The in and out of condoms

The in and out of condoms

Condoms, French Letter, Rubbers, Johnny’s, Prophylactic, Love Glove, Cock Sock, Cum Catcher. Whatever you call it is one of the oldest and yet still most popular forms of birth control in the world today.

Did you know that the oldest condoms ever excavated were found in a cesspit located in the grounds of Dudley Castle and were made from animal membrane, the condoms dated back to as early as 1642 however evidence of condoms being used as a form of birth control and STI protection date back to the early 1500’s and there is even some evidence of very early versions of them being used in ancient Greek, Egyptian and Roman civilizations.

More than 5 billion condoms are sold world wide each year and today it is International Condom Day so let’s talk about condoms.

Birth Control and STI protection

The origins of condoms definitely lay in their use as a birth control however there is evidence of them being used in the 1500 to try to combat the spread of Syphilis which has swept across Europe and Asia. However in more modern times they had largely been associated with birth control and until the invention of the female contraceptive pill in the 1960’s were really the only reliable and somewhat acceptable contraception available but then HIV and AIDS was discovered in the early 1980’s and condoms usage become not just about birth control but also about saving lives and the rate of condom usage in the developed world soared.

When it comes to preventing pregnancy when they are used properly and consistently they are 97 percent effective. Condoms that break or slip accounts for the remaining 3 percent. If you don’t use them consistently or correctly then their effectiveness falls to 86%. This means that 14 out of 100 couples using condoms will become pregnant each year.

When it comes to preventing sexually transmitted infections the figures on that are a bit less clear but we do know that when used properly they are hugely successful and preventing the spread of all sorts of infections such as gonorrhea, chlamydia, trichomoniasis, and HIV. Which means that you should always be using a condom unless you are in a fluid bound relationship with a partner where you have both been tested and that neither of you is having sex with anyone else.

Picking A Condom

There are quite literally tons of different options available when it comes to condoms. You can buy ribbed, flavoured, glow in the dark, Extra Large. You get Latex, Polyurethane and animal membrane ones. You can buy ultra thin, second skin, sensitive. You can even get coloured ones. How on earth do you know what is the right one for you? The answer is that you need to try different ones and decide which one you and your partner(s) like the best.

Putting on a Condom

Condoms come wrapped in a square or round foil packet. make sure when you tear the packet open you don’t damage the condom also always makes sure that your condom is not past it’s use by date. If it is, throw it away and buy a new one. Never use an out of date condom.

Experts say you can put a condom on both a soft and hard penis but it is definitely easier to put them on if you are hard. If the man is uncircumcised pull back the foreskin before putting the condom on. Place the rolled condom over the tip of the erect penis. Leave a half-inch (1 cm) of space at the tip to collect semen. Pinch the air out of the tip with one hand while placing it on the penis. Unroll the condom over the penis with the other hand, rolling it all the way down to the base of the penis. Smooth out any air bubbles since they can cause condoms to break.

It is also important that you take off a condom correctly too.First of all the penis should be withdrawn from the body as soon after orgasm is possible and whilst the penis is still hard as that reduces the chances of leakage significantly. Also hold the condom at the base of the penis while pulling out to prevent it being left inside the body. Then remove it from the penis and tie a knot in it to stop it from leaking. Do not flush down the toilet but dispose of it in the bin.

If your condom breaks

Sometimes it happens, the condom splits or even comes off during sex. What you do when that happens really depends on your situation but it is vital that you tell your partner that it has happened so they can decide what precautions they want to take. If you/they are using some other form of birth control as well then pregnancy is not going to be your first worry. If they are not then you might want to think about taking a Morning After Pill. They can be purchased from most chemists in the UK.

When it comes to STI’s you should follow up with your doctor or local Sexual Health Clinic and get a full sexual health check up so you can make sure that you have not got any infections. The earlier most sexually transmitted infections are caught the easier they are too treat.

Use Lube

Did you know that a few drops of lube on the head of the penis before you roll the condom on will allow the inside of the condom to move around on the sensitive head of the penis much like foreskin does. It also helps with friction on the condom on this part of the penis and reduces the risk of the condom breaking. Don’t add too much though as you don’t want it to drip down the shaft of the penis and cause the condom to slip off. You want to the wetness to stay at the head of the condom.

You should also use lube to moisten the outside of the condom to reduce friction for your partner. This is particularly important when it comes to anal sex as unlike the vagina the rectum is not self lubricating but even for vaginal sex lube can help to reduce friction and not only make it feel better but also reduces the risk of tearing and breaking.

Where can I buy them?

You can buy condoms all over the place now. Supermarkets, chemists even your local corner shop but they are not the cheapest option. Our recommendation is to try Freedoms Shop who only sell online but are part of the NHS and therefore sell them a much cheaper price than anywhere else. They have a large selection of different kinds and they ship them off to you in discreet packaging.

But no matter which type you choose, or what reason you choose to use them always remember to wrap that rascal.

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woman laying on her back wearing strap on pants with red dildofor post about strap-on sex

First-Time Strap-on Sex for Vulva Owners

[First, a quick note on terms: I am a queer, cisgender woman and am writing from that perspective. However, I have used the term “vulva-owners” and gender-neutral pronouns in this piece as much as possible in order to be more inclusive in my language. Not everyone who has a vulva is a woman, and not all women have vulvas!]

Strap-on sex is amazing. I love both giving and receiving penetration with a strap-on, regardless of the gender or genital configuration of my partner. But how can you get the best out of this often misunderstood sex act?

Let’s Bust Some Myths!

“Queer women who want to be penetrated with a strap-on are actually straight.” Nope! The sex acts you engage in (or the toys you use) have precisely nothing to do with your sexual orientation. A queer-identified person who wants to be vaginally penetrated with a strap-on isn’t secretly wishing they were having sex with a cis man, I promise. Orientation is based on who you do the things with (or don’t,) not on the things you do.

“Using a big dildo will stretch out my vagina permanently.” Again, no. Vaginas are muscles and muscles are pretty incredible things – they stretch and then spring back to their original state. No sex toy – or bio cock – can permanently stretch your vagina.

“The person doing the penetrating doesn’t get any pleasure.” In my experience, this is absolutely not true. There are all kinds of ways to ensure the penetrating partner gets pleasure too – some harnesses have little pockets where you can put a small vibrator to stimulate the wearer’s clitoris, and you can even get “strapless strap-ons” (think the Feeldoe) where one end sits inside the giver’s vagina while they penetrate their partner with the other end. (Note: I do not recommend these for beginners as they’re more difficult to use and control than standard strap-ons.) There’s also pleasure beyond the physical. For me, the “thud” of muscle on muscle as I fuck my partner, and the sounds and expressions of pleasure they make, are hugely gratifying in and of themselves.

Now that we’ve got those out of the way, let’s move on.

Picking the Right Gear

Godemiche recently published a fabulous piece on picking the right harness so do check that out. Personally I recommend picking something comfortable, adjustable, and with the ability to change the ring size so that you can use different dildos with it.

The next step is choosing your dildo. There are four main things to consider:

  • Body safety! You want a non-porous and non-toxic material. For a strap-on dildo, that means going for pure silicone. Buy your toys from a reputable manufacturer or retailer, not on eBay or Amazon!
  • Size. I recommend starting small if you’re not used to being penetrated regularly. You can always work up. Another option, if you can afford to, is to buy a selection of dildos of different sizes to play with.
  • Texture. Some people love being penetrated with textured dildos – think ridges, bumps or realistic “veins”. Others, like me, find it painful. If in doubt I recommend starting with a smooth toy.
  • Base. Your dildo needs to have a wide enough base to hold it securely in your harness. Look for words like “flared base,” “strap-on compatible” or “harness compatible” in the product listing.

And finally, don’t forget lube! If you’re using a silicone dildo, you need a good quality, water-based lubricant. Even if you or your partner produces a lot of lubrication naturally, a little extra can’t hurt and will help prevent any bad pain from happening. I recommend Sliquid.

Now the Fun Part!

Okay, you’re all set and you’re ready to have some strap-on fun! I hope these tips will help you and your partner get the most out of the experience.

First, try to take the pressure off yourselves. The goal shouldn’t be for the receptive partner to have taken your biggest dildo up to the hilt by the end of the night. The goal should simply be for you both to have a lovely, connective, sexy time together.

I don’t like the term “foreplay” (the acts we usually refer to as “foreplay” are part of sex!) but for want of a better term, it will have to do for now. So: plenty of foreplay. Start with cuddling, kissing, making out and touching each other until you’re both really turned on. Some people like to have an orgasm – or several – before being penetrated at all. If that’s the case, you can do hand sex, oral sex, play with toys, or masturbate together.

When it’s time for penetration, positioning is important – and what’s comfortable will depend on the size, shape and ability level of your bodies. I’m quite short, so I like to kneel between my partner’s legs and use a pillow or two to lift their hips up, giving me better access to their vagina. You can also use a piece of sex furniture such as a Liberator wedge, if that helps – this can be particularly useful for those in bigger bodies or with limited mobility. Other positions include the receptive partner on their back on the bed while the giving partner stands; missionary; doggie; or on your sides in the “spooning” position. Let your imaginations run wild and position yourselves in whatever way feels natural and comfortable.

You may need to guide the dildo into your partner’s vagina manually. Don’t be afraid to do this – better to have a little help from your hand than to go in at the wrong angle and cause them pain. Slide inside slowly at first, and give them time to adjust to the sensation.

The main tool you need is, of course, communication. Don’t be afraid to communicate verbally before, during and after strap-on play. You don’t need to carry on a full conversation during (unless you want to!) of course, but using your words is an important and underrated skill. Phrases like “How does that feel?” “Are you ready for me to go deeper?” and “Please let me know if anything hurts” are really useful for the penetrating partner. And phrases such as “Harder,” “Slow down a bit” and even “Can we change position, my leg’s going to sleep?” are useful if you’re the one being penetrated.

Try different types of movement. It’s not all about pounding! Try thrusting, try moving your hips in circles while your dildo is inside your partner, try moving the dildo very slowly just a few inches in and out, and try holding still and having your partner clench their vaginal walls around the dildo. Pay attention to the reactions you get and, again, communicate.

Let’s Talk About Orgasm!

The vast majority of people with vulvas do not experience orgasm from penetration alone. This doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, and it doesn’t mean they’re broken! If you’re struggling with this, read Emily Nagoski’s amazing book, Come As You Are. In general, I don’t recommend making orgasm your main or only goal, because goal-oriented sex tends to feel too pressured to be fun. However, if the receiving partner would like to try to reach orgasm during your strap-on play and doesn’t get there just from penetration, you’ll need to introduce some clitoral stimulation. (Even if orgasm isn’t necessarily your aim, lots of people really like having their clitoris stimulated while they’re being penetrated!)

Rub your partner’s clit with your fingers while you fuck them, or have them touch themselves if they prefer – or you could use a vibrator, from a small bullet vibe right up to a mains-powered wand. Whatever feels good for you both, do it. Some people will want you to thrust hard and fast as they get close to orgasm, and others will want you to stop moving and just hold your dildo inside them. The only way to know your partner’s preference is to ask and to follow their body language,  so do that!

What if it goes wrong?

In sex, as in life, sometimes things won’t go the way you want them to. Perhaps the receiving partner experiences pain as soon as you try to penetrate them (if this happens regularly, see a doctor.) Or perhaps you just bump their cervix or go in at slightly the wrong angle and it hurts. Perhaps everything’s going well, but one or both of you just can’t quite get off. That’s okay! Things might not go perfectly, the first time or any subsequent time. The key to good sex isn’t everything being perfect, it’s learning how to roll with the punches and adjust.

Good sex should never hurt unless it’s consensual, safely applied pain. So if it hurts, stop! Receiving partners, listen to me: please do not endure pain because you think it’s what your partner wants. No-one who loves you will be okay with hurting you in a way you don’t like.

Try not to see needing to stop or change something as a failure. You’re exploring each other’s bodies and this new activity. If you need to switch position, switch position. If you need a break, take a break. If you need to stop and do something else… you see where I’m going with this. Everything that goes wrong is a learning experience. With tonnes of mutual respect, affection, good communication and emphasis on consent, nothing truly terrible is going to happen – promise.

And afterwards?

Congratulations, you’re done! I hope you had a wonderful time. Now have a long cuddle, tell your partner they’re awesome, and sterilise that dildo! (Boil it in a pot of water on the stove for about ten minutes.) Next time, maybe the other person will wear the cock…?

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Beginner Gide To Anal Douching BlogBanner

Beginners Guide To Douching/Enema

Anal douching/enema’s are something we talk about often but as a general rule we find no one knows what they are. So we have put together our beginners guide to anal douching/enema.

However if you prefer watching to reading then jump straight to the bottom of this post and watch our video on the subject

What does an anal douche/enema look like?

An anal douche has a bulbous base, the bulbous base is hollow and can be made of plastics, silicone or rubber. The bulbous base is hollow and holds a small amount of water. At the top of the bulbous base is a nozzle, water is squeezed from the base up through the nozzle and into your butt.

Why douche?

The body passes poo out the bum hole and douching is a way of cleaning your butt for anal sex. If your anxious about getting shit all over your dick then douching can help alleviate that concern. It’s also much cleaner for general penetration and also other things such as anal rimming.

Douching on a daily basis is not recommended as it can affect the intestinal microflora, disturbing the balance of your bowel. A simple and easy way for a cleaner dowel is a high-fibre healthier diet and less greasy foods will stiffen up your poo and greatly reduce the need to douche.

How to use a douche

Buy yourself an anal douche. We DO NOT recommend sharing anal douche even if it’s completely cleaned. Having your own anal  douche reduces the chance of spreading intestinal parasites or certain STIs.

Fill the bulbous base with lukewarm water. Then carefully insert the nozzle in to your butt and squeeze in the water no need to squeeze in all the water. Pro tip, lube up the tip so it goes in nice and smoothly. Also make sure the water is lukewarm, cold water will give you cramps, hot water can scold your insides. With the water inside you, hold it there in your butt for a couple of seconds, standing up is easier to hold on the water inside. After a couple of seconds sit down on the toilet and release all the water. You need to get up and look at the water, if the toilet water is not clear then you need to repeat the douching process again, fill up the douche, stick it in, squeeze, release, check. You want to repeat this steps until the waters clear. If you have done this 6 time and the water is not clear then we recommend you accept today’s not a butt day and stop.

Take a couple of moments to make sure all the waters out. A common mistake is that they people don’t  get all the water out and that water makes an appearance when your having anal sex. It’s not pleasant and avoidable so just take a couple of seconds to make sure it’s all gone. 

Once the water runs clear then it’s time for a shower because you can’t be too clean when it comes to butt play. Wash your butt, don’t put soap in side your butt. 

So that was our simple steps to anal douching. We hope it helps and if you have any questions please get in contact.

Douching really is as simple as it sounds you just have to take your time. 

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Three Pegging Positions

3 Pegging Positions You Should Know

Today’s topic is pegging positions.

Doggy, Missionary & Cowboy are the 3 main positions for pegging that we enjoy. Each of these positions can be adapted with slight variation in body position or different locations and furniture such as beds or chairs. 

And if reading is not your thing than jump straight to the bottom and watch our video on this subject instead.

Doggy

So let’s start with the one everyone will know, doggy style. The person being pegged is at the bottom on hands an knees and the pegger is the one behind them on their knees. 

It’s a simple position that involves the pegger doing all the work. 

This position is great for more focused prostate stimulation also and also the person doing the pegging a great of movement. If you are new to pegging though take it easy at first as it is a new sensation that the person being pegged will need time to get used to.

Top tip – if your using a curved dildo like our Ambit, then turn it round so the dildo points down and not up. Your prostate is between the bladder and the tummy, so when your on your hands and knees to get the most prostate stimulation make sure your toy curves down towards the prostate not away from it. 

Missionary 

Another staple sex position of the bedroom but this time round he is on the bottom and she is on top. While laying on your back raise your legs towards your chest, your probably going to want to hold your legs.

As a pegger if your feeling especially dominant you can take hold of their legs and force them back. Taking control can add to the experience for both of you, remember this is a change of positions for you both, sometimes you want to be dominated and that feeling of just being fucked is hot. 

This position is great if you love watching. Laying on your back you get to see everything, her face, her boobs, your cock. Talking about cocks, this position is the best for having unrestricted access to your cock and allows you to look into each others eyes as you share this experience together.

Top tip – have a pillow handy to place under your lower back. It will raise you up just a little making penetration easier and enhancing the feeling.

Cowboy

Yep you got it just like cow girl but he does the riding. It lets your have complete control over how quick, how deep and just exactly how much you want to stimulate the prostate. 

Much more of a relaxed position for the pegger who lays on there back and enjoys the show. As a pegger this is also a good position for playing with their cock as you don’t have to concentrate on anything other than enjoying the show. 

Top tip – this is a great position to play around with edging. Edging is where you get almost to the point of orgasm, then stop and this is repeated. The build up of almost having an orgasm repeatedly can make for a more explosive orgasm when you finally do.

In summery these are 3 pegging positions we believe you should try first, each having a different sensation for you both to experience.  It’s ok not to like them all, everyone is different and it’s all about finding whats enjoyable for you. When you find what you like then you can explore different variations on that position.

Let us know your top tips and what position or positions you enjoy the most when it comes to pegging in the comments below.

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blue toned image of adam pointing at the words 5 common prostate questions

5 Common Questions About Prostate Sex

When I’m out at fetish markets I regularly get asked all sorts of questions but some of the most common ones asked revolve around anal and prostate play. What starts as a timidly asked question turns in to a cascade of other related questions people have around anal and I am always more than happy to answer them as best I can.

So in a bid to help as many people as we can we have decided to make a series of sex education videos which we will be posting on our YouTube channel over the next few months. We are focusing on the topics YOU most often ask us about starting this week with the all things prostate related.

Here are the 5 most common questions about sex and prostates that I generally get asked… and if you don’t feel like reading skip to the bottom of the page and watch our video for the answers instead.

What is the prostate?

The prostate is a walnut sized gland that is found between the bladder and the penis. It’s also called the p-spot and also the male g-spot.

What does the prostate do?

The prostate creates a fluid that’s found in semen. The fluid is added to the sperm as you ejaculate, think of it as helpfully lubricant that nourishes and helps sperm on it journey.

What is a prostate orgasm like?

Well you know how an orgasm feels, the moment you know your going to cum and it feels like the world slows down, you cum and you just feel relieved and a little spasmie, or is that just me? Anyway a prostate orgasm is just like that but some how amplified more. O an twinkly stars, you can’t forget the twinkling stars you get in your eyes, like with a migraine but intensely pleasurable. And there tends to be more semen produced as well.

How do you get to the prostate?

The easiest way is a finger up the bum. Your can find it by putting a finger up your your bum and curling it up towards your tummy. You don’t have to go very far into your bottom, only one and a half to two inches in. Curling your finger up a little will allow you to feel your prostate through the rectal walls. The prostate itself feels soft, squishy, the size of a walnut and it moves around a little as you try to touch it.

Why is a prostate orgasm so good?

I can tell you how it feels but past that really I can’t give a reason as to why it’s so dam good, it just is. You have to try it to fully know why. Nothing ventured nothing gained, but I’m almost certain that if you do venture and take your time your going to enjoy it.

Do you have a question you would like to ask us? Is there a topic you would like to see us tackle in one of our videos? Leave a comment here and you might just get a video made for you.

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Monika holding red corset strap on harness with words Picking a strap on harness written over it

Picking a Strapon Harness

Picking the right strapon harness might be a little bit confusing at the beginning. There are so many styles and variations to choose from that it feels like you want to pick them all just to see how they look on you. Been there done that! You’re not alone.

So let us help you to get to know the styles of the strapon harnesses so that you might get a better idea of which one would suit you.

Overall there are three styles of Strapons. So lets start from the most popular:

1.Joque Style Harness

This strapon is great to start with but at the same time it is very confusing to put it on. So you might look at the images on the box explaining how to put this strapon on or watch YouTube videos. Joque Style Harness has a strap around your waist so its secure, also two separate straps around your tights. The straps are long enough for almost every person so there’s no worry about the size. The beautiful thing about that is you can always cut the rest which you don’t need. My favorite from this style is from Sportsheet Red Lace Corsette Strapon. So sexy!

The best thing about Joque style harness for me is crotchless feature. My personal tips:

  • while penetrating your partner with a strapon dildo stop for a moment and let him please you for a bit with their tongue.
  • change the position to sixty nine and please each other together. Let your partner to lick you and vice versa. It really spice things up and gives that little twist in the whole play.
  • use a vibrator or dildo to please yourself and let your partner watch you.
  • wear a strapless dildo to penetrate both of you. The strapon harness holds a dildo nicely.

You can really play around and use your imagination with different positions when using Joques style Harness. It also feels so damn sexy and gives you confidence when it’s on.

2. Thong style Harness

It reminds me of the thong underwear. This harness is not for everyone, you might find it difficult if don’t like the feel of a string in your bum. The strap between your legs might rub the lady parts which might give you a pleasure but it could also be irritating during the sexy time. So it really comes down to personal choice. My advice: just try it and everything will be clear.

 3. Panty Style Harness

There are so comfortable!!! This would be my second choice from all of the styles. There are like pants that you wear for a trip and forget that it’s a strapon. They come in a three types ,panties, boxers and crotchless. With this style you’ll have to measure your thighs and waist to get the right size. The only down thing about this style is that the O-Ring doesn’t change, but don’t worry there are some stabilizers inserts to make it a bit easier like the one from Rodeoh, but do your research first. The panty style harnesses are really very simple.

Now let’s talk about the features you may find on some of the harnesses we’ve spoke about.

Materials:

Strapon Harnesses are made from different materials like leather, nylon, cotton, spandex, latex, pvc or polyester. It really is about your personal preference but remember the more expensive the material such as leather the more money you’ll have to pay.

Vibrators:

Some of the strapons come with a little bullet pockets so you can slide your bullet vibrator in which will give you that extra pleasure on your clit during pegging. We always use Rocks Off RO80 simply because they are so powerfull and fit perfectly in the little pocket.

Removable O-Rings

O-rings are very important if you want to take your pegging play to the next level and try different bigger sizes of the dildo. The O-Rings can be easily changed with the pop studs. Usually there are three sizes 1.5, 1.75 and 2.0inch.

For a look at the three different styles check out out video below.

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The Ins and Outs of Contraception

Despite the fact that we tend to teach young people that sex is about reproduction the main reason humans actually have sex is for pleasure. For most people sex for reproduction purposes will be something they do on a number of limited occasions throughout their life and for some people it will be something they never ever do. Clearly the key to worry free pleasurable sex is reducing the risks such as contracting sexually transmitted infections and/or pregnancy.

Your contraception needs will change throughout your life, someone in their late teens or twenties will probably have different needs to someone in their 30’s or 40’s. The type of relationship(s) that someone is in and where they are in terms of having children will be just two of the big factors that will affect the type of contraception that they might choose.

So let’s talk about some of the different types of contraception

Barrier Methods

Caps/Diaphragms

Both caps and diaphragms are inserted into the vagina, along with spermicide, prior to sex. They work by covering the cervix and creating a barrier so that sperm can’t get into the womb. When used correctly they are 92 – 96% effective. The upside of a cap or diaphragm is that they only need to be inserted when you want to have sex and there are no serious health risks or side affects associated with them but clearly one of the major downsides is that they are not conducive to spontaneous sex. They can also take a bit of time to learn how to insert them and they don’t give any protection against contracting STI’s.

Condoms

Male condoms are worn over the penis and create a barrier preventing the sperm from reaching the womb. When used correctly they are 98% effective and they are the ONLY form of contraception that also protects against STI’s.

Female condoms work in the same way as male condoms in that they create a barrier preventing sperm from reaching the womb but instead of being worn over the penis it is inserted inside the vagina. When used correctly they are 95% effective and can help prevent the transmission of many STI’s including HIV.

Hormonal Methods

The Pill

There are two types of contraceptive pill, the Combined Pill and the Progestogen only Pill. They work in slightly different ways but both use hormones to disrupt the female reproduction cycle in some way. If taken regularly they are both 99% effective in preventing pregnancy. The pill is a very convenient method of contraception but there are some medical reasons why some women just can’t use it and there are also some side effects to both types that should be considered.

Contraceptive Implant

The implant is a small flexible tube that is inserted by a doctor or nurse underneath the skin in the upper arm and releases a small amount of progestogen which inhibits the body from releasing an egg from the ovary(s). Unlike the pill it is not reliant on the person remembering to take it and so once inserted has a 99% effective rate. It lasts for 3 years but like all hormone based methods it plus and minus’ that need to be considered.

Contraceptive Injection

In the UK there are different types of contraceptive injection available and depending on which one you have they last somewhere between 8 and 13 weeks. Like many of the other hormone methods they use progestogen and are 99% effective. However they also share many of the side effects of those methods too and you have to go back every 8 – 13 weeks to have another shot.

Contraceptive Patch

The patch is a bit like a nicotine patch that sticks to you and releases the hormones directly into your body through your skin. Each patch lasts for a week, you then replace it with another one for 3 weeks in a row and then you take one week off. The patch is very easy to use but does rely on you remembering when to change it. It is 99% effective when used correctly.

Vaginal Ring

The Vaginal ring is a small, soft, plastic ring that you insert into your vagina and leave there for 21 days. You then remove it and throw it in the bin. 7 days later you insert a new ring. It works by releasing small doses of a combined hormone mix and if used correctly is 99% effective.

Intrauterine methods

IUS

The intrauterine system is a small plastic device that is inserted into your uterus by a medical professional. It releases a small dose of hormone directly into your womb and is 99% effective. It stays in place for 3 to 5 years depending on which one you have. It is an increasingly popular form of long term contraception for women.

IUD

Like the IUS the Intrauterine device is a small plastic and copper device that is inserted into your uterus by a medical professional. Unlike the IUS it does not release hormones but a small dose of copper which changes the make-up of the fluid which inhibits the survival of the sperm and also stops the egg from implanting. There are various different types of IUD available and depending on which one you pick they last between 5 and 10 years.

Natural Family Planning

This is also known as fertility awareness and involves monitoring various factors to determine when your most fertile time of the month is so that you can avoid sexual intercourse during that period. If done correctly it can be 99% effective but due to the imprecise nature of it and the chances for human error the effect rate is probably more like 75%. Clearly, the up side is there are no side effects to this system but the down side is that it is quite labour intensive and can 3 – 6 months to begin to develop a pattern that you rely on.

Permanent Contraception

Female Sterilisation

This involves a surgical procedure that seals or blocks the fallopian tubes therefore preventing eggs from reaching the womb and being fertilised. It is 99% effective and you will never need to worry about contraception again however it does involved having surgery that always comes with a risk and it should also be viewed as permanent and so you need to be absolutely sure that it is the right decision for you.

Vasectomy

Male Sterilisation involves a small procedure that is done under a local anaesthetic where the tube that carries sperm from the testicles to the penis is cut, blocked or sealed. The whole thing takes about 15 minutes and is 99% effective. It is a much easier and less invasive procedure than female sterilisation. For someone who has finished having their family or does not ever want one, it is an ideal long term solution.

How do I pick?

Clearly, that is the key question and the answer is that you should really go and get advice from a professional. What you decide to use will very much depend not just on your current need for contraception but also your age, health, family history and where you are in regards to having or not children. All of the options come with advantages and disadvantages which need to be considered and not all the options will suit everyone so getting good professional advice is the key to helping you decide what it best for you.

Getting advice

If you are in the UK then your nearest GP should be able to help you. When you make an appointment tell them what it is for as they often have dedicated clinics or specific doctors that deal with contraception. There is also a comprehensive guide to all these types of contraception on the NHS website.

However, there are also other organisations you can turn to for help and advice such as

Marie Stopes

Brook

and in the USA

Planned Parenthood

 

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How Porn Can Affect Your Relationship

Ahhh, porn. For some people, it’s a bit of spice to help them wank away their cares or the inspiration for all the devious things they want to do with a partner. To some people, though, porn is the devil and anyone who watches is doomed to a life of hellish sexual dissatisfaction, a lack of willing partners, and possibly even hairy palms.

Porn is many things to many people but it is neither the most amazing thing on the planet for every single person nor the worst thing ever created by mankind. In reality, for most people, porn is somewhere in the middle. The right kind of porn with an understanding partner can create a safe space to explore sexuality. Unsafe, too much, or hidden porn habits can foster distrust and hurt relationships.

Positive Affects of Porn

Porn has an awful reputation out in the world. Of course, so does BDSM, masturbation, open relationships, and even sex toys. Like everything else, porn can have a positive affect. Whether you prefer ethical porn that’s inclusive of different body types, genders, and sexuality or you like mainstream hardcore porn, what affects your relationship most is how you treat each other.

Porn Helps You Talk About Your Fantasies

When you and your partner watch porn together, you create space to start a conversation. Many people find it difficult to say things like, “I’d like you to tie me to the bed, hit me with a flogger, and fuck me with a dildo.” Watching porn together can make it easier. Porn allows you to see something on the screen and say to your partner, “I kind of like that” or “That’s such a turn on.” It also gives you the opportunity to say, “I don’t think I’d like that” or “That’s not my thing.”

Porn Can Inspire Your Sexual Pleasure

We don’t always know what we like until we see it or hear about it. You might not have known you loved face-sitting or cock and ball torture until you watched it in porn. Nudge your partner and say, “Would you like to try that?” You never know how they may respond. Watching porn together can be a great way to explore when you feel like you’re in a sexual rut, too. When my partner and do I will often scroll through porn videos and until we find something we enjoy. We may not try exactly what we watched, but it definitely inspires some kinky fuckery of our own.

Porn May Enhance Your Sexual Experience

The act of watching porn may or may not get you off but it will likely arouse you to some degree. Knowing that, you can use porn as part of sex with your partner. Masturbating together while watching porn counts. So does watching a few minutes and then acting out what you see or simply enjoying each other’s body. For some, porn is foreplay, and for others, it’s the main event – but the act of watching it together is part of the entire experience.

Porn Proves that Sexual Attraction Happens Outside of Relationships

Very little hurts a relationship worse than jealousy. How many of us have felt insecure when we think a partner finds someone else attractive? It’s extremely common and doesn’t bring out the best in people. Assuming your partner is a decent human being in all other aspects, finding another person sexually attractive doesn’t mean they don’t care about you, love you, or want you. If you get turned on by the porn you’re watching, it makes sense your partner is, too. Understanding this can open your mind and free you of the (sometimes) debilitating insecurities that can wreck a relationship.

Negative Affects of Porn

Nothing is all good or bad. Porn is most often demonized as dangerous to relationships. When approached in a open, honest, and thoughtful way, porn can make relationships better. But it’s not without it’s flaws.

Porn Can Create False Expectations

Objectification of female bodies, unrealistic expectations about how sex works, and a false sense of what “normal” bodies look like – these are just a few of the false expectations created by porn. If your only real experience with sex or kink comes from porn, there’s a good chance it’s not going to be great for your relationship. When one partner expects (or demands) their sex to mimic what they see in porn, they’re bound to be disappointed and even potentially dangerous.

Porn as a Replacement for Intimacy

Anything can be used to replace intimate connections with other people. Porn is a common culprit, though. Instead of sharing sexual pleasure, trying out new fantasies, or acknowledging desire, your partner might seek out porn instead. Porn isn’t necessarily the problem – whatever has created a disconnect in your relationship is the problem. Ideally, a lot of communication and a willingness to be honest with each other can help you repair your connection or help you decide to go your separate ways.

Porn Addiction

Please do not think I’m saying that everyone who watches porn will get addicted. If that was the case, the vast majority of us would have our nose to a screen and our hands down our pants more often than we already do. The reality is that some people have addictive personalities. Porn is simply the thing they’ve turned to. Watching porn may begin as a healthy function of your relationship and turn into an addiction over time. Addiction prevents people from functioning as they should in all aspects of their life, not just sexually. If your or your partner suspect one of you is addicted to porn, please seek professional help if you can.

Hiding Your Porn Habit

Lying in a relationship almost never ends well. Lying about your porn habit adds to the stigma (in general) that porn itself is bad or unhealthy. Ideally watching porn in your relationship will be accepted and something you discuss freely. Hiding your porn watching habits creates distrust between you both. The conversation about why you want to watch porn might be difficult, but so is what happens once you’re caught. It’s much better to be honest about porn than to hide it.

If you can imagine a fetish, kink, or sexual desire, porn has been created about it. Just like everything else about sex desire and sexuality, the porn we like is unique to all of us. The type of porn you watch matters less than the way you treat it in your relationship. (For the record, ethically created, diverse, and inclusive porn is always a great choice!) When used to create intimacy and foster communication, porn can enhance pleasure and sex. But when watching porn is treated as a replacement for connection and intimacy or becomes something you have to hide, it’s no good for anyone in your relationship.

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Anal Sex Golden Rules – Top Tips

Most of us have heard stories that tell of mind blowing orgasms from anal sex. However, for many, the first time trying anal sex is also the last. When considering the discomfort and sometimes sharp pains running through your bum when trying anal for the first time, it’s easy to understand why most people have only tried anal sex once. But, take it from me, your first time doesn’t have to be your last. With three simple golden rules, you can forget the ‘ouches or yikes’ and become an anal sex rock star.

#1 Go Slow – I know that it’s hard to slow down, especially when taboo territory is fixing to be explored. But, take it from a pro, going slow and taking your time is key to ensuring that both you and your partner have a positive experience.

#2 Warm Up – Warming up the area before you play relaxes tight muscles for what’s to come, making insertion easier.

#3 Lots of Lube – Slippery when wet. Lube helps with the initial insertion and keeps everything slippery making it more fun for both of you.

 

You wouldn’t believe the number of times that I’ve heard, “nothing goes in my butt, that’s for experts only, or that’s painful”. How can you argue with that? All of these statements are valid feelings. All too often, someone who’s an anal virgin finally warms up to the idea, only to find that it’s painful. Usually, this can be attributed to an overzealous partner who is also inexperienced and tries to force their way in past muscles that aren’t ready to open up.

The physiology is rather simple. The anal opening is controlled by the sphincter muscles which is designed to stay nice and tight. Unlike the vagina, these muscles take a bit of coaxing to open up and be ready for penetration. Going too fast and trying to force them open will only result in it being painful. But not to fear, there are lots of ways to warm up the area.

Just like foreplay helps set the mood, your ass needs a bit or attention before jumping in. A sensual booty massage, oral sex, anal rimming or even intercourse works well. Anal safe sex toys also work wonders. Such as, rubbing a vibrator over the perineum area and around the anal rim or using a butt plug. Butt plugs are especially helpful because they hold open the anal sphincter muscle allowing it to relax and acclimate to being open. I find them really helpful because I can insert a plug before our playtime and when the time is right everything is relaxed and ready. No one size fits all, butt plugs can be purchased in various sizes and shapes, which allows you to choose the style that will work well for you.

Going slow is critical to ensuring that anal sex is enjoyable for the receiver. For most, the first few moments after insertion is a make or break time. This is when people typically say it hurts and give up. If you are the giver do NOT jump in and start pounding away. Instead, take time to savor the moment and have patience. I know it’s hard to hold back, but believe me, your lover will appreciate that you let them take the lead. But just because they are taking the lead and going slow, doesn’t mean that you have to be bored. Kissing your lover and stimulating there other reachable erogenous zones goes a long way to keeping the passion up and helping your lover relax at the same time.

The last of our golden rules is lots of lube. This may seem a bit weird, especially if you’re not used to using lube. But believe me, lube and anal sex are best buds. Unlike the vagina, the rectum doesn’t lubricate itself. Instead, it’s lined with a mucous membrane. Although this works great to help move waste along the intestines, it doesn’t do much to help with the friction of sex. That’s where lube becomes your new best friend. It coats the rectum and provides a slick surface making anal sex much more comfortable. Lube is not just for comfort, using lube also helps to maintain your rectum’s health. Without lube, the thin mucous membrane is susceptible to tearing which increases your chances of contracting Hepatics C. Lube also helps to maintain the longevity of your rectum. Over time, having anal sex without lube can lead to what some refer to as a “worn out hole”. In a nut shell, constant friction and pulling of the sphincter muscle from anal sex without lube can cause the muscle to lose its elasticity making it unable to close tightly.

How much lubricant should you use? When having anal sex, you can never have too much lube. In my bedroom, when preparing for anal sex, we make sure to lube both the giver and the receiver. We apply lube before insertion and, many times, he’ll pull right back out and apply more lube. We always keep the lube close at hand in case more is needed while we play. Something I’ve noticed during both anal and strapon sex is that the bottom side of his member or my dildo tends to lack sufficient lube causing a bit of discomfort when penetrating. To make sure things are slippery and comfortable, we tend to go extra slow at first taking our time to apply more lube. It maybe be a bit messy, but it’s well worth a little mess.

Not one of my anal sex golden rules, but often a concern of those who are new to anal pleasures is the possibility of a mess. This fear is completely understandable, no one wants to discover an accident in the middle of their fun. Not to worry, with a bit of preparation, accidents are unlikely. Such as, having a normal bowel movement and using an anal douche to rinse the bits out of your rectum. Typically this is enough to ensure that things are nice and clean prior to anal sex. In all honesty, after a few years of enjoying anal sex on a regular basis, we’ve only had an accident a few times. Although it can be embracing, it’s not something to freak out over. For us, we keep a box of baby wipes nearby in case a quick cleanup is needed. Although it happens rarely, Hubby is always very kind about the situation and will help me relax before he excuses himself to wash off. Although the receiver is often freaked out to find that they’ve caused a mess, the giver typically realizes that it was unintentional and not the end of the world. However, if you are worried about the possibility, wearing a condom during anal sex makes for quick and easy clean up when needed.

When the topic of anal sex is brought up, it’s not something to cringe at. Following these golden rules will help ensure that it’s a positive experience for you both. Share them with your partner and use the rules to help open up a healthy discussion about anal sex. Equipped with knowledge before you jump in. I’m sure you’ll find that anal sex can be an extremely gratifying sexual experience.

 

This blog post was originally written by Lori and published on ThatPosition.

Unfortunately, Lori doesn’t write anymore, so we can’t link it to her website.

The picture was taken by Lori.

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The Sensual Side to Strap-On Sex

When I type the words “Strap-on sex” or “pegging” into my search engine, a multitude of porn clips, erotic stories and informative guides show up. As I scroll through these results, it becomes apparent that the strap-on is most often portrayed as a tool used by dominant females, to make a male submissive feel powerless, emasculated or humiliated. In some cases, the male seems to endure this act (through pain and gritted teeth) in order to fully submit. Now, there are those among us (myself included), who find it highly erotic to use a strap-on in this way and there is certainly nothing wrong with this dynamic, but with very little information surrounding the sensual, intimate side to strap-on sex, it is easy to see why the idea of pegging can intimidate those who have no interest in BDSM or power exchange dynamics. For some, this image is enough to put them off altogether, which is a shame. So today I want to discuss the sensual side to strap-on sex and why you should consider adding it to your sexual repertoire.

So let me begin by reassuring the dubious, that strap-on sex, like any other sexual proclivity, can be enjoyed by anyone, in any kind of relationship, with any kind of dynamic and you should indulge in a way that titillates you and your partner, not the rest of the world. Sex should be enjoyable after all. It can be difficult to find the truth behind the myths and see through the stereotypes, but when you get right down to it; that is all they are. Indulging in strap-on sex sessions does not “make” you anything (homosexual, submissive or anything else you feel you are not), it is simply a new experience, a tool that provides new sensations. Strap-on sex can be tender, erotic and completely pain-free. I refer to this as sensual pegging. The dictionary defines the word “sensual” as “arousing gratification of the senses and physical, especially sexual, pleasure”. Some of our most intense sexual experiences and most vivid memories arise when we stimulate multiple senses (Sight, touch, sound, taste and smell) and with this in mind, it is easy to imagine why so many people enjoy sensual strap-on sex. The harness can be used to stimulate multiple senses at once. Let’s take a deeper look.

Sight

Visual information plays a large part in building our arousal (this is especially true for males) and the strap-on harness provides a veritable feast for the eyes. You are stimulating this particular sense from the moment you slip into your harness and it doesn’t (and shouldn’t) end there. In fact, there are many ways you can use the strap-on, to tease your partner visually. Start by considering the overall look (or fantasy) you want to fulfill and then team your strap-on harness with some beautiful lingerie, or even a sexy outfit to suit. (Naked works for many too). Dressing to suit the mood can really help you gain confidence and encourage you to explore new roles more deeply, which can heighten the fantasy. I also recommend that you imagine your strap-on dildo is a real appendage between your legs, because this mindset opens up new, imaginative possibilities. For example, try walking around the room, allowing your partner to watch as the dildo bobs and juts out suggestively, then let them watch as you apply lubricant and begin to stroke and caress the dildo, just as you would a real penis. If the thought appeals, you could even consider
purchasing an ejaculating dildo, for even more visual effect. When it comes to penetration, try getting into positions that allow your partner to watch your hips rolling and thrusting. This incredibly erotic movement is arousing for most people. To add the final flourish, don’t forget to make eye contact occasionally.

Pro tip: When you remove one of the senses, it amplifies the others. If you want to elevate your partner’s sense of touch, for example, consider blindfolding them beforehand.

Touch

Physical contact can be electric and while it is possible to penetrate your partner without using a strap-on (using fingers and toys), there are some elements that can only be appreciated with a strap-on harness. The ability to penetrate while keeping both hands free is just one of these amazing benefits. With your hands free to wander, you can caress and stimulate your partner in a variety of ways and different positions provide different opportunities to touch. Some positions, like spoons and missionary, allow for full body contact and cuddling, which feels more intimate than sitting between your partner’s legs with a sex toy. There are many ways to use a strap-on, to tease and tantalize your partner’s sense of touch. Experiment by tapping the dildo against their thighs and buttocks, sliding it along their body, or even pressing it against them as you embrace. You could ask them to stroke the dildo as they would a real penis and for the adventurous among you, kiss, lick and suck it. To heighten the sensations during penetration apply a tingling, or cooling lubricant to the dildo before insertion, or whip out the massage oils for a really tactile, full body experience.

Taste

You might be wondering how on earth the sense of taste can be evoked during sensual strap-on sex, but with a little imagination, it can. Just as it is much more difficult to caress your lover without a free hand, it also makes it harder to kiss and lick your partner intimately, while sat between their legs. Of course, using a strap-on will make it difficult to provide oral sex, but it gives you carte blanche to indulge in some passionate kissing, neck nibbling and licking. Mouth to skin contact feels highly intimate.

Sound

Not only is communication sexy (think of the time someone whispered something hot into your ear and you melted into a hot pool of lust), it is also helps you discover each other’s desires. Knowing what your partner likes, or doesn’t like, can help you tailor your sessions to suit. If you already enjoy dirty talk, then let it be known by speaking up during your session. If you feel a little shy about vocalising your passion, remember that a sexy moan, sigh or whimper can speak volumes. To help you feel more comfortable communicating in the bedroom, begin by asking questions, or telling your partner your thoughts.

Smell

Our sense of smell is also an important, but often overlooked element to sexual arousal and the strap-on lets you penetrate your partner in positions that allow for closeness. Being able to hold each other closely, gives you the opportunity to breathe in the scent of your partner’s hot skin, perfume and kisses. You can heighten this sense by using scented massage oils to stroke, or slide up against your partner’s body during penetration.

The most important point to take away from this article is that strap-on sex can be anything you want it to be. Some enjoy it rough and animalistic, while others prefer a more sensual, playful experience. The amazing thing about pegging is that it provides both physical and psychological pleasure and you can take advantage of this, using the strap-on harness to stimulate a variety of senses and fulfil a variety of fantasies, to mind blowing effects.

This post was originally written by Gritty Woman and published on That Position

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