Watching Aaron painting his corkscrew hair is one of my favourite pastimes. When we first met he’d blushed when I caught him converting a patch of grey back to his natural black. After a few months, he’d just smiled sheepishly when I commented on how good he looked with a few highlights. But now? Now my eyes are flickering around as if I’m in the middle of REM sleep, watching his deft hands fly over his locks with primary coloured chalks, powders, and glitters.
Today isn’t just our first Pride event as a couple. It’s Aaron’s first ever. We met just after last year’s, in a café on the high street. I’d just thought he was a hetero guy. A straggler from the gig that had gone on at the university. It was his band tee that had made me assume, you know? I’d been worried that he was about to start something, with the way he kept staring at me. But when he did open his mouth it was to confess that he’d spent all weekend on the periphery of our colourful celebrations, all constricted and closeted and not knowing how to get out. Even today, he’s still half in, but that’s all about to change in the hugest of ways.
See, this year’s event will be televised. My sister, Syd, had called us brave this morning when we said we weren’t put off by the idea of cameras. I’d been so fucking proud when my usually meek boyfriend looked her square in the eye and said, “You’re calling us brave for going about the every day business of living our lives? You sure you’re an ally?”
The way he’d pulled back his shoulders and lifted his chin… it was the first time I’d ever seen him look so sure of his own identity. Damn, it had made my dick so hard. And now, thinking about how ferociously we’d fucked in the kitchen when Syd left is making me hard again.
As I watch Aaron finish blending a bright purple stripe of hair with a neon pink one, he shifts his gaze. He holds my eyes but doesn’t stop. He just switches to a different brush and starts to blend in some red. When his lips quirk into a smile I know he’s noticed. At this stage I’m only wearing a thong and a multi-coloured chain chest harness, so he knows what’s what.
All it takes is a sharp move of his desk chair for me to know what he wants me to do. There’s room for me now, under the table that’s littered with pots and powders. I don’t walk to him. I crouch, fall forward and let my hands slap against the floorboards, then crawl. I prowl across the room, chest so low it’s almost skimming wood. Even though my head is pulled back I still have to look up at him through my lashes.
Aaron pauses in the middle of smudging orange into the red stripe and groans, “Jesus, every time you look at me like that I just want…”
When I reach him, I smell him. Patchouli, black pepper, and vanilla. His signature shower gel. It’s faint at his ankles. His giggle when I lick his instep isn’t, though. It’s loud and it reverberates through me, making my eyes roll as I run my tongue up his shin bone, as I drag it through the rough hair and wrinkle my nose against the tickle.
As soon as I reach a patch of soft, smooth skin I start to suck. Aaron widens his legs and I see an opportunity. His cock is only half erect, but not for long. God, I can barely breathe. I’m about to do something that’ll make him purr and I know the sound will have me fucking the floorboards. I twist my neck, push my face into the hollow at the back of his knee, and bite.
A make-up brush bounces off my hand and rolls under the desk. I bite deeper, form a seal with my lips and suck so hard I know I’ll leave a lingering mark. But I won’t stop. I can’t stop, because Aaron’s heels are digging into my shoulder blades and he’s squirming so much his chair starts to roll over the floor.
I follow, still latched on, and as soon as the chair hits the bed I shift. Hands on Aaron’s soft thighs, pulling myself up, dipping my head to kiss and nibble my way over his skin. His goosebumps almost make me laugh, but my mirth fades when I catch another scent. The patchouli and pepper are stronger here, but there’s something else layered beneath them. It’s the scent of Aaron. Of his crotch. The natural fragrance that always clings to his pubic hair no matter how well he washes.
He’s supposed to be the big cat today, but I’m the one roaring. I’m the one losing my shit, lunging at his cock and taking it to the back of my tongue before I’m even ready. I gag. Splutter through my nose. Feel my eyes watering and don’t give a fuck about mascara tears because Aaron is already grabbing my hair and pumping his groin.
I love this. Love having his cock in my mouth. Its taste, its size, the feel of his foreskin moving beneath my tongue. The stretch of his over pronounced head pushing past the last barrier in my throat and sinking into my oesophagus makes my arse spasm.
Holding my head still, Aaron fucks my mouth. His balls slap of my chin. We’re not even on the bed and the springs are squeaking. I’m going to cry. Puke. Pass out. Come. Fuck, I’m so close to coming and my cock hasn’t even been touched.
Aaron must know. I don’t even realise he’s withdrawn until he’s on his knees in front of me, shuffling closer until our chests are touching. He grabs my cock and mashes it against his, shaking his wrist and wanking us both at the same time. I’d love to help, but I’m so overcome with desire it’s rendered me useless.
And this is what Aaron loves. Me, so fucking delirious with need for him that I become nothing more than thrusting hips, a ravenous mouth, and animalistic growls.
In a desperate bid to keep myself upright, I grab the edge of the desk. Aaron gasps, a sure sign that he’s about to blow, and my sack tightens in response. My balls ache so much I realise I’m afraid of this orgasm. How fucking intense is it going to be?
So intense I throw my head back and holler at God. Is that my spunk or Aaron’s splashing my Adam’s apple? Why do I want to get back on all fours so that he can fuck me? My head drops forward and I open my eyes. What the fuck? Aaron is laughing, and I immediately see why. A rogue pot must have rolled off the desk when I grabbed it and spilled its contents over our dicks. Mingled in with our sticky come is the cutest iridescent powder.
“Well, you did say we just have to be ourselves today,” Aaron says with a grin. He grabs my headpiece off the bed and fits it just above my sweaty forehead. “I wouldn’t be a lion if I didn’t have my rainbow mane, and you wouldn’t be a unicorn if you didn’t jizz glitter.”
People go to Pride for various reasons. Some go because it’s the only time they get to relax and be themselves, some go as a way to protest against the 74 countries where same sex relationships are still illegal; most go to enjoy the big colourful party. However, none of these are the reasons why Pride started in the first place, so let me tell you a little about its origins.
Being part of the LGBT+ community in 1950’s and 60’s America was tough. Homosexuality was illegal and therefore being part of the community alienated you from society. Young people were evicted by their families for bringing shame and employers shunned people for their sexuality.
One area of New York City, Greenwich Village, was known for its more liberal attitudes and this was where those marginalised by society were most likely to be found, those that were members of the LGBT+ community alongside people who were homeless or had nowhere else to turn. The bars and clubs in the area often welcomed LGBT+ community members in the way most businesses didn’t. Police were aware of this and routinely raided the venues, though they were mostly after payoffs in return for not arresting and publishing the names of the customers.
27th June 1969
The turning point was a raid on one such bar, a bar which at the time was owned by the Mafia and whose name is synonymous with LGBT+ campaigns, The Stonewall Inn, on 27th June 1969.
On the night in question a police raid occurred at the bar, on this occasion there had been no tip off and the raid occurred later into the night than raids usually occurred so was unexpected. There were around 200 people in the bar that evening, many of whom tried to run as they realised what was happening but were prevented from doing so by police who were blocking the doors and windows.
Normally people would be separated into two groups, the men would be lined up at the bar while the female presenting customers would be taken into the women toilets to have their sex verified by a female police officer. Any man refusing to give his ID or who was dressed as a women would then be arrested. However, on this occasion many refused to hand over their ID and with the growing hostility it was decided to process everybody at the police station instead.
By this point a crowd had grown outside the bar, the cars and vans needed to take people to the police station hadn’t arrived. As the crowd grew larger still the police started lashing out at a crowd who, thanks to police action during anti-war demonstrations of the time, were anti-police. As one lesbian was bundled into the back of a van, having allegedly been hit over the head with a police baton, she yelled at the crowd ‘Why don’t you guys do something?’ That was all it needed to turn a crowd into a mob.
Some people managed to escape from the police and more still attempted to turn the police vans on their sides. They found bricks from local construction sites and begun hurling these at the police along with cans of beers and anything else to hand that could be used as a weapon. As with situations like this violence breeds violence and soon parking meters had been uprooted and were used as battering rams to reach the police that had barricaded themselves into the Stonewall Inn and flaming rags were thrown through the smashed windows.
All in all it took almost 3 hours for the streets to settle down again, 13 people had been arrested, many people had been hospitalised and 4 police officers had been injured. The Stonewall Inn itself had been destroyed, everything in it had been smashed and broken apart. Each night the violence and rioting began again and this cycle lasted for around a week before it abated and a calmness was restored.
The feeling many people had, as riots began again the following night, was more and more groups had come along and were supporting the LGBT+ community. This is something that nobody had experienced before. Some members of the community seized this opportunity and started leafleting, asking for bars to be run by the community and move away from the problems with the Mafia. Other members of the community hung their heads in shame and didn’t want to be associated with violence, they would rather be part of the general population and keep themselves hidden.
Obviously what happened at the Stonewall Inn wasn’t the first altercation or protest for rights, however, many people see it as the turning point. Gone were the days of quiet pleas for change, now was the time to be vocal and demand change. Within 6 months of the riots three different LGBT+ publications were in circulation. Sadly the raid on the Stonewall Inn certainly wasn’t the last, in one such raid someone so scared of the repercussions of arrested for being gay, jumped out of the police station window and impaled himself on the railings below. It was this point calmer protests were held, speaking to the police rather than reacting with violence.
The first anniversary of the raid on the Stonewall Inn saw a large gathering at the site to mark the change. There were several other gatherings in the large cities in the US and these were considered the first Gay Pride marches. The second anniversary of the raid saw a march through the city of New York that took up 15 blocks, more support was gained throughout the march compared to the amount of hostility it created.
London had its first organised march in July 1972, on the closest Saturday to the anniversary of the Stonewall uprising, this march had around 2000 participants. Although it did have an unofficial gathering on the first anniversary of the uprising with around 150 participants. London Pride is now one of the biggest Pride events in Europe but is certainly not the only Pride event to happen in the UK. There are now over 100 events in the UK and increasing every year, from small community events right through to the larger events.
Whilst the original reasons of Pride have become diluted, they have certainly become more and more diverse in whom they attract. You were hard pushed to find many women at the first few marches, with some actually having their own separate events. Now there is a huge spectrum of the LGBT+ community and their allies joining in for one big colourful party with each individual having their own personal reasons for being there.
Whilst June is Pride month because it’s the anniversary of the Stonewall uprising because of the huge number of Pride events that are held worldwide now they stretch out over the next couple of months to give us one long colourful summer.
As part of our new series of posts inspired by our recent mistakes on social media we have been reaching out writers in the adult blogging community to get them to write some content for us that shows our commitment to both our own learning but also sharing useful, relevant and informative content with you our customer. This piece about female genital and sexual anatomy was written for us by Kayla Lords. We felt this was an important subject area for us to cover in this series and we are delighted with Kayla’s work
Think back to health classes in school, you know, the days when the reproductive organs were discussed. Even if you didn’t receive anything that looked or sounded like good sex education, at some point, in health or in science, anatomy was discussed. For most people, the only thing you learned about the female anatomy was the names of reproductive organs that no one can even see.
The problem with the way most of us have been educated about anatomy and sex is that the female genitals have been largely ignored. We all know what a penis is and where the testicles are, but most people have no idea what the vulva is or that the area where urine is released is different than the area for penetrative sex. Hint: it’s two separate openings.
With that in mind, to make everyone has a better understanding of the female genital and sexual anatomy, here’s a quick lesson that we all should have received many years ago.
The mons pubis, sometimes called the Mons Veneris, is the fleshy mound below the lowest part of the stomach and above the vulva. This is the part of the genitals covered in pubic hair. The purpose of the mons pubis is to cushion the pubic bone during sex.
The vulva is what most people (incorrectly) refer to as the “vagina.” This one word encapsulates the entire outer female genital area. This includes the labia, clitoris, vaginal opening, and urethral opening. When you want to refer to yourself or your partner’s genitals, call it the vulva, not vagina.
There are two parts to the labia, sometimes called the “lips” of the vulva: the outer labia (labia majora) and the inner labia (labia minora). Every set of labia will look different from person to person. Some people have large fleshy outer labia that are clearly visible. Others have small labia and that part of the vulva looks tucked in. Labia are different colors and sizes, and they change as people age.
The clitoris proves that looks can be deceiving. From the outside, you may or may not see it at the top of the vulva. It looks like a small and unassuming button and is covered by a clitoral hood. Like the labia and every other part of female genitalia, it can be bigger or smaller from person to person. But that little tip (or button) is quite literally just the tip.
The clitoris extends into the body a few inches and looks a little bit like a wishbone. This part of the body exists solely for pleasure and is filled with thousands of nerve receptors. The only area that can be easily touched is the small tip at the top of the vulva, but for many people, that’s enough. Clitoral stimulation is one of the more common ways people with a vulva orgasm, and for many of us, it’s an intense release.
The urethral opening is located just below the clitoris and above the vaginal opening. Urine comes out of the body from this location. The Skene’s glands are located on each side of the opening. Also referred to as the female prostate glands, the Skene’s glands release female ejaculation from the body.
There are two parts to the vagina. The part you can see and where penises, sex toys, fingers, and tongues are inserted is the vaginal opening, located right below the urethral opening. The rest of the vagina is actually a long tube on the inside of the body. While objects may enter the vagina, this is also where babies and menstrual blood leave the body.
Bartholin’s glands are located at the vaginal opening. This is what lubricates the vagina during arousal making penetration easier. The vagina is stretchy and elastic to accommodate penetrative intercourse and childbirth. While many people worry that a vagina can become too “loose,” the reality is that most vaginas contract back to their usual size after sex and childbirth.
Tip: A “tight” vagina is often an un-aroused vagina so don’t necessarily feel too proud if your partner is tighter than usual. Make sure they’re into the moment and properly aroused.
The uterus, sometimes called the “womb,” isn’t just for growing fetuses, although that is it’s main job. This small, pear-shaped organ is the reason the vagina grows longer during arousal. It lifts toward the belly button in a move known as “tenting.” This is meant to aid penetration.
The cervix is located between the vagina and uterus, separating them. It stretches and dilates to allow menstrual blood out and sperm in. Think of it as the connector between the vagina and the uterus. You can actually touch it with a finger, penis, or dildo which, in some people, can cause discomfort. Pounding sex is only exciting when the person being pounded likes the feeling. In some people those hard thrusts hit their cervix and cause pain.
The G spot was discovered by Dr. Grafenberg, for whom it’s named, and is a spot located inside the vagina. Some experts believe that the spot is actually the junction between the urethra, clitoris, and vagina, which makes it super sensitive for some people. When aroused and stimulated, the G spot can produce pleasurable sensations and even orgasms in some people.
To look for it, insert a finger or two into your vagina and hook your fingers so that you touch the anterior wall (the side closest to your stomach). Now make a “come here” motion. If you feel a spot that’s ridgy or different from the surrounding area, that’s likely your g-spot. If it it feels good, keep stimulating the area.
If any of these body parts are news to you, you’re not alone. Many people with vulvas don’t necessarily understand all the parts of their own anatomy. The benefit of understanding how the vulva works isn’t just so we’re all better educated. Knowing your own body, or that of your partner’s, can help make sex and intimacy more fun and pleasurable for everyone.
As loyal Godemiche followers may know, there was a recent social media incident where Adam expressed a less-than-favourable opinion of pubic hair, and many body-positive folks understandably took this as a major offense. While Adam and Monika issued a sincere apology, they also saw the opportunity to take a mistake and turn it into a learning experience to educate both themselves and others about body positivity. It’s a word we hear regularly around these parts, but it’s not something anyone’s often looking to define; for that reason, I was thrilled to be a part of this project both as a blogger, and as a fan of Godemiche.
In preparation to write this post, I read a lot of articles on the definition of body positivity, trying to put into words exactly what it means to love yourself and in what ways this is often practiced. But you know what? None of those articles satisfied me; everyone wanted to be specific, defining body positivity as something as simple as size acceptance or fat acceptance. These are both crucial pillars of which body positivity stands upon, but I’d like to think that in this day and age, body positivity comes down to one simple thing: your body.
To worry about whether you’re too fat or too thin to be loved by society, yourself, or those around you, is a parasite that seems to live in your brain forever. But what if those aren’t your issues, or at least, not your only issues? What if you hate your patchy skin, your thick leg hair, your big teeth, or that obvious scar on your arm? What if your genitals don’t live up to how society thinks they should look, or even more, what if your genitals don’t match up with the person you are at all? Where is the body positivity for these folks?
It’s for everyone. Loving your body is for every person experiencing self-doubt around their physical experience, and this doesn’t just mean size. Our bodies have a lot going on, and society has a lot of ingrained behavior that likes to tell us what is right and wrong – but that in itself is wrong. The only person who can decide you look good, is you.
I don’t think I could find a straight definition of what body positivity is, because it is really so many things.
What body positivity is:
- To recognize that no body is perfect, and that we are all worthy of love no matter our perceived flaws
- To celebrate these flaws and learn to love them as a part of ourselves
- To accept ourselves and others just as we are, and to see the beauty in all bodies
- To not give in to society’s standards, just because you feel it’s the thing you should do
- To express yourself through your body – whether it be tattoos, body hair, or wearing whatever you want – because it makes you feel damn good
What body positivity isn’t:
Glorification of Obesity
I’ve encountered some people who seem to think that fat acceptance is celebrating an unhealthy lifestyle and encouraging others to join – like a cult. (In fairness, telling me to eat pizza is probably the quickest way to get me to join a cult) But this is an image that needs to be broken; for one reason, because it’s not true. It’s just not. But the other reason is because if you buy into this, then you’re fat-shaming those who are a part of the body-positive movement by bringing faux “concern for your health” into the picture. Many think the health platform is an acceptable way to practice fat-shaming, but it’s not; it’s simply a more self-righteous way. You don’t truly care about our health; you just don’t like how what we look like doesn’t line up with what you think is acceptable.
A Way to Guilt Others
It should go without saying that a movement involving positivity of any kind should have no association with guilt, but it needs to be said. For instance, the diet and fitness community has a way of making us doubt ourselves in the form of before/after photos. How many transformations have you seen where the author states how much he or she hated themselves, how ugly they were, and how they NEEDED to lose weight? How many times have they proclaimed “never again” or “going to the gym is the only kind of body positivity”? There is no right and wrong kind of body positivity – if it makes you feel good and it’s a step towards being content with who you are as a physical person, then it’s not wrong. Just because one person found their body-positive journey one way, doesn’t mean that’s the way for you.
A Marketing Tactic
With the mainstreaming of the body-positive movement, it unfortunately brings about companies using it as a buzzword to sell everything from jeans to diet plans, touting how becoming your “better self” is what body positivity is all about. While nurturing your body in a physical sense is, of course, an act of self-love, claiming that these capitalist ways are the path to body love is false; body positivity is in the mind.
Now that we’ve established that, let’s visit just a few of the physical aspects that body positivity can include, depending on who you are.
As a pillar of the body-positive movement, learning to accept the size of ourselves and others has been a long road. When I’m not plagued with doubt while staring myself in the mirror and grabbing at my tum, I’m hearing other people remark on how “she’s too big to be wearing that” or “maybe she should eat a sandwich”. How on earth are we supposed to feel good when we’re surrounded by a constant negative dialogue stating how we SHOULD feel?
Accepting our size is the first step towards loving ourselves; if you’re already very happy with your weight, then congrats! You’ve crossed the first and most common hurdle into body positivity! But if not, simply look around and find beauty in all those around you; I often find myself looking at a woman on the subway and thinking “Wow she’s gorgeous. And she’s bigger than I am.” These moments call attention to the fact that our size is not the defining factor in our appearance, and it is definitely not the deciding factor in our self worth.
Pretty much all humans have body hair, and yet all genders face a stigma over this natural state (some more than others). Women are shaving themselves to resemble an Olympic swimmer from head to toe, while men hear all about brozilans and why they MUST wax their back hair. There’s no way to win… except to embrace what you love.
I for one prefer to keep smooth underarms and a trimmed vulva, and I even like the routine of shaving my legs in the tub; not everyone does, and that’s alright! Your body hair is no one else’s businesses, and while others can freely express a personal preference, they have no right to take away your comfort. Shaving is hard work, and for some, shaving the pubic area can be downright painful; discuss with your partners about what makes you both comfortable, while both acknowledging that what you do have is perfectly natural. There should never be any shame in owning your bush (no matter where it is).
Many people will argue that something as simple as skin doesn’t have a place within the body-positive community, but how is that possible? It is literally the casing for our entire body. Even before size, skin is the part of us that others see first, and it’s not always ideal. Ranging from those who hate their freckles or struggle with psoriasis, to the extremes of skin disorders like vitiligo, which is the loss of skin-darkening melanin in places all over the body. These days, freckles are celebrated rather than concealed, and even models with vitiligo are making a splash, but it’s not always so easy. Seeing yourself represented in the media is always fantastic, but this rarely changes the gnawing self-doubt, and body-positivity is there to help with the self-criticism that we all know so well.
This is an issue that stems well beyond body positivity, but it deserves a place within this community. Trans or non-binary folks may feel like they were born in the wrong body, with genitals and gender-biased features that don’t match up with their gender identity. If you think it’s hard to look in the mirror and see a flaw that you don’t feel belongs, then imagine that applying to the rest of your body. It’s a tough journey, and the brave people who reject the judgment and embrace their natural beauty deserve their body positivity moments as well.
For many, it comes in the form of mantras like, “I am strong” and “my body loves me” to remind them every day that there is nothing wrong with their body just as it is. Of course for others, transitioning is the most body-positive act for their life. In fact, this is one thing that some people in the body positive community wont tell you or even admit themselves: sometimes body positivity means changing something about yourself. There’s no shame in tweaking something to better fit what you feel is inside you, whether that’s something as minor as a new tattoo, or as major as sex reassignment surgery.
There is never a wrong way to love yourself.
As the founder of Godemiche, Adam, joked and mimed motions of ‘disgust’ at the thought of female pubic hair, his partner could be heard offering a reasoned defence for the natural growth that most people experience and which some elect to keep.
Adam’s sentiment was not well-received.
Since then Godemiche have offered a very heartfelt apology and have reached out to leaders in the adult blogging community to engage in an educational process involving various articles on the topic of pubic hair.
I am very honoured to be part of this initiative.
The Problem With Pubic Hair
Sadly, the initial attitude that Adam held towards pubic hair is not an uncommon one, and neither is it seen in a negative light by many. In a recent survey by Cosmopolitan it was reported that 46% of their male respondents preferred their women to be completely bare in the pubic region. Comparatively only 6% preferred the natural look.
This is especially interesting when contrasted against the female perspective—with only 12% of women liking their men bare, 70% preferring it trimmed, and a similarly slim 10% liking the natural look.
Perhaps equally worrying is that the main reason stated for grooming one’s pubic hair was the sense that it would make them more sexually attractive.
Let’s set the record straight right away—pubic hair is not a bad thing. It protects our body from bacteria and other unwanted nasties, it provides a buffer from friction, it regulates temperature, and (as an interested tidbit) it is thought to trap pheromones and similar scents that increase our sexual attractiveness to our partner.
These traits are highly beneficial and yet the current consensus is that pubic hair is unhygienic and somehow hinders sexual attraction.
What is going on!?
If there’s nothing wrong with pubic hair physically then there’s only one answer: The problem with pubic hair isn’t the hair itself, it’s our attitude.
Shame or Shave
Unsurprisingly, the history of shaving one’s pubic hair in modern society (especially if you’re a woman) is rooted in the fashion industry.
As early as 1915 companies were encouraging women to keep parts of their body trimmed to compensate for the increasingly revealing design of clothing. By 1922 it was considered an extreme embarrassment for women to allow unshaven parts of her body to be shown.
As fashion continued to get closer and closer to the pubic hairline so, too, did the mounting pressure to make sure that not a single stray hair was exposed.
The ultimate transition to being completely bare has often been associated with pornography, where it was a trend in the 1980s.
From a filmography perspective, the origins of this weren’t intended to shame women but were still catering to a male gaze. With porn being prevalently aimed towards men, shaving a woman’s pubic hair allowed them to see more of the vulva, as penetration occurred.
The perhaps unintended outcome of this was that a gradual expectation grew that women should be shaved and that a shaved vulva was more sexually appealing.
Tie this in with the fashion industry’s desire to profit off women’s insecurity, and the link between showing more skin and less hair and, gradually, a self-regulating attitude of shame and sexual aversion grew around women’s pubic hair.
Of course, these issues affect men and trans or genderfluid individuals, but the mentality has stemmed from an attitude that prevalently criticises women’s bodies. It’s hugely unlikely that a man will be asked to shave his pubic hair in case his partner ‘chokes on a hair’, or something similar, it is much more likely that a woman will be asked this.
It is one of many ways in which the criticism of women’s bodies (followed by an expectation that she will change to cater to the person’s needs) is condoned in our society, and the fact that the presence of a woman’s natural hair is now the subject of jokes and ridicule is indicative of just how used to this internal oppression we have become.
But What Can Be Done?
As with Godemiche, the first move in countering such attitudes is to realize that they’re a problem to start with.
This isn’t always as easy as it sounds. As a species, humans have a predisposed bias towards following the group consensus, even when presented with facts that may say otherwise. This means that to strike out against a common attitude is, itself, inherently difficult.
Once you’ve recognised the possible issues when it comes to problematic or misogynistic attitudes (in any instance) the next step is research.
In the case of pubic hair we have already explored the origins of a preference to keeping trim, but what are the benefits of removing one’s pubic hair?
In this instance, the consensus is none.
The removal of pubic hair can cause abrasions, soreness, or even infections—with up to 60% guaranteed to experience such abrasions. Ingrown hairs increase with shaving and STIs become more of a risk. The process of shaving or waxing is also rather painful, and can even be traumatic for some individuals.
All-in-all expecting a person to shave their vulva is essentially like expecting them to routinely hurt themselves for your aesthetic preferences.
Is this acceptable?
I think most of us would agree that it’s not.
But what if the individual in question shaves for themselves? What if a person feels more confident with a shaven bush and has self-esteem issues that are directly associated with the visibility of their pubic hair?
In such instances, it’s important to make sure that your partner is shaving out of a sense of confidence and empowerment rather than just a fear of rejection or being deemed unattractive. Perhaps they do not know the damage that shaving can cause—at least 59% of women shave because they believe it is for their own health—but do make sure that you approach the issue in a respectful way, rather than trying to explain the factors to them as if they may not know them.
Communication is crucial in any challenging of pubic conventions and taking a self-reflective and reasoned approach to such discussions (whether with a partner, an uninformed individual, or anyone else) is vital.
If the shaven individual you speak to knows all of this and is still perfectly happy with their grooming choices them awesome. It’s their body and their choices and as long as they’re informed and acting from their own agency then anything beyond that is none of your beeswax.
Equally, if someone chooses not to shave and it goes against your preference then this is something you must learn to respect. You may discuss your preference with them but, ultimately, you should recognise it as such—a preference, and not necessarily one that has the best of cultural origins. If this is a deal-breaker then so be it, but it’s important to recognise that such a situation would not be the fault of your partner, who is not obligated to change to suit your needs.
Lastly, if you really wish to cater the negative attitude that exists against people’s pubic choices (natural, shaved, or otherwise) the most important thing is to be fiercely vocal and make sure that you challenge derogatory attitudes towards people’s grooming choices when you see them.
Godemiche have seen the benefits of such activism and now they are trying to be part of it with this educational series. It is my hope (and theirs) that you read this piece and use it to (continue to) be an ambassador for pubic hair and personal grooming choices everywhere.
Here’s to the vulva in all its many states! Let no blame or shame meet its acquaintance.
Image courtesy of Wikimedia
Female ejaculation and squirting have been subjects of interest for centuries, and yet these natural yonic occurrences still carry an unnecessary taboo. As we find ourselves in 2017, female ejaculation is still not widely accepted as a normal sexual response.
Very little scientific research has been undertaken, and in the studies that have been performed only a few women were included as test subjects. The aim of most of these studies has been to pass-off the fluid ejaculated as urine, and incorrectly dismiss the experience as invalid or as ‘sexual incontinence.’
Porn is generally the only exposure we have of squirting in the media, albeit a totally inaccurate portrayal, as it’s frequently misrepresented or faked. Few women are able to squirt on command, or produce the sheer volume of fluid porn actresses appear to be able to have mastered.
Despite the mystery surrounding female ejaculation and squirting, many women experience either or both, at some time in their lives. For some women, like me, squirting is a regular feature of their sex lives and it occurs spontaneously without trying to achieve it.
You may already be a lady ejaculator (or “squirter”) without even realising, as the fluid expelled can be part of the mix of male ejaculate and sexual excretions, or it may not be a significant enough amount to notice.
Female Ejaculation vs Squirting
Female ejaculation and squirting are said to be two different types of phenomena, although both result from female sexual pleasure and can occur separately, or at the same time. Both female ejaculation and squirting usually happen around the time of climax, however they may happen any time during sexual play.
Female ejaculate is whitish in colour and originates from two paraurethral glands, known as the Skene Glands, which are located at the bottom of the urethra. These glands are also known as the ‘female prostate’ as they produce a semen like fluid (minus the sperm!)
Alternatively, the liquid involved in squirting or ‘gushing’ expels from the urethra, and is clearer in colour or slightly opaque, like watered down milk. The volume of lady juice emitted when a woman squirts is commonly larger than its ejaculatory counterpart. Although it’s expelled from the urethra, it is not foul smelling or yellow like urine.
What Does It Feel like for a Woman to Ejaculate?
Spoiler: Despite the shroud of mystery and unicorn enigma that surrounds female ejaculation, the type of orgasm experienced when it occurs may not feel much different to the orgasms you are already experiencing. Unless a fair amount of ejaculate is produced, you may not even notice that it’s happened.
Squirting or gushing on the other hand, can be quite impactful. Not only does it produce a seemingly large amount of liquid, the orgasm that follows around the same time can be more powerful than the climaxing without expelling any liquid. My gushing orgasms take hold of my entire body, and leave me with an enormous sense of relief. If I’m wound up or tense prior to having sex, squirting alleviates any tension or anxiety I was previously feeling in a more dramatic way than a sexual session minus the fluid.
A sometimes-inconvenient side effect of being a squirter, is the need to protect the surface I’m having sex on before coitus. The amount of juice I emit is enough to soak the bed sheets, despite it being said that women generally don’t squirt more than an ounce of fluid during an ejaculatory episode.
Unlike non-ejaculatory orgasms*, squirting leaves me feeling highly charged emotionally, and will often cause me to cry despite feeling the opposite of sad or unhappy. I find squirting an incredibly intimate experience, which makes me feel especially connected to my lover. More so, than if I orgasm without it occurring. Perhaps this aspect is psychological, as there is physical evidence of my sexual pleasure sprayed across our bodies and the fabric underneath us.
Factors Involved in Achieving Female Ejaculation
Almost all women have the same genital anatomy, and should therefore technically be able to squirt, although it might not be that straight forward. It could be viewed as a bit of a sexual jigsaw puzzle, as there are generally a number of components involved.
If squirting is a sexual experience you hope to achieve, then it’s essential to get in touch with your G spot. The G Spot is usually located approximately 1.5-3 inches into the vagina, however the exact location differs for all women. For some women, it can be felt as a ridge or slight difference in the texture of the tissue, and others rely on the change in sensation to work out if it has been hit or not. When a woman is aroused the G spot swells, and you might feel the need to urinate.
In order to squirt, your G spot needs to be stimulated. I find the two positions I’m more likely to squirt in are the missionary position, or when I’m being penetrated from behind doggy style. For some women, a vibrator or dildo may be more effective than penis or fingers in locating and arousing the G spot. In particular, a dildo or vibrator with a curved shape or one that is hard as the G spot responds to strong pressure and can take more pressure than the rest of the vagina.
Practice is essential in developing a stronger connection with your sexual self. My strongest piece of advice for any woman wishing to achieve female ejaculation is to masturbate, both solo and with the aid of sex toys to develop a better understanding of themselves and the types of sensations they find pleasurable. By giving yourself regular solo lovin’, it may also enable you to feel more relaxed when having sexual intercourse with your partner, and lead to more satisfying sexual experiences.
Not only is squirting a biological response, it is also a psychological one. A relaxed mental state is a vital component in being able to achieve female ejaculation. Despite squirting being my regular sexual reaction, it has rarely ever happened during a one night stand or with a lover I haven’t felt relaxed or had a strong connection with.
Am I Missing out If I Haven’t Experienced Female Ejaculation?
Due to the hype surrounding female ejaculation and squirting, it may be easy to feel as though you are missing out on something radical or earth-shattering it you haven’t yet been able to achieve an expulsion of fluid during your sexy times. It’s also completely reasonable to want to try all the flavours of the sexual rainbow, and incorporate new and exciting experiences into your life.
However, it is not the be-all and end-all of sexual pleasure. Even if it never becomes a component of your sexual ability, or your body’s sexual response, it doesn’t mean your sex life lacks fulfilment.
If female ejaculation or squirting are not experiences you are unable to achieve at this stage, put your FOMO aside. Focus on experimenting, and continuing to discover pleasurable sexual experiences with yourself and your partner. Who knows, one day it may happen without you even trying.
*Women can cry after orgasm regardless of whether they squirt or not, but in my case it consistently occurs solely post squirting orgasm.