, mental chanting, counting and repeated phrases and mantras.
Via regular health routes, I’ve been offered psychotherapy, CBT and medication. I avoided the medication as I truly felt I don’t have a chemical imbalance. Therapy helped to a degree but at the end of it all, (unless there is a chemical problem) the truth is, there is only you who can fix this. Only you who can get up every day, drag a comb through your hair and get out of bed. And that is a very tough fight indeed. So tough that when I am not in the depths of a bout of depression, I can find it difficult to fully empathise with those feelings.
It hit me about four years ago that in all the time I’ve been fighting depression no one has ever asked about my sex life or orgasms. I had been researching oxytocin and sex hormones for my trilogy and decided that fuck it, instead of drugs, I was going to prescribe myself an orgasm a day for a month and see if it lifted my mood and improve my mental health and libido. I put it on my blog (I thought that was quite brave, but also, a bit of peer pressure can do the world of good for helping you stick to your convictions) several people took part with me and boom, the #30DayOrgasmFun event was born.
I am very careful to say it’s not a challenge and if you don’t orgasm that’s fine – it’s merely a space to connect your mind, body and soul and what better way than through self-love!
I let go of some of the self-imposed pressures about being the host of the event so I *had* to come every day – thus being the opposite of what I was telling other participants. I don’t come every day, but I do at the very least, think about my body in a sexy way. I try and feel myself up, look at my sex toys, imagine using them! Watch a little porn, look at sex toy sites’ and Instagram. And I have to say, Monika, you and your strap on Ambit have been a very fruitful source of photographic inspiration at times. I wrote an erotic story all about a DP experience with a Doxy Butt plug and a beautiful orange Ambit made by Godemiche – I am the proud owner of both these items but something is super sexy about knowing where your sex toys come from – who is making them and the passion that comes through.
It’s all part of the connection, the collaboration and energy which lifts and moves me. I know I sound like a bit of a sex hippy but I truly believe that if we all orgasmed across the world in unison, so many sex hormones and love would wash over everyone, we’d have peace in an instant.
Yes, to me, orgasms are as big as that. So I will keep on putting my hands down my pants every day, knowing that this connection to myself, really does lift my mood, and has a positive effect on my mental health and libido, and for me it’s a spiral that goes in the right direction.
Orgasms literally saved me from myself.
And I thank all the sexy-time companies out there who might not even know how important they are. ?
You can find more info on the most recent 30DayOrgasmFun here.
Great reading this. I truly believe orgasms and allowing your desires to be present really are keys to living well. Self pleasure, or with another person or two all really allow the good hormones to flow. Currently in the lockdown I think more than ever, read some erotica, explore your body don’t pressure yourself or anyone. Just enjoy the time to feel and empty your mind of the days thoughts. I love the line about Monica with her strap on, always great photos. I love my ambit, used for pegging and so hot the feeling of power it gives me. Love to all.