It has been a long and lonely year and then some (Fuck 2020) many of us are ready to get back out there doing kinky maybe sexy things with others. How do you go about doing that? (especially if you’re single) Where is this fetish scene people talk about and how do you access it? Let Victoria Blisse fill you in and lead you to the satisfying ending your kinky little solo heart desires.
What is the Fetish scene?
The scene is not an entity in itself, it’s the overarching name that refers to lots of different events which have a fetish theme.
- Munches – A social event, often in a pub, for people into kink (mostly BDSM) to meet up and chat in an informal setting. These events are a good way to introduce yourself to other kinksters without any kind of kink play or sex being involved.
- BDSM events- Many swingers venues hold BDSM events, to appeal to the fetish scene. There are also BDSM event spaces such as dungeons that hold regular (usually monthly) events that are available for any kinkster to use the spaces and equipment for whatever they fancy, within the rules of course.
- Specific fetish events Themed events are often workshops which are really good for learning all the moves of any given kink or fetish. It’s especially good for single people as you’re meeting with a whole group of people into something you’re into! Some themed events happen regularly, such as rope jams where you can learn all things bondage.
- *Fetish Fairs and Markets The focus of these events is usually split between a daytime market where you can pick up new kinky gear from fetish furniture to latex dresses and more and an evening play event where you can try out what you’ve bought.
Who is welcome on the Fetish Scene?
Everyone and everyone can go to fetish events but you might need to find ones that welcome you in particular.
Some clubs and events can be very straight so if you’re LGBT it’s best to look for events that advertise that you’re welcome to attend or ask around.
The fetish scene is overwhelmingly white in many instances, something that definitely needs to change, there are welcoming events, if in doubt contact the event organiser and ask.
Accessibility can be an issue as many venues are old buildings or on industrial estates and others are in city centres and involve lots of stairs, if you have accessibility needs contact the event organiser in advance to save yourself any frustrating wasted journeys.
If you’re a single femme presenting person you might feel extra nervous going to a kink event on your own. Don’t be. The event organiser will help you find people to chat to in the first place and if you do find yourself feeling threatened then report that back to them. If you’re in danger then yell ‘Stop’ ‘Red’ ‘No’ loudly and repeatedly and people will come to check if you’re okay.
Where to start?
Firstly, you want to find out what is on in your local area. The best way to do this is to check out fetlife. It’s a website for kinksters and most events list their details on the site. To access fetlife you’ll need to sign up and create a profile. You can then click onto the events tab and search for events in your area.
If you’ve never been to a fetish event before your best place to start out is a munch as it’s just a place to chat with others similarly interested in kinky things. You can chat to lots of people and find new friends as well as gathering information about when and where the hot events will be. You can make some friends so you don’t have to go into a play event all on your own, it’s good to have some familiar faces in such situations.
Trying anything new is anxiety inducing but walking into a room of kinksters with no idea what might greet you has to be one of the most daunting things ever.
I’ll let you into a secret. Everyone one the fetish scene was terrified their first time too. Stepping over the threshold will take a little bravery but once you do you’ll find a warm welcome.
If you’re feeling particularly nervous you can contact the event organiser in advance. They will then arrange for someone to meet you, show you in and around the venue as well as introducing you to the regulars. This can take a lot of the worry out of your first time.
Interacting at events
- check the rules – every event and venue will have them
- ask questions – Even if you think they’re silly. It’s the only way to get answers
- ask if you can watch/join in before entering someone else’s scene
- assume consent – Always ask before joining in
- hide away in a corner – You’re unlikely to find friends if you sit alone
- Stand too close to people in play- if people are swinging whips/paddles etc. don’t get in the way
As a single person at a fetish scene event you might not get involved in play the very first time you go to an event, especially if you’re a single CIS man, as a lot of trust is involved in any kink play. However, if you go with an open mind and realistic goals you can have a really time. Not only will you have one exciting day with other kinksters you’ll become part of a much bigger community and have many more opportunities to explore all your kinks and fetishes. Don’t let being single hold you back from finding new fetish friends and play mates!
Victoria Blisse (she/her) is known as the Queen of Smut, reverend to the kinky and is the writer in residence at Cocktails and Fuck Tales. She’s also an angel. Ask anyone.
Passion, love and laughter fill her works, just as they fill her busy life.
Find out more at: victoriablisse.co.uk