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7 inspirational women for International Women’s Day

How do you go about choosing 7 inspirational women out of all the incredible, talented, hard-working, passionate women in the world? It’s an almost impossible task, especially for someone like me who is lucky enough to have a timeline that is constantly bursting with the achievements, plans, campaigns and ideas of incredible women.

 

What I did, honestly, was just list off the top of my head people who were most recently in my mind, whose work had made me laugh or cry or learn or want to storm Parliament and dismantle it brick by brick. Some of them you may know already, others you may not, and one in particular might have you asking ‘what the hell is this person doing on a sex-focused website?’ The answer is simply that I love her, and love her work. So what follows is neither a focused nor complete list, it’s just a collection of women who have inspired or educated me over the last year, who I am grateful to for their incredible work.

 

I invite you to follow them all, then take this list and add to it – with a comment, or a share on Twitter or Facebook, naming a few of the women who have inspired you in the last year.

 

Lea DeLaria

 

You will probably know her best as ‘Boo’ from Orange is the New Black, but Lea DeLaria has been doing incredible stuff for a long time. She began her career as a stand-up comedian (a career she describes as the ‘last bastion of the straight white male’), and is credited with being the first openly gay comic on a US talk show back in 1993.

 

Naturally, I think she’s a brilliant actress, but what made me want to include her on this list was her incredible interview with Krishnan Guru-Murthy for his ‘Ways to change the world’ podcast. Please go and listen to it when you get the chance, it’s a treat you’ll be glad you gave yourself. She is fiercely compassionate, intensely funny and powerfully angry at the state of the world, but what I admire the most is how she manages to stay angry enough to fight against injustice while remaining hopeful and positive enough to maintain the motivation to keep going.

 

Paris Lees – @ParisLees

 

Paris is an incredible writer and activist. The last two years have seen what appears to me to be a huge upswing in the amount of public attacks on trans people in the UK media, so it’s important to highlight those, like Paris, who are tackling this problem every day. In writing and media appearances, Paris explains with powerful arguments and personal stories why it is so important that we stand up for trans rights.

 

That alone is enough to make her one of the women I admire, but on top of that I also love her because it was a BBC investigation of hers, in 2016, that alerted me to the fact that not many content producers were creating porn for visually impaired people. That inspired me to start making audio porn of my own, which has made my own blog better for people with visual impairments, but also just brought me a hell of a lot of joy.

 

Dr Eleanor Janega – @GoingMedieval

 

If you thought you’d left history behind when you left school, allow me to introduce you to the weird and wonderful world of what I’m going to loosely term ‘Medieval Dick History.’ The specialist subject of historian Dr Eleanor Janega, whose blog ‘Going Medieval’ covers everything from the medieval concept of chivalry (and why it’s absolutely appalling) to the history behind anti-masturbation movements and No Nut November.

 

It’s not just the history, though: it’s the way she manages to highlight the exact relevance of all this to the weird and sometimes fucked-up present we find ourselves living in, like exploring past approaches to sex work, including legalisation, and comparing them with the modern-day sex work ‘rescue industry.’ Her work is often intense, touching on subjects that are complex and important, but she writes everything with the excitement of someone who can’t wait to invite you in to her world and share her knowledge with you. She’ll be speaking at Eroticon in March and I am incredibly excited.

 

Juno Mac and Molly Smith – @fornicatrix and @pastachips

 

I’m including both Juno and Molly in here because I’ve followed both of them on Twitter for a while, and their campaigning on sex work decriminalisation made me want to seek out a lot more info. If you’d asked me ten years ago I’d have said I was all in favour of sex work ‘legalisation’, without really understanding what that meant.

 

Now, I’m halfway through the incredible book they co-wrote – Revolting Prostitutes – and feeling like I am much closer to grasping the important threads in the debate about sex work, and why decriminalisation – not legalisation – is so important. You should definitely check out the book, or if you’d like an intro to the topic it’s well worth watching Juno’s TED talk, which is my go-to resource to send people who want to understand the crux of the issue.

 

Esther Perel – @EstherPerel

 

My secret shame is that I initially started listening to Esther Perel’s ‘Where shall we begin?’ podcast out of little more than prurience and despair. The podcast takes conversations with couples who want to discuss a relationship or sexual issue, and lets you listen in on how Esther guides them on a journey to better understanding each other. I began listening because I wanted to hear about other people’s relationship problems, at a time when I was experiencing some of my own, and a small mean part of me wanted to hear that other people suffered with similar issues. Another part of me was just curious about the more sexual issues that people brought to the table.

 

But after a couple of episodes I realised I could see myself somewhere in all of these stories, and learn more about myself and how to better conduct my own relationships. I’d thoroughly recommend it for anyone, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Perel’s style is to encourage people to work through to the root of their fears and worries, and I think the journeys she takes people on are a great way to learn to practice compassion and empathy.

 

Dr Jen Gunter – @DrJenGunter

 

Ever heard of a ‘yoni egg’? They’re one of the many banes of Dr Jen Gunter’s life, after Gwyneth Paltrow’s pseudoscience ‘lifestyle’ website started promoting jade eggs as something you might enjoy putting in your vagina. Spoiler: you should not put these in your vagina. Jade is porous and you could be inviting in some real problems with bacterial infections. Stick to body-safe sex toys like the lovely silicone sex toys you can find on this very site.

 

It’s not just jade eggs that Dr Gunter tackles, though: her blog is a treasure-trove of info, where she regularly counters dangerous advice (coffee enemas! Vaginal steaming! Some sort of vaginal teabags!) with expert advice garnered through her many years working as an Ob-Gyn. As well as offering advice on gynaecological health, she also fights for abortion rights. I am still shocked we have to do this in the year 2019, but shock notwithstanding, I’m very glad she’s fighting in our corner.

 

Gina Miller – @thatginamiller

 

An incredible, courageous, hard-working and dedicated woman, Gina Miller is the living embodiment of the phrase ‘not all heroes wear capes.’ Since the UK voted to leave the EU by a tiny margin, after an appallingly divisive referendum campaign characterised by lies and illegality, Gina Miller stood up to challenge the government in court. It was her hard work and campaigning that ensured the UK Government could not trigger Article 50 without first bringing the matter to Parliament.

 

We’re still on course to leave the EU, and potentially in the most disastrous way possible, but Gina Miller has been fighting this every step of the way, despite been let down by politicians who bow to populism, and harassed by misogynists and racists who screech abuse at her from behind anonymous Twitter profiles. She is a hero, and International Women’s Day feels like as good an excuse as any to say thank you to her for her skill, patience and determination. She is top of my list today, and every day, and probably always will be.

 

 

As I said at the start, this isn’t an exhaustive list. The main problem with naming awesome women is that no doubt as soon as this article goes live, I’ll think of someone else I should have added who I’ll kick myself for forgetting. But I can live with that, I think, because International Women’s Day shouldn’t be a one-off event where we say ‘thanks’ to some great women then drop the subject as soon as midnight strikes tonight. Instead I hope this is a prompt for you – and me – to celebrate women’s achievements more all year round, and remember to say ‘thank you’ to those who entertain, educate and inspire us.

 

 

 

 

 

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Put A Condom On Yes, condoms are part of our sexual life and having an Interational Condom Day

Put A Condom On For International Condom Day

There’s one thing that we should celebrate more than Valentines Day. For some people this day is very important, but let’s be clear, what would we do without condoms?!

Yes, condoms are part of our sexual life and having an Interational Condom Day today is great excuse to talk a bit about condoms plus we’ve also got a challenge for you!

So let’s start with the basics, what is a condom?

  • A condom comes in a foil packet.
  • Condoms are thin pouches that keep sperm from getting into the vagina.
  • A condom is worn on the penis.
  • It is usually made of latex a type of rubber.

But some are made of materials that are safe for people with latex allergies , such as polyurethane or polyisoprene.

 

The condom is rolled over the penis and forms a protective barrier that helps to prevent the spread of sexual transmitted infections (STI) and is also one of the most reliable forums of contraception.

There’s a wonderful in-depth post on condoms, written by Molly Moore which you can read just HERE . We highly recommend you to check it out if your looking for more information on condoms. It’s been said that condoms are a passion killer (you obviously don’t have kids).

Some people said that the moment you need to put a condom on in the middle of a sex is killing the atmosphere. But there are many who will say that actually condoms can spice up the foreplay.

 

So here’s a challenge for you!

We want to test your skills in putting a condom on, but wait! that’s not all, cause it would be too easy.

We challenge you to put a condom on, BLINDFOLDED.

Simply grab a condom, something to cover your eyes and any dildo, vegetable or excited willing volunteer you can get your hands on.

 

Here are the rules:

The blindfold must be from start to finish  (before you open the condom)

  1. The condom must be on properly and not broken.
  2. There is no time limits or times to beat but if your willing to record yourself and post it to social media, tag us in and use the #PutACondomOn and we will email you a 35% of discount code.

 

We had so much fun doing this video so we’re really really looking forward to see what videos you produce, might even have a blog showcasing them.

 

For now have fun and stay colourful.

 

Team G

 

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The in and out of condoms

The in and out of condoms

Condoms, French Letter, Rubbers, Johnny’s, Prophylactic, Love Glove, Cock Sock, Cum Catcher. Whatever you call it is one of the oldest and yet still most popular forms of birth control in the world today.

Did you know that the oldest condoms ever excavated were found in a cesspit located in the grounds of Dudley Castle and were made from animal membrane, the condoms dated back to as early as 1642 however evidence of condoms being used as a form of birth control and STI protection date back to the early 1500’s and there is even some evidence of very early versions of them being used in ancient Greek, Egyptian and Roman civilizations.

More than 5 billion condoms are sold world wide each year and today it is International Condom Day so let’s talk about condoms.

Birth Control and STI protection

The origins of condoms definitely lay in their use as a birth control however there is evidence of them being used in the 1500 to try to combat the spread of Syphilis which has swept across Europe and Asia. However in more modern times they had largely been associated with birth control and until the invention of the female contraceptive pill in the 1960’s were really the only reliable and somewhat acceptable contraception available but then HIV and AIDS was discovered in the early 1980’s and condoms usage become not just about birth control but also about saving lives and the rate of condom usage in the developed world soared.

When it comes to preventing pregnancy when they are used properly and consistently they are 97 percent effective. Condoms that break or slip accounts for the remaining 3 percent. If you don’t use them consistently or correctly then their effectiveness falls to 86%. This means that 14 out of 100 couples using condoms will become pregnant each year.

When it comes to preventing sexually transmitted infections the figures on that are a bit less clear but we do know that when used properly they are hugely successful and preventing the spread of all sorts of infections such as gonorrhea, chlamydia, trichomoniasis, and HIV. Which means that you should always be using a condom unless you are in a fluid bound relationship with a partner where you have both been tested and that neither of you is having sex with anyone else.

Picking A Condom

There are quite literally tons of different options available when it comes to condoms. You can buy ribbed, flavoured, glow in the dark, Extra Large. You get Latex, Polyurethane and animal membrane ones. You can buy ultra thin, second skin, sensitive. You can even get coloured ones. How on earth do you know what is the right one for you? The answer is that you need to try different ones and decide which one you and your partner(s) like the best.

Putting on a Condom

Condoms come wrapped in a square or round foil packet. make sure when you tear the packet open you don’t damage the condom also always makes sure that your condom is not past it’s use by date. If it is, throw it away and buy a new one. Never use an out of date condom.

Experts say you can put a condom on both a soft and hard penis but it is definitely easier to put them on if you are hard. If the man is uncircumcised pull back the foreskin before putting the condom on. Place the rolled condom over the tip of the erect penis. Leave a half-inch (1 cm) of space at the tip to collect semen. Pinch the air out of the tip with one hand while placing it on the penis. Unroll the condom over the penis with the other hand, rolling it all the way down to the base of the penis. Smooth out any air bubbles since they can cause condoms to break.

It is also important that you take off a condom correctly too.First of all the penis should be withdrawn from the body as soon after orgasm is possible and whilst the penis is still hard as that reduces the chances of leakage significantly. Also hold the condom at the base of the penis while pulling out to prevent it being left inside the body. Then remove it from the penis and tie a knot in it to stop it from leaking. Do not flush down the toilet but dispose of it in the bin.

If your condom breaks

Sometimes it happens, the condom splits or even comes off during sex. What you do when that happens really depends on your situation but it is vital that you tell your partner that it has happened so they can decide what precautions they want to take. If you/they are using some other form of birth control as well then pregnancy is not going to be your first worry. If they are not then you might want to think about taking a Morning After Pill. They can be purchased from most chemists in the UK.

When it comes to STI’s you should follow up with your doctor or local Sexual Health Clinic and get a full sexual health check up so you can make sure that you have not got any infections. The earlier most sexually transmitted infections are caught the easier they are too treat.

Use Lube

Did you know that a few drops of lube on the head of the penis before you roll the condom on will allow the inside of the condom to move around on the sensitive head of the penis much like foreskin does. It also helps with friction on the condom on this part of the penis and reduces the risk of the condom breaking. Don’t add too much though as you don’t want it to drip down the shaft of the penis and cause the condom to slip off. You want to the wetness to stay at the head of the condom.

You should also use lube to moisten the outside of the condom to reduce friction for your partner. This is particularly important when it comes to anal sex as unlike the vagina the rectum is not self lubricating but even for vaginal sex lube can help to reduce friction and not only make it feel better but also reduces the risk of tearing and breaking.

Where can I buy them?

You can buy condoms all over the place now. Supermarkets, chemists even your local corner shop but they are not the cheapest option. Our recommendation is to try Freedoms Shop who only sell online but are part of the NHS and therefore sell them a much cheaper price than anywhere else. They have a large selection of different kinds and they ship them off to you in discreet packaging.

But no matter which type you choose, or what reason you choose to use them always remember to wrap that rascal.

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NHS STI Banner for My trip to a sexual health clinic

My trip to the Sexual Health Clinic

So today. 14th January, is STIQ day. The Q stands for question and the idea behind the day is to encourage people to think about the sexual health and encourage people to get check-ups and ask questions about who they can better keep themselves safe and healthy whilst having an active sex life.

Sexually transmitted infections continue to be a major health risk for people and whilst the over all number of reported infections in 2018 fell the rates of Gonorrhoea (a 22% rise) and Syphilis (a 20% rise) have risen from the previous year and in March 2018, the first case of multi-drug resistant gonorrhoea was reported in the U.K. So now is as good a time as any to take a moment and think about your sexual health.

When was the last time you got tested?
Have you had sex with multiple partners since then?
Or maybe your partner has had sex with other people?
Maybe you and your partner have never been tested since you got together?

Unless you are absolutely sure you are in a fluid bound relationship with a single partner and have both been tested since starting that relationship or are not sexually active since your last test then you really should get yourself checked out. It can make all the difference when it comes to treatment as for many of these infections the earlier you catch them the easier it is to treat them and it can also give you peace of mind as hopefully you will discover that you are STI free.

Going for a check up can also give you an excellent opportunity to talk to a medical professional about how you can reduce your risks when it comes to STI’s but also a great time to talk about contraception and any other sexual related questions you might have. It might sound a bit daunting but it really is not, there are NHS STI clinics set up all around the UK that you can go to and they are friendly, welcoming and non-judgemental.

Don’t believe me? Then read about Monika’s recent experience of visiting her local Sexual Health Clinic.

For the past few months everywhere I looked on social media or in the news all I could see were big words shouting at me – Get Tested For STI! It just got stuck in my head and
I knew that I had to do something about it. So me being very curious and having a very deep desire to check my body I decided to actually go and get tested. I initially got an appointment by my GP  because I thought that was the best and easiest cause way but I was informed that I didn’t need to do that and the best way was to go to the NHS Sexual Health Clinic which I didn’t need an appointment for and they would see me. So I got the leaflet with the date and I was actually excited about finally going to do this.

I live in Leicester so it was easy to find the clinic where I supposed to have my tests done. The lady at the reception desk was really nice and I felt very comfortable the moment I arrived there. I didn’t have to wait too long so that was a bonus. In my head I had so many questions to ask, as I had few other intimate issues I wanted to solve. After few minutes of waiting I got invited into the room by a really nice lady. Firstly she got my details like name and address, do I have any kids and partner, when was the last time I had
intercourse when was my last period and what contraception do I use – none of the questions made me feel uncomfortable and she was really easy to talk to. I felt comfortable telling her that I didn’t currently use any birth control but I would like to change that and choose the right one for me. She explained to me all the options and I was happy to make another appointment to make it happen. What a relief!

Then it was a time to take the samples for the STI tests. It was a simple swab of my vagina. It took just a couple of minutes and was neither painful or uncomfortable. I was worried that the test would not happen because I was on my period but it didn’t matter. The test can still be done. First STI tests completed! While I’m here I might kill two birds with one stone and do a HIV test! I’ve never done before it so I wasn’t sure what to expect. I went to other room to see different lady who took a blood sample. I got informed that I have to wait 7 to 10 days for the result which was not a big deal at all.

I left the clinic with a peace of mind and a satisfaction that I have finally got tested. It was something that I always wanted to do but never made time for which was not a good thing at all. I really would recommend that you get tested for STI’s. It really was easy and has given me huge peace of mind. People at the clinic were nice and helpful they also answered some of the other questions I had about my body and contraception. It was absolutely worth doing. My advice would be don’t wait or keep putting it off like I did but make the time to do it and you will be happy that you did.

Monika

Sadly due to budget cuts in the NHS for some people their Sexual Health Clinic might be a significant distance away. If that happens to be the case for you then check out FreeTest and you might be eligible to have one sent to your home. Also Freedoms Shop who not only sell bargain packs of Condoms but also do a home HIV testing kit that you can order. m

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woman laying on her back wearing strap on pants with red dildofor post about strap-on sex

First-Time Strap-on Sex for Vulva Owners

[First, a quick note on terms: I am a queer, cisgender woman and am writing from that perspective. However, I have used the term “vulva-owners” and gender-neutral pronouns in this piece as much as possible in order to be more inclusive in my language. Not everyone who has a vulva is a woman, and not all women have vulvas!]

Strap-on sex is amazing. I love both giving and receiving penetration with a strap-on, regardless of the gender or genital configuration of my partner. But how can you get the best out of this often misunderstood sex act?

Let’s Bust Some Myths!

“Queer women who want to be penetrated with a strap-on are actually straight.” Nope! The sex acts you engage in (or the toys you use) have precisely nothing to do with your sexual orientation. A queer-identified person who wants to be vaginally penetrated with a strap-on isn’t secretly wishing they were having sex with a cis man, I promise. Orientation is based on who you do the things with (or don’t,) not on the things you do.

“Using a big dildo will stretch out my vagina permanently.” Again, no. Vaginas are muscles and muscles are pretty incredible things – they stretch and then spring back to their original state. No sex toy – or bio cock – can permanently stretch your vagina.

“The person doing the penetrating doesn’t get any pleasure.” In my experience, this is absolutely not true. There are all kinds of ways to ensure the penetrating partner gets pleasure too – some harnesses have little pockets where you can put a small vibrator to stimulate the wearer’s clitoris, and you can even get “strapless strap-ons” (think the Feeldoe) where one end sits inside the giver’s vagina while they penetrate their partner with the other end. (Note: I do not recommend these for beginners as they’re more difficult to use and control than standard strap-ons.) There’s also pleasure beyond the physical. For me, the “thud” of muscle on muscle as I fuck my partner, and the sounds and expressions of pleasure they make, are hugely gratifying in and of themselves.

Now that we’ve got those out of the way, let’s move on.

Picking the Right Gear

Godemiche recently published a fabulous piece on picking the right harness so do check that out. Personally I recommend picking something comfortable, adjustable, and with the ability to change the ring size so that you can use different dildos with it.

The next step is choosing your dildo. There are four main things to consider:

  • Body safety! You want a non-porous and non-toxic material. For a strap-on dildo, that means going for pure silicone. Buy your toys from a reputable manufacturer or retailer, not on eBay or Amazon!
  • Size. I recommend starting small if you’re not used to being penetrated regularly. You can always work up. Another option, if you can afford to, is to buy a selection of dildos of different sizes to play with.
  • Texture. Some people love being penetrated with textured dildos – think ridges, bumps or realistic “veins”. Others, like me, find it painful. If in doubt I recommend starting with a smooth toy.
  • Base. Your dildo needs to have a wide enough base to hold it securely in your harness. Look for words like “flared base,” “strap-on compatible” or “harness compatible” in the product listing.

And finally, don’t forget lube! If you’re using a silicone dildo, you need a good quality, water-based lubricant. Even if you or your partner produces a lot of lubrication naturally, a little extra can’t hurt and will help prevent any bad pain from happening. I recommend Sliquid.

Now the Fun Part!

Okay, you’re all set and you’re ready to have some strap-on fun! I hope these tips will help you and your partner get the most out of the experience.

First, try to take the pressure off yourselves. The goal shouldn’t be for the receptive partner to have taken your biggest dildo up to the hilt by the end of the night. The goal should simply be for you both to have a lovely, connective, sexy time together.

I don’t like the term “foreplay” (the acts we usually refer to as “foreplay” are part of sex!) but for want of a better term, it will have to do for now. So: plenty of foreplay. Start with cuddling, kissing, making out and touching each other until you’re both really turned on. Some people like to have an orgasm – or several – before being penetrated at all. If that’s the case, you can do hand sex, oral sex, play with toys, or masturbate together.

When it’s time for penetration, positioning is important – and what’s comfortable will depend on the size, shape and ability level of your bodies. I’m quite short, so I like to kneel between my partner’s legs and use a pillow or two to lift their hips up, giving me better access to their vagina. You can also use a piece of sex furniture such as a Liberator wedge, if that helps – this can be particularly useful for those in bigger bodies or with limited mobility. Other positions include the receptive partner on their back on the bed while the giving partner stands; missionary; doggie; or on your sides in the “spooning” position. Let your imaginations run wild and position yourselves in whatever way feels natural and comfortable.

You may need to guide the dildo into your partner’s vagina manually. Don’t be afraid to do this – better to have a little help from your hand than to go in at the wrong angle and cause them pain. Slide inside slowly at first, and give them time to adjust to the sensation.

The main tool you need is, of course, communication. Don’t be afraid to communicate verbally before, during and after strap-on play. You don’t need to carry on a full conversation during (unless you want to!) of course, but using your words is an important and underrated skill. Phrases like “How does that feel?” “Are you ready for me to go deeper?” and “Please let me know if anything hurts” are really useful for the penetrating partner. And phrases such as “Harder,” “Slow down a bit” and even “Can we change position, my leg’s going to sleep?” are useful if you’re the one being penetrated.

Try different types of movement. It’s not all about pounding! Try thrusting, try moving your hips in circles while your dildo is inside your partner, try moving the dildo very slowly just a few inches in and out, and try holding still and having your partner clench their vaginal walls around the dildo. Pay attention to the reactions you get and, again, communicate.

Let’s Talk About Orgasm!

The vast majority of people with vulvas do not experience orgasm from penetration alone. This doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, and it doesn’t mean they’re broken! If you’re struggling with this, read Emily Nagoski’s amazing book, Come As You Are. In general, I don’t recommend making orgasm your main or only goal, because goal-oriented sex tends to feel too pressured to be fun. However, if the receiving partner would like to try to reach orgasm during your strap-on play and doesn’t get there just from penetration, you’ll need to introduce some clitoral stimulation. (Even if orgasm isn’t necessarily your aim, lots of people really like having their clitoris stimulated while they’re being penetrated!)

Rub your partner’s clit with your fingers while you fuck them, or have them touch themselves if they prefer – or you could use a vibrator, from a small bullet vibe right up to a mains-powered wand. Whatever feels good for you both, do it. Some people will want you to thrust hard and fast as they get close to orgasm, and others will want you to stop moving and just hold your dildo inside them. The only way to know your partner’s preference is to ask and to follow their body language,  so do that!

What if it goes wrong?

In sex, as in life, sometimes things won’t go the way you want them to. Perhaps the receiving partner experiences pain as soon as you try to penetrate them (if this happens regularly, see a doctor.) Or perhaps you just bump their cervix or go in at slightly the wrong angle and it hurts. Perhaps everything’s going well, but one or both of you just can’t quite get off. That’s okay! Things might not go perfectly, the first time or any subsequent time. The key to good sex isn’t everything being perfect, it’s learning how to roll with the punches and adjust.

Good sex should never hurt unless it’s consensual, safely applied pain. So if it hurts, stop! Receiving partners, listen to me: please do not endure pain because you think it’s what your partner wants. No-one who loves you will be okay with hurting you in a way you don’t like.

Try not to see needing to stop or change something as a failure. You’re exploring each other’s bodies and this new activity. If you need to switch position, switch position. If you need a break, take a break. If you need to stop and do something else… you see where I’m going with this. Everything that goes wrong is a learning experience. With tonnes of mutual respect, affection, good communication and emphasis on consent, nothing truly terrible is going to happen – promise.

And afterwards?

Congratulations, you’re done! I hope you had a wonderful time. Now have a long cuddle, tell your partner they’re awesome, and sterilise that dildo! (Boil it in a pot of water on the stove for about ten minutes.) Next time, maybe the other person will wear the cock…?

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Beginner Gide To Anal Douching BlogBanner

Beginners Guide To Douching/Enema

Anal douching/enema’s are something we talk about often but as a general rule we find no one knows what they are. So we have put together our beginners guide to anal douching/enema.

However if you prefer watching to reading then jump straight to the bottom of this post and watch our video on the subject

What does an anal douche/enema look like?

An anal douche has a bulbous base, the bulbous base is hollow and can be made of plastics, silicone or rubber. The bulbous base is hollow and holds a small amount of water. At the top of the bulbous base is a nozzle, water is squeezed from the base up through the nozzle and into your butt.

Why douche?

The body passes poo out the bum hole and douching is a way of cleaning your butt for anal sex. If your anxious about getting shit all over your dick then douching can help alleviate that concern. It’s also much cleaner for general penetration and also other things such as anal rimming.

Douching on a daily basis is not recommended as it can affect the intestinal microflora, disturbing the balance of your bowel. A simple and easy way for a cleaner dowel is a high-fibre healthier diet and less greasy foods will stiffen up your poo and greatly reduce the need to douche.

How to use a douche

Buy yourself an anal douche. We DO NOT recommend sharing anal douche even if it’s completely cleaned. Having your own anal  douche reduces the chance of spreading intestinal parasites or certain STIs.

Fill the bulbous base with lukewarm water. Then carefully insert the nozzle in to your butt and squeeze in the water no need to squeeze in all the water. Pro tip, lube up the tip so it goes in nice and smoothly. Also make sure the water is lukewarm, cold water will give you cramps, hot water can scold your insides. With the water inside you, hold it there in your butt for a couple of seconds, standing up is easier to hold on the water inside. After a couple of seconds sit down on the toilet and release all the water. You need to get up and look at the water, if the toilet water is not clear then you need to repeat the douching process again, fill up the douche, stick it in, squeeze, release, check. You want to repeat this steps until the waters clear. If you have done this 6 time and the water is not clear then we recommend you accept today’s not a butt day and stop.

Take a couple of moments to make sure all the waters out. A common mistake is that they people don’t  get all the water out and that water makes an appearance when your having anal sex. It’s not pleasant and avoidable so just take a couple of seconds to make sure it’s all gone. 

Once the water runs clear then it’s time for a shower because you can’t be too clean when it comes to butt play. Wash your butt, don’t put soap in side your butt. 

So that was our simple steps to anal douching. We hope it helps and if you have any questions please get in contact.

Douching really is as simple as it sounds you just have to take your time. 

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Picture of Monika in strap on harness with Adam next to her covering his genitals with his hands

What is pegging?


Pegging is the reason we got in to the adult industry with ThatPosition back in 2012. It’s something we know well and something we LOVE to talk about and believe it or not pegging is super, super popular.

If you don’t know what pegging is, your in the right place to learn. We have put together this no nonsense Q&A to simply explain what pegging is so you can go and explore. We also have a video for those of you like me that prefer watching to reading. Just scroll to the bottom of the page and hit play.

Q. What is pegging?

 Simply put pegging is a sexual act where a woman fucks a guy in the ass with a dildo.The dildo is generally held in a strap on harness, like sexy underwear that lets you fuck a people.

Q. How does a woman do a guy?

Well the fucking is done with a dildo that usually has a round, flared base designed for a strap on harness. The flared base also stops a toy being pulled in to your bum if used out of a strap on harness. The woman then wears a strap on harness that holds the dildo so her hands are free to do the holding and her hips can do the rocking. 

Q. Is it enjoyable?

Hell yes. There are many enjoyable things about it. 

The thought of it being naughty and ‘not the done thing’ can be for some people very exciting. Then you have the physical sensation that is also enjoyable enhanced by the prostate (the male g-spot) that is found just inside the bum. Then you have the visual side, the person fucking you, the way their boobs sway and move, how their hands wander and eyes shine with excitement. Pack them all together and what you get is powerful, mind blowing orgasms. 

Q. Where do we start?

Assuming that you have both discussed pegging then a basic strap on harness and slender, finger like dildo and lube would be the ideal place to start. 

Our advice on harnesses is not to spend to much, you don’t yet know what you both like and every strap on harness and dildo have different features, feelings and price. We have even made a video about what harness to buy which you can see on Picking a Strapon Harness.

A great first harness and toy for a large majority of people would be the Sportsheets Red Lace Corsette Harness and one of our specially designed pegs or apprentice dildos. 

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Three Pegging Positions

3 Pegging Positions You Should Know

Today’s topic is pegging positions.

Doggy, Missionary & Cowboy are the 3 main positions for pegging that we enjoy. Each of these positions can be adapted with slight variation in body position or different locations and furniture such as beds or chairs. 

And if reading is not your thing than jump straight to the bottom and watch our video on this subject instead.

Doggy

So let’s start with the one everyone will know, doggy style. The person being pegged is at the bottom on hands an knees and the pegger is the one behind them on their knees. 

It’s a simple position that involves the pegger doing all the work. 

This position is great for more focused prostate stimulation also and also the person doing the pegging a great of movement. If you are new to pegging though take it easy at first as it is a new sensation that the person being pegged will need time to get used to.

Top tip – if your using a curved dildo like our Ambit, then turn it round so the dildo points down and not up. Your prostate is between the bladder and the tummy, so when your on your hands and knees to get the most prostate stimulation make sure your toy curves down towards the prostate not away from it. 

Missionary 

Another staple sex position of the bedroom but this time round he is on the bottom and she is on top. While laying on your back raise your legs towards your chest, your probably going to want to hold your legs.

As a pegger if your feeling especially dominant you can take hold of their legs and force them back. Taking control can add to the experience for both of you, remember this is a change of positions for you both, sometimes you want to be dominated and that feeling of just being fucked is hot. 

This position is great if you love watching. Laying on your back you get to see everything, her face, her boobs, your cock. Talking about cocks, this position is the best for having unrestricted access to your cock and allows you to look into each others eyes as you share this experience together.

Top tip – have a pillow handy to place under your lower back. It will raise you up just a little making penetration easier and enhancing the feeling.

Cowboy

Yep you got it just like cow girl but he does the riding. It lets your have complete control over how quick, how deep and just exactly how much you want to stimulate the prostate. 

Much more of a relaxed position for the pegger who lays on there back and enjoys the show. As a pegger this is also a good position for playing with their cock as you don’t have to concentrate on anything other than enjoying the show. 

Top tip – this is a great position to play around with edging. Edging is where you get almost to the point of orgasm, then stop and this is repeated. The build up of almost having an orgasm repeatedly can make for a more explosive orgasm when you finally do.

In summery these are 3 pegging positions we believe you should try first, each having a different sensation for you both to experience.  It’s ok not to like them all, everyone is different and it’s all about finding whats enjoyable for you. When you find what you like then you can explore different variations on that position.

Let us know your top tips and what position or positions you enjoy the most when it comes to pegging in the comments below.

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blue toned image of adam pointing at the words 5 common prostate questions

5 Common Questions About Prostate Sex

When I’m out at fetish markets I regularly get asked all sorts of questions but some of the most common ones asked revolve around anal and prostate play. What starts as a timidly asked question turns in to a cascade of other related questions people have around anal and I am always more than happy to answer them as best I can.

So in a bid to help as many people as we can we have decided to make a series of sex education videos which we will be posting on our YouTube channel over the next few months. We are focusing on the topics YOU most often ask us about starting this week with the all things prostate related.

Here are the 5 most common questions about sex and prostates that I generally get asked… and if you don’t feel like reading skip to the bottom of the page and watch our video for the answers instead.

What is the prostate?

The prostate is a walnut sized gland that is found between the bladder and the penis. It’s also called the p-spot and also the male g-spot.

What does the prostate do?

The prostate creates a fluid that’s found in semen. The fluid is added to the sperm as you ejaculate, think of it as helpfully lubricant that nourishes and helps sperm on it journey.

What is a prostate orgasm like?

Well you know how an orgasm feels, the moment you know your going to cum and it feels like the world slows down, you cum and you just feel relieved and a little spasmie, or is that just me? Anyway a prostate orgasm is just like that but some how amplified more. O an twinkly stars, you can’t forget the twinkling stars you get in your eyes, like with a migraine but intensely pleasurable. And there tends to be more semen produced as well.

How do you get to the prostate?

The easiest way is a finger up the bum. Your can find it by putting a finger up your your bum and curling it up towards your tummy. You don’t have to go very far into your bottom, only one and a half to two inches in. Curling your finger up a little will allow you to feel your prostate through the rectal walls. The prostate itself feels soft, squishy, the size of a walnut and it moves around a little as you try to touch it.

Why is a prostate orgasm so good?

I can tell you how it feels but past that really I can’t give a reason as to why it’s so dam good, it just is. You have to try it to fully know why. Nothing ventured nothing gained, but I’m almost certain that if you do venture and take your time your going to enjoy it.

Do you have a question you would like to ask us? Is there a topic you would like to see us tackle in one of our videos? Leave a comment here and you might just get a video made for you.

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Monika holding red corset strap on harness with words Picking a strap on harness written over it

Picking a Strapon Harness

Picking the right strapon harness might be a little bit confusing at the beginning. There are so many styles and variations to choose from that it feels like you want to pick them all just to see how they look on you. Been there done that! You’re not alone.

So let us help you to get to know the styles of the strapon harnesses so that you might get a better idea of which one would suit you.

Overall there are three styles of Strapons. So lets start from the most popular:

1.Joque Style Harness

This strapon is great to start with but at the same time it is very confusing to put it on. So you might look at the images on the box explaining how to put this strapon on or watch YouTube videos. Joque Style Harness has a strap around your waist so its secure, also two separate straps around your tights. The straps are long enough for almost every person so there’s no worry about the size. The beautiful thing about that is you can always cut the rest which you don’t need. My favorite from this style is from Sportsheet Red Lace Corsette Strapon. So sexy!

The best thing about Joque style harness for me is crotchless feature. My personal tips:

  • while penetrating your partner with a strapon dildo stop for a moment and let him please you for a bit with their tongue.
  • change the position to sixty nine and please each other together. Let your partner to lick you and vice versa. It really spice things up and gives that little twist in the whole play.
  • use a vibrator or dildo to please yourself and let your partner watch you.
  • wear a strapless dildo to penetrate both of you. The strapon harness holds a dildo nicely.

You can really play around and use your imagination with different positions when using Joques style Harness. It also feels so damn sexy and gives you confidence when it’s on.

2. Thong style Harness

It reminds me of the thong underwear. This harness is not for everyone, you might find it difficult if don’t like the feel of a string in your bum. The strap between your legs might rub the lady parts which might give you a pleasure but it could also be irritating during the sexy time. So it really comes down to personal choice. My advice: just try it and everything will be clear.

 3. Panty Style Harness

There are so comfortable!!! This would be my second choice from all of the styles. There are like pants that you wear for a trip and forget that it’s a strapon. They come in a three types ,panties, boxers and crotchless. With this style you’ll have to measure your thighs and waist to get the right size. The only down thing about this style is that the O-Ring doesn’t change, but don’t worry there are some stabilizers inserts to make it a bit easier like the one from Rodeoh, but do your research first. The panty style harnesses are really very simple.

Now let’s talk about the features you may find on some of the harnesses we’ve spoke about.

Materials:

Strapon Harnesses are made from different materials like leather, nylon, cotton, spandex, latex, pvc or polyester. It really is about your personal preference but remember the more expensive the material such as leather the more money you’ll have to pay.

Vibrators:

Some of the strapons come with a little bullet pockets so you can slide your bullet vibrator in which will give you that extra pleasure on your clit during pegging. We always use Rocks Off RO80 simply because they are so powerfull and fit perfectly in the little pocket.

Removable O-Rings

O-rings are very important if you want to take your pegging play to the next level and try different bigger sizes of the dildo. The O-Rings can be easily changed with the pop studs. Usually there are three sizes 1.5, 1.75 and 2.0inch.

For a look at the three different styles check out out video below.

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