Big toys can be great for some people and in some situations. But they’re not right for all bodies or all types of sex. With so many options available out there, what size dildo should you buy?
Sexual stereotypes, mainstream porn, and traditional sex toy marketing may have you thinking that when it comes to dildos (or penises), bigger is always better. However, this isn’t always the case.
Whether you’re choosing your first toy or your 20th, read on for a few of our top tips for choosing the perfect sized dildo for you.
When it comes to penetration, bodies all have their own quirks and preferences. It’s important to consider girth as well as length when you’re choosing a sex toy, as these can both make a huge difference to how the toy feels in use.
Some people prefer deep penetration, while shallow is more comfortable for others. Some people enjoy the feeling of being stretched by a girthy dildo, while others find this painful and prefer a more slimline toy.
If you’ve had sex with a person with a bio-cock, it can be useful to think about toy size in relation to the penises you’ve interacted with. To give you an idea of what all those numbers in sex toy product listings mean, a general rule of thumb is that an average penis is around 1.2-1.5” in girth and 5-6” in length when erect.
What size dildo toy you should buy will also depend on how you’re intending to use it and which areas you want to stimulate.
For example, is the toy going to be primarily used for vaginal or anal penetration? (Or both?) There are no universal truths in sex, but an average user will find it more difficult to take a very large toy anally than vaginally. Therefore, if you’re choosing a toy for pegging or anal sex, you might want to start with a smaller dildo. The Peg range of dildos were designed with exactly this purpose in mind, but can also be used for vaginal penetration.
Remember that the G-spot is only located 2-3 inches inside the vagina on most people, so a very long toy is not necessary to stimulate this spot. If you enjoy having your cervix or A-spot (here’s a guide to this little-known erogenous zone) stimulated, a longer toy can be an appropriate choice.
If you’ve been having penetrative sex (with bio-cocks, dildos, or fingers) for some time, you’ll likely have an idea of what kind of sizes work best for you. But what if you’re brand new to sex toys, or even to any kind of penetrative play?
If this is you, I recommend starting small and building up from there if you want to. It can be a good idea to warm yourself up with your fingers before moving onto penetration with a toy. Take your time, use plenty of lube, and stop if anything feels uncomfortable. Stimulating your clitoris or penis while doing penetrative play with a dildo can also feel really good.
Perhaps you’ve been playing with similar sized toys for a while and want to try something bigger. If this is the case, it’s a good idea to size up gradually rather than jumping straight from a slimline dildo to the biggest thing the sex shop has to offer.
If you’re looking to try a girthier toy, look for something that’s around 0.25” bigger in diameter than what you’re currently using. And if you’re sizing up in length, adding no more than an inch or two at a time will be your best bet.
Ultimately, the person who knows what will work best for you is you. We all have unique preferences and, as long as you’re taking suitable safety precautions (such as choosing body-safe products and using plenty of lube if you’re playing with larger toys), there’s no right or wrong way.
If gigantic toys work best for you, awesome. If you want to challenge your body and slowly build up to taking larger and larger insertables, go ahead and have fun. And if you find that what you prefer is smaller, slimmer toys, that’s great too.
Ready to buy a dildo? We have quite a selection of dildos that we hand make in the UK in various sizes, shapes and textures for you to try with your partner or and have an exploratory date night with yourself? You might be amazed what you discover about your body, your preferences, and your pleasure.
Amy Norton (she/they) is a sex writer, blogger, and pleasure product afficionado who has been running her site, Coffee & Kink, since 2016. She is a polyamorous, queer femme and lives in the UK with her nesting partner, cat, and frankly ridiculous collection of vibrators.
