How do you go about choosing 7 inspirational women out of all the incredible, talented, hard-working, passionate women in the world? It’s an almost impossible task, especially for someone like me who is lucky enough to have a timeline that is constantly bursting with the achievements, plans, campaigns and ideas of incredible women.
What I did, honestly, was just list off the top of my head people who were most recently in my mind, whose work had made me laugh or cry or learn or want to storm Parliament and dismantle it brick by brick. Some of them you may know already, others you may not, and one in particular might have you asking ‘what the hell is this person doing on a sex-focused website?’ The answer is simply that I love her, and love her work. So what follows is neither a focused nor complete list, it’s just a collection of women who have inspired or educated me over the last year, who I am grateful to for their incredible work.
I invite you to follow them all, then take this list and add to it – with a comment, or a share on Twitter or Facebook, naming a few of the women who have inspired you in the last year.
You will probably know her best as ‘Boo’ from Orange is the New Black, but Lea DeLaria has been doing incredible stuff for a long time. She began her career as a stand-up comedian (a career she describes as the ‘last bastion of the straight white male’), and is credited with being the first openly gay comic on a US talk show back in 1993.
Naturally, I think she’s a brilliant actress, but what made me want to include her on this list was her incredible interview with Krishnan Guru-Murthy for his ‘Ways to change the world’ podcast. Please go and listen to it when you get the chance, it’s a treat you’ll be glad you gave yourself. She is fiercely compassionate, intensely funny and powerfully angry at the state of the world, but what I admire the most is how she manages to stay angry enough to fight against injustice while remaining hopeful and positive enough to maintain the motivation to keep going.
Paris Lees – @ParisLees
Paris is an incredible writer and activist. The last two years have seen what appears to me to be a huge upswing in the amount of public attacks on trans people in the UK media, so it’s important to highlight those, like Paris, who are tackling this problem every day. In writing and media appearances, Paris explains with powerful arguments and personal stories why it is so important that we stand up for trans rights.
That alone is enough to make her one of the women I admire, but on top of that I also love her because it was a BBC investigation of hers, in 2016, that alerted me to the fact that not many content producers were creating porn for visually impaired people. That inspired me to start making audio porn of my own, which has made my own blog better for people with visual impairments, but also just brought me a hell of a lot of joy.
Dr Eleanor Janega – @GoingMedieval
If you thought you’d left history behind when you left school, allow me to introduce you to the weird and wonderful world of what I’m going to loosely term ‘Medieval Dick History.’ The specialist subject of historian Dr Eleanor Janega, whose blog ‘Going Medieval’ covers everything from the medieval concept of chivalry (and why it’s absolutely appalling) to the history behind anti-masturbation movements and No Nut November.
It’s not just the history, though: it’s the way she manages to highlight the exact relevance of all this to the weird and sometimes fucked-up present we find ourselves living in, like exploring past approaches to sex work, including legalisation, and comparing them with the modern-day sex work ‘rescue industry.’ Her work is often intense, touching on subjects that are complex and important, but she writes everything with the excitement of someone who can’t wait to invite you in to her world and share her knowledge with you. She’ll be speaking at Eroticon in March and I am incredibly excited.
Juno Mac and Molly Smith – @fornicatrix and @pastachips
I’m including both Juno and Molly in here because I’ve followed both of them on Twitter for a while, and their campaigning on sex work decriminalisation made me want to seek out a lot more info. If you’d asked me ten years ago I’d have said I was all in favour of sex work ‘legalisation’, without really understanding what that meant.
Now, I’m halfway through the incredible book they co-wrote – Revolting Prostitutes – and feeling like I am much closer to grasping the important threads in the debate about sex work, and why decriminalisation – not legalisation – is so important. You should definitely check out the book, or if you’d like an intro to the topic it’s well worth watching Juno’s TED talk, which is my go-to resource to send people who want to understand the crux of the issue.
Esther Perel – @EstherPerel
My secret shame is that I initially started listening to Esther Perel’s ‘Where shall we begin?’ podcast out of little more than prurience and despair. The podcast takes conversations with couples who want to discuss a relationship or sexual issue, and lets you listen in on how Esther guides them on a journey to better understanding each other. I began listening because I wanted to hear about other people’s relationship problems, at a time when I was experiencing some of my own, and a small mean part of me wanted to hear that other people suffered with similar issues. Another part of me was just curious about the more sexual issues that people brought to the table.
But after a couple of episodes I realised I could see myself somewhere in all of these stories, and learn more about myself and how to better conduct my own relationships. I’d thoroughly recommend it for anyone, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Perel’s style is to encourage people to work through to the root of their fears and worries, and I think the journeys she takes people on are a great way to learn to practice compassion and empathy.
Dr Jen Gunter – @DrJenGunter
Ever heard of a ‘yoni egg’? They’re one of the many banes of Dr Jen Gunter’s life, after Gwyneth Paltrow’s pseudoscience ‘lifestyle’ website started promoting jade eggs as something you might enjoy putting in your vagina. Spoiler: you should not put these in your vagina. Jade is porous and you could be inviting in some real problems with bacterial infections. Stick to body-safe sex toys like the lovely silicone sex toys you can find on this very site.
It’s not just jade eggs that Dr Gunter tackles, though: her blog is a treasure-trove of info, where she regularly counters dangerous advice (coffee enemas! Vaginal steaming! Some sort of vaginal teabags!) with expert advice garnered through her many years working as an Ob-Gyn. As well as offering advice on gynaecological health, she also fights for abortion rights. I am still shocked we have to do this in the year 2019, but shock notwithstanding, I’m very glad she’s fighting in our corner.
Gina Miller – @thatginamiller
An incredible, courageous, hard-working and dedicated woman, Gina Miller is the living embodiment of the phrase ‘not all heroes wear capes.’ Since the UK voted to leave the EU by a tiny margin, after an appallingly divisive referendum campaign characterised by lies and illegality, Gina Miller stood up to challenge the government in court. It was her hard work and campaigning that ensured the UK Government could not trigger Article 50 without first bringing the matter to Parliament.
We’re still on course to leave the EU, and potentially in the most disastrous way possible, but Gina Miller has been fighting this every step of the way, despite been let down by politicians who bow to populism, and harassed by misogynists and racists who screech abuse at her from behind anonymous Twitter profiles. She is a hero, and International Women’s Day feels like as good an excuse as any to say thank you to her for her skill, patience and determination. She is top of my list today, and every day, and probably always will be.
As I said at the start, this isn’t an exhaustive list. The main problem with naming awesome women is that no doubt as soon as this article goes live, I’ll think of someone else I should have added who I’ll kick myself for forgetting. But I can live with that, I think, because International Women’s Day shouldn’t be a one-off event where we say ‘thanks’ to some great women then drop the subject as soon as midnight strikes tonight. Instead I hope this is a prompt for you – and me – to celebrate women’s achievements more all year round, and remember to say ‘thank you’ to those who entertain, educate and inspire us.
Hello and welcome to another edition of Behind the Scenes, where you can have a sneak peek of what has been popular in the Godemiche workshop during February.
So February was named the Month Of Love to celebrate Valentine’s Day but not only for one day but for the whole month. We don’t need excuses to make love, right?!:) We’ve decided to create a beautiful collection of Pastel Be My Valentine which was a big success, as well as UV version of that collection. We have put UV butt plugs under the black light and it looks amazing. Just have a look.
- Adam 8in Peach Puff Be My Valentine
- Plug-B small in Orange UV and Green UV under the UV light. They look spectacular!
I have to say February was pretty busy. Other than standard requests from our lovely customers we’ve made a pretty big order for RodeoH and one of the things they wanted to stock were Colourflage Adams. We’re very happy that the American audience will have a chance to get this collection together with their comfortable strapons. We’ve actually stock some of RodeoH’s designs, you should check them out HERE.
We’ve heard from loads of people that when it is time to choose the colour of the Godemiche dildo it can be a struggle. We can make easily over 2000 colour combinations and it doesn’t stop there. So when this order came for Ambit in Coffee and Rose Gold we had mixed feelings about it, but I’ll leave you to decide what you think.
- Box of Adam 8in in Blue Colourflage
- Ambit Coffee and Rose Gold
Lets move on to another ‘not so usual’ order.
Now, here I should paste a picture of our faces looking at each other with a confusion and mixed feelings because we’ve never made OffBeat masturbator in Cappuccino colour. However I think I quiet like it 😉
The Adam in Green Pearlescent was a customised shade of green with a touch of black.
- OffBeat in Cappuccino
- Adam 8in Dark Green Pearlescent – custom request
… and last but not least beautiful Confused Rainbow and Blue UV Apex. As you can see we had a lot of fun in the photography studio with them. If you have a UV sex party you know what to take…;)
- Adam 6in Confused Rainbow
- Apex Large Blue UV under the black light.
That’s all for now and I’ll see you by the end of the March with some new interesting dildos.
Did you like any of the images you’ve seen in this blog? Let me know by leaving a comment below.
See you next month!
Who Am I?
An excellent question to ask on the first ‘normal’ Monday morning after the Christmas/New Year holiday! I am SilverdomUK, a 58 year old pansexual CIS white male. I am also physically disabled. I mention that because it is relevant to this review. I am husband and SadoDom to SilverdropUK, a 46 year old CIS white female.
I should say right off, with some reservations, that I like it. The packaging is refreshingly original and amusing. The stroker itself just looks ‘right’. The silicone doesn’t feel at all tacky, and seems strong. There is almost no smell from the material.
Now for the Fun Part – Eventually
I’ve used this sleeve four times at the time of writing – twice successfully. The first two times were solo sessions and, despite plenty of lube, I couldn’t get the sleeve over my penis. This was frustrating, but I thought it might be due to my arthritic hands struggling. My wife helped me during the next two sessions, and we were able use it as intended. I should quickly say that it brought me to orgasm both times, so it’s doing something right! The design makes it comfortable to hold – either by the penis owner or any helper.
While I do not pretend to be hung like a porn star, I do have a particularly thick penis. This seems to be where our struggles to use the sleeve stem from. It felt borderline uncomfortably tight, and I was careful to ensure the inner knobs didn’t touch the exposed head of my penis – I’m uncut – as that was too much sensation.
This sleeve is easy to clean because it is easy for someone with non-arthritic hands to turn it inside out for washing. Top marks there.
The OffBeat Grande sleeve brought me easily to orgasm, but only when I used it with a partner. Other users with a thicker penis might find it problematic – as I did. As a disabled user of this sex toy – and disabled people DO HAVE SEX – I can only give it 2.5/5. If I were able bodied I would give it 3.5/5 as it not being stretchy enough to accommodate a thicker penis is an issue.
Our new product is cumming and so should you
With our latest product soon to be launched on January 1st (and an extra special discount waiting for you on Christmas day), we felt it was time to stop with all the Britishness and make masturbation less of a taboo subject. We want to start that conversation, encourage safe, healthy, exciting sex, and break down the stigma attached to sexual intimacy.
It seems that it’s not as widely accepted to talk about penis stimulators as it is to talk about dildos and vibrators. Sex and masturbation should be celebrated regardless of your gender. So in January we are hoping to start better conversations about masturbation.
The OffBeat is a affordable, handmade, personalised masturbator that comes in Venti (for long slow shaft movements), and Grande (for circular motions around the head). It’s soft, squishy and oh so accommodating. And, it satisfies anyone going down on a dick too – it’s a different experience for the giver and new sensation for the receiver! Ergonomically designed to make it easy to grip, and to use, made of super soft silicone with lots of soft nubs for an amazing feeling, be sure to use lots of water based lube and ready yourself for a completely new feeling. Once you have finished with the OffBeat you simply turn it inside out and give a quick rinse and it is ready to go for the next time you are in the mood for a bit of play.
We hope that having an Offbeat will get you talking (when your mouth is not full) about the subject of masturbation in a more open manner
And since Godemiche is all about colour, select one to suit your sexual personality.
8 – UV: blue, magenta, orange, pink, purple, red, yellow, green.
12 – Pearlescent: pearl, black, blue, boltgun, bronze, copper, gold, green, purple, scarlet, yellow.
6 – Standard: black, clear, dark green, navy blue, red yellow.
Couples can finish off a date night in a new way with Offbeat, have a posh wank… together, and treat themselves to more than just porn. But most importantly, it’s all just for you. With Offbeat you can enjoy yourself to the fullest, even when there’s no one else around to give you a hand.
We want Offbeat to resonate with you, we want you to have a giggle, and we want you to speak openly with others about something that shouldn’t be hidden away on the top shelf of a wardrobe.
Did we mention that we want to start things off right? So we are launching the OffBeat with a 50% off discount on our official Pre-order launch date on Christmas day.
Give someone the gift of straightforward sex talk this year – start that conversation!
Remember, no matter what you do, always go offbeat.
Pre-order the OffBeat that suits you best!
I thrive on a lot of attention. Thankfully my man understands and delivers. Here is one of the many times I was hoping for a good fuck and got one.
We were on holiday without my date night clothes or make-up – just a red lipstick. All of our ropes, whips and sex toys were at home. Except for a green butt plug I always keep in my toiletry bag.
We did have one other thing on our side: imagination.
Knowing my place
Just when you think your sex life can’t get much better, it does, and you are left reeling at your good fortune in finding someone so in touch with everything you do…
Lipstick applied, I glance in the mirror. My skin has a sun-kissed, healthy glow so I choose white lacy knickers, matching bra and white shirt to complement my tan and head out to the kitchen. Smiling appreciatively at the sight of me, he serves dinner accompanied by a bottle of local sparkling wine. Delicious.
Afterwards, while chatting, he stares intently at me with his dark brown eyes. My heart immediately begins to race. Removing a rope fixture from the curtains he secures it around my neck with a cable tie (never travels anywhere without them). It feels tight now it’s in place and my breathing quickens in anticipation, but I know I can cope.
Leading me over to the sofa, he removes my shirt and pushes me to kneel. There’s a large wall-mirror hanging in front of us. Standing behind me he lowers the cups of my bra so the wire pushes my boobs higher. The effect is stimulating to us both. Then, as he pulls back on the rope around my neck, my tits are thrust even further forward. Before I have time to take in the sexy reflection, my knickers are yanked down and legs splayed apart. Fingers find my warm moist spot and intrude.
“Fucking slut, you’re as wet as can be,” growling in my ear.
He lifts his hand and firmly spanks my arse. Then his belt lands with repeated cracks on my bum and back. I scream, lowering my head into the rear of the sofa in pain. But I want more and inhale deeply as his cock enters me. I’m pummelled forward into the sofa cushions as he fucks me hard and fast for his own enjoyment.
Yanking me back by my hair he forces me onto my knees. His cock rests at the entrance to my mouth and I lick the tip. Our eyes lock and he taps the right side of my face with the palm of his hand. I know from experience this means he wants me to carry on, slowly and gently.
“Good bitch,” he sneers.
Taking it up a gear he secures my mouth firmly on his dick and vigorously propels forward. I begin to gag and splutter, he responds by smearing my cheeks with his saliva smothered cock.
I push my face into his stomach in an attempt to regain composure but am reminded of my place and ordered into the doggy position on the carpet. He’s behind me now, tongue between my legs, licking my clitoris and caressing the entrance to my cunt. Then he steers it into my anus. I moan out loud. This always gives me a small shock of pleasure because of its taboo nature.
He asks where I want him to put his cock next. The fucking was so good earlier I reply,
Grabbing the butt plug he slowly and deliberately presses it in my arse. Then pulling on to the tie around my neck, he enters my pussy, swiftly. My juices are flowing as he pushes in deep. Experiencing that bittersweet sensation when a man thrusts forward a little too far, I cry out, but he just shafts me more, spanking my arse cheek with each thrust.
“Fucked in both holes, you dirty whore,” he goads.
The feeling of fullness from wearing a butt plug increases the intensity of the fucking and I teeter on the verge of a climax. But adrenaline is pumping through my veins. At times like this sometimes it’s impossible to find a release.
He falls back on to the sofa and pulls me to him, pushing my head onto his cock. I massage it with my lips and tongue, as he sits back into the sofa cushions and relaxes. Very calmly he spurts into my mouth and down my chin, exhaling slowing.
Pulling me up to face him he kisses me passionately and tells me how much he loves me.
“Thank you for letting me have control of your incredible body.”
I rest my head on his chest and close my eyes knowing I am just where I need to be.
Anal douching/enema’s are something we talk about often but as a general rule we find no one knows what they are. So we have put together our beginners guide to anal douching/enema.
However if you prefer watching to reading then jump straight to the bottom of this post and watch our video on the subject
What does an anal douche/enema look like?
An anal douche has a bulbous base, the bulbous base is hollow and can be made of plastics, silicone or rubber. The bulbous base is hollow and holds a small amount of water. At the top of the bulbous base is a nozzle, water is squeezed from the base up through the nozzle and into your butt.
The body passes poo out the bum hole and douching is a way of cleaning your butt for anal sex. If your anxious about getting shit all over your dick then douching can help alleviate that concern. It’s also much cleaner for general penetration and also other things such as anal rimming.
Douching on a daily basis is not recommended as it can affect the intestinal microflora, disturbing the balance of your bowel. A simple and easy way for a cleaner dowel is a high-fibre healthier diet and less greasy foods will stiffen up your poo and greatly reduce the need to douche.
How to use a douche
Buy yourself an anal douche. We DO NOT recommend sharing anal douche even if it’s completely cleaned. Having your own anal douche reduces the chance of spreading intestinal parasites or certain STIs.
Fill the bulbous base with lukewarm water. Then carefully insert the nozzle in to your butt and squeeze in the water no need to squeeze in all the water. Pro tip, lube up the tip so it goes in nice and smoothly. Also make sure the water is lukewarm, cold water will give you cramps, hot water can scold your insides. With the water inside you, hold it there in your butt for a couple of seconds, standing up is easier to hold on the water inside. After a couple of seconds sit down on the toilet and release all the water. You need to get up and look at the water, if the toilet water is not clear then you need to repeat the douching process again, fill up the douche, stick it in, squeeze, release, check. You want to repeat this steps until the waters clear. If you have done this 6 time and the water is not clear then we recommend you accept today’s not a butt day and stop.
Take a couple of moments to make sure all the waters out. A common mistake is that they people don’t get all the water out and that water makes an appearance when your having anal sex. It’s not pleasant and avoidable so just take a couple of seconds to make sure it’s all gone.
Once the water runs clear then it’s time for a shower because you can’t be too clean when it comes to butt play. Wash your butt, don’t put soap in side your butt.
So that was our simple steps to anal douching. We hope it helps and if you have any questions please get in contact.
Douching really is as simple as it sounds you just have to take your time.
I am a flower
Blossoming under the sun
Swaying with breeze of life
Waiting in the rain
For a glimpse of sunlight
Catching morning few amidst
sleeping in nutrients to fulfil my knowledge
Growing stronger each day
I stand still
As I watch myself blossom
PS. This picture was taken in an early Sunday morning when we still had a nice sunny days in UK.
I am missing the warm brushes of the sun so much and I thought I will bring some memories for the time being of the cold weather outside.
I was on my own walking on the wet grass to set the camera and the opposite of the trees there are actually some houses.
I haven’t seen anybody but if so I think they had a great entertainment that Sunday at 6am;)
Check other entries for Sinful Sunday by kissing the lips
As part of our Sexual Health Week series, we are interviewing a number of people who are involved in the adult industry. Today we are chatting to Jasmine from Jet Setting Jasmine LLC. She is a life and work partner to King Noir, due to a very busy work schedule we couldn’t reach King Noir so Jasmine kindly decided to represent both of them.
1. Introduce yourself to those people who don’t know you.
Jasmine is a proud owner of Jet Setting Jasmine LLC, Royal Fetish Films and Body Altitudes Health and Fitness: Home of Steel and Stilettos Fitness™. She is a Licensed Clinical Therapist with a Bachelors of Art in Sociology, Masters of Clinical Social Work and Aging Studies. Her background in Integrated Human Studies has allowed an extensive professional career working with adult clients from a Solutions-Focused/ Exposure Therapy model. Steel and Stilettos Fitness™ , is a lower body workout and empowerment format to the world, the workout that lasts long after it is over. Jasmine’s unconventional approach to intimacy issues has allowed a clients to explore and address deeply rooted intimacy barriers.
King Noire, owner of Jet Setting Jasmine LLC, Royal Fetish Films and Body Altitudes Health and Fitness: Home of Steel and Stilettos Fitness™. There are many adult entertainers but only one who is as driven and passionate about pleasure as King. He began his career as a nude model for magazines and adult websites. King’s clients did not take long to introduce him to the BDSM community. The attractions to his dominate nature lead to request in their serving as his submissives and cuckolds. He enjoyed and learned a great deal during the years of live shows and fetish training. King is also an international recording artist & human rights activist (Hasan Salaam).
Jasmine and King are a two-time recipient of the FetCon 2016 Best Full Feature Length Film: Orally Yours & Collared in the Shadows.
2. How did you both meet?
We met on Jasmine’s radio show at the time, The Emotion Picture. She was doing an interview on behind the scenes of porn and King was a guest. After the show, we exchanged communication about the type of work we were doing and saw a good opportunity to work together. That was 6 years ago and we’ve been at it since!
3. What is it like to be in a relationship while doing porn with other people/your clients?
It’s like every other relationship –communication and honesty solve most anything! We discuss our shoots with one another to make sure it’s a good fit for our brand and our relationship.
4. How long have you been in porn?
King has been in the adult industry since he was 18. I’ve been in the industry for 2 years but in adult entertainment off/on since 1998.
5. Do you have any rules in your relationship to keep you both happy?
Don’t bring in any mess, keep us safe and communicate—even when it hurts to do so.
6. Do you have a preparation routine before a shoot?
Testing Testing Testing! That is always first. Then grooming, we have to make sure everything is waxed/shaved and in the right places!
7. National Health Week has said ‘Porn is made to look good not to feel good’, what’s your thought about it?
There is some truth in that. When we shoot with other companies it is usually about what looks good for the camera. However with Royal Fetish Films we focus on the exact opposite, we want our scenes that feel good and in turn, people that are watching will feel the passion, chemistry and in turn –feel good also.
8. What was the best porn shoot you’ve been part of?
The best shoot for me has been Orally Yours. I really enjoyed King and all of the movement through space. We just enjoyed having sex and the woman that shot it captured the things I love about watching sex –the reactions, the whole body moving and then the close ups.
9. Are there any differences between black and white porn?
There is a difference in how it is portrayed and what roles are available to black vs. white actors/actresses. When the scenes are not scripted or marketed for passion, romance or relatability to the people watching them –that makes a huge difference. Black people experience love and a range of sexual fantasies and activities; these should be better represented.
10. What’s been a low point while on your journey to porn?
The low point has been realizing the level of racism in porn as well as some unsafe work practices of companies, talent agencies, and producers.
11. How do you manage parent life and professional life
We parent and manage as one would with any other profession. We do not schedule work that will interfere with important family events. We have great support from our friends and family when we travel. The kids are very much aware of the work we do and how to manage any negative attention.
12. What are your goals after your porn career?
We are living our goals concurrent to our porn career. We direct, film and edit too so there is so much we can continue to do in porn outside of acting. Both King and I have professional careers. He is an international recording artist, music & history lecturer and human rights activist. I am a clinical therapist and have dedicated my professional career to education and training of health care providers on intimacy and illness/injury and caregiving. We own and operate a health and fitness studio in Palm Harbor, Florida. So if there is an after porn career, we may just continue to expand our other areas of interest or new ones!
13. How different is Porn Sex from Real Sex?
For me—I usually don’t put on makeup or have lots of complimentary lights on for real sex! I also usually know the person I am sleeping with for more than an hour in the green room –usually! Lol, but when I am shooting for my own company –it is real sex and very exciting because of the exhibitionism that is involved. We are kinksters so having someone watch or tape us is pretty much real sex for us on a good day!
Strapon sex and pegging doesn’t have to the same old bend over boyfriend. Because of where the prostate sits in relation to the anus, different positions can give him a whole new experience. Likewise, incorporating sex toys into your strapon sex can be just whats needed to spice things up.
Also for an apprehensive partner, bending over can bring up intimidating images of ‘jail house bend over and take it’ scenarios. In this case using different positions is often the key to helping your lover open up to the pleasures that anal sex can hold for him.
Also, like typical PIV sex, different positions during strap-on sex provide different sensations and opportunities to take your strap-on sex to new levels of enjoyment.
Missionary is one of the easiest positions for strap-on sex. In this position, she can sit or kneel comfortably in-between his legs and not having to worry about keeping balance. Also, it’s easy to see his anus and guide the phallus in without having to awkwardly fumble around. With him on his back, there’s full access to his penis and balls and he has full access to her breasts. With a bit of imagination, this position can be incorporated in a variety of ways. Such as, a pillow can be positioned to lift his bottom up for easier access or he can even be on the edge of the bed with her standing-between his legs.
Cowboy is a fun position that allows him to be in the driver’s seat. With the female partner laying on her back and him straddling her body, he’s in full control of the angle, depth, and pace of penetration. This is ideal for those women who are a bit nervous about taking control. It can also be adapted to reverse cowboy to give him a different sensation.
Like a missionary, he’s fully exposed for extra stimulation and with eye to eye there’s connection and ease of communication between you both.
The lap dance is another great position that allows him to be in full control of the fun. With the woman sitting in a chair, he straddles her lap either facing her or turned around backwards. In this position, she can easily reach his penis for extra stimulation.
Tailgate is a good position for those who enjoy rear entry. With him lying face down and her lying on top of him, this position allows you have skin to skin contact. She’s in complete control of the penetration and can feel extra stimulation herself by grinding her clit against the dildo’s base.
Spooning is another fun position for the skin to skin contact. However, unlike Tailgate, in this position, his penis is exposed for extra stimulation. Spooning works well for couples of different body sizes and heights. When enjoying strap on sex in this position, penetration is shallow and a longer dildo might be needed to reach the P-spot.
Doggie style is probably the most common position used for strap on sex. Perfect for ladies who are new to pegging, this position allows her to easily penetrate and maneuver. It allows her to clearly see his anus, find her center of gravity and get used to the rhythm of thrusting. Also, it’s easy for him to stimulate his penis in this position. Doggie style is also great for those who desire to explore dom/sub role-playing, his bottom is up and ready to be spanked while you play.
In any position where his manhood is exposed, a sex toy can be add. Toys such as a Fleshlight can give him a whole new experience. Not only is he able to feel stimulation both anally and on his penis, it’s a fun way to fulfill a threesome fantasy without actually bringing in another partner. The Fleshlight can be held by either partner or in-between cushions to hold it in place.
Another fun toy to use during strap on sex is a wand; preferably cordless. With a wand massager placed on the dildo, the vibrations can be felt throughout the dildo to stimulate his prostrate and her vulva at the same time. A wand massager can also be held against his perineum or the penis’ head for more intense sensations. Although wands are fun to use in this fashion, any vibrator can be used.
You can take your strap on play to a whole new level by exploring dom/sub roles. Positions such as Doggie Style gives full access to his turned up bottom for a spanking. Using paddles, floggers or even a short crop can be just what your new sub needs to be a good boy.
These by no means are the only ways to enjoy pegging, virtually any position will work well. Use your imagination and be creative. Because of where the prostate is in relation to the anus, each position will feel different for him and open up new possibilities for extra stimulation.
There’s no right or wrong way to play. No matter what position you choose, remember, have fun and explore.
This blog post was written by Lori originally for ThatPosition (site offline).
When I first indulged in strap on sex with my partner, the intimacy and intensity of that experience were more than enough to have us hooked, but like any sexual activity, familiarity and repetition can dull that flame of lust. Not one to ever settle for less and being a firm believer that variety really is the spice of life, I set about finding new ways to add something extra to our pegging sessions and ultimately find new ways to elevate our arousal to whole new levels. Let’s take a look at some of the ways you can spice up your strap-on sex sessions.
Tips for the person wearing the strap-on:
The assumption is that if you are wearing the strap-on, you will receive very little physical stimulation when pegging your partner and in theory, this does make sense. After all, you are essentially buckling your crotch into a harness and maneuvering your body into various positions that don’t make it easy to reach your own genitals, let alone pleasure them. However, the beauty of strap-on sex is being able to penetrate your partner while at the same time having both hands free to provide further stimulation, connection, and warmth, so with a little imagination and some tweaks here and there, you can make a huge difference to your experience during a pegging session.
Let’s begin with the strap-on harness.
There are many different designs on the market and many manufacturers have given some thought to the pleasure of the wearer. You can find open crotch harnesses (jock strap harnesses, for example) that allow direct, unobstructed access to the genitals and even lingerie style harnesses like the Spare Parts Sasha, which come with pockets built in the gusset area. These pockets can hold small clitoral sex toys, like bullet vibrators. Look out for these options when purchasing your strap-on harness.
Of course, harnesses lacking the above options can still be experimented with. An example would be using the strapping material from harnesses that do cover the genitals (like the thong style, or lingerie style harness), to hold a sex toy in place. Depending on the strength and hold of the material, you could successfully use some harnesses to hold a flat based dildo, or a butt plug inside you and even hold a clitoral vibrator against your body. You might think that harnesses with an open crotch design would not allow for this kind of play but you can still create a similar effect by wearing a pair of tight fitting underwear beneath the harness itself. Experimentation is key.
Your position is also important.
There are certain positions that will make it much harder to access your genitals. An example of this would be him on top. Unless you have exceptionally long arms, you will find that his torso and thighs simply get in the way and your own legs tend to be squeezed together by his thighs anyway. Spoons position will allow you to reach down between your legs, but this position requires you to raise your leg to gain access and that can become tiring very quickly. In my experience, the most successful positions for self-pleasure is doggy style and my personal favorite; them on their back with a pillow under their butt, while I kneel between their legs. This position allows you to reach down between your own legs or alternatively, reach out to stimulate their genitals, while still maintaining eye contact.
Add something extra
Despite finding the perfect strap-on and discovering positions that allow for easier access, it can still be difficult to successfully pleasure yourself. If you are anything like me, you might find it difficult to maintain a rhythmic thrusting motion while trying to stroke yourself at the same time. This is where sex toys come in and one of the easiest and most enjoyable ways to stimulate your own genitals during strap-on sex is through the use of couple’s sex toys, like the We-Vibe 4 and the Lelo Tiani. These C-shaped vibrators are designed to provide a dual stimulation, as one section is inserted into the vagina and the other curves over your vulva, providing a direct and constant stimulation to your clitoris.
A variation of the couple’s vibrator and another sex toy I get a lot of pleasure from during strap-on play is the remote controlled love egg. (The Lelo Lyla is a classic example.) These oval shaped vibrators can be inserted into your vagina before you attach your strap-on harness and they will provide vibrations and stimulation to your g-spot as you thrust, move and even squeeze around them. Love eggs can also be used to stimulate your clitoris, in a similar way to bullet vibrators and thanks to their petite size, you will often find that they fit nicely into those pockets found on certain harnesses. If your harness does not contain pockets, simply use the strapping on your harness, or wear a pair of tight fitting underwear beneath, to hold the sex toy in position.
As you can probably imagine, being able to control your love egg (or any other sex toy) remotely is a huge advantage during strap-on sex, because once the harness is attached, it becomes a lot more difficult to make pattern changes manually. Having a small controller to click is so much easier and I am sure I don’t need to tell you just how exciting it can be to pass that remote to your partner and allow them to control your pleasure as you indulge them in theirs.
Spicing it up for the receiver:
We have proved it possible that the person wearing the harness can receive pleasure and spice up their strap-on experience, but what about the person on the receiving end? It might be said that the receiver is already enjoying themselves, but there are still a number of things you can do to add new sensations to the session for them.
Pick the right dildo
The most obvious thing to consider is the strap-on dildo. These dildos come in a wide range of sizes, shapes, and materials and choosing the right size is important for comfort and ease of use, but beyond this, you should also think about texture and the firmness of the material. Highly textured, firm materials will feel quite intense and imposing, whereas softer materials will conform to the body more, feel gentle and provide a more ‘realistic’ experience. You want to consider the psychological elements at play too. If you or your partner fantasize about being penetrated by a real penis, it would heighten the experience to purchase a dildo that looked realistic, or one designed to ejaculate. Heighten the fantasy and you will heighten the experience for you both.
Alternative options for temperature play include placing your dildo in the fridge, or into a basin of icy cold water for five minutes before use (Do not put the dildo in the freezer. Cold burns are painful) If your partner prefers a warmer experience, simply place the dildo into some hot (not boiling) water before play.
Lube is a must
Now, we all know that lubricant is a must for anal sex, but most of us will not consider how our choice in the lubricant can alter the experience. Silicone or oil based lubricants are among the best for anal sex because they do not dry up quickly and they provide a silky soft buffer that reduces friction. Silicone and water-based lubricants work best for vaginal penetration. For a completely unique sensation though, you should invest in some specialty lubricants that produce cooling, warming or tingling sensations on the skin. Always do a small patch test first, to ensure the sensation is enjoyable and then simply apply a few drops to the dildo, vagina or anus before you begin to penetrate.
Get things buzzing
If you are looking for a way to really ramp up the intensity that he or she feels against their prostate or g-spot, I recommend purchasing a vibrating dildo to use in your strap-on harness. The most common options for strap-on play include remote-controlled vibrating dongs, dildos with a hole in the base, into which you can insert a bullet vibrator and even strapless strap-ons (The latter are also great for providing internal stimulation for both partners at the same time), but if you already have a favourite strap-on dildo and want to experiment with vibration, you could always invest in a vibrating cock ring and attach that to the base of the dildo. Ensure you choose a fairly chunky cock ring, like the Lelo Bo, if you intend on using this for anal sex. You want to avoid any potential risk of losing the ring inside the anus.
Adding a spark
For the daring among you, who fancy trying something completely unique, I recommend introducing electro stimulation to your strap-on sessions. Electro stimulation uses pads, rings, and probes to provide a tingling electrical current that feels somewhat similar to vibrations and these devices can produce a whole range of sensations, from a gentle tingle to an extremely intense buzz. Some devices, like the Electrostim Flick, allow two people to create a circuit between their bodies and you can both share the stimulation from this device. Using an electro stim device in this way turns every touch into a tingling pleasure.
The best advice I can give you though is to never be afraid to experiment, laugh, love and learn together. Go into each session with an open mind and an aim to discover what pleases you and your partner, both mentally and physically. This way, your strap-on sex sessions will not only be mutually fulfilling, but orgasmic for you both.
This blog post was originally written and published by Gritty Woman.