How do you go about choosing 7 inspirational women out of all the incredible, talented, hard-working, passionate women in the world? It’s an almost impossible task, especially for someone like me who is lucky enough to have a timeline that is constantly bursting with the achievements, plans, campaigns and ideas of incredible women.
What I did, honestly, was just list off the top of my head people who were most recently in my mind, whose work had made me laugh or cry or learn or want to storm Parliament and dismantle it brick by brick. Some of them you may know already, others you may not, and one in particular might have you asking ‘what the hell is this person doing on a sex-focused website?’ The answer is simply that I love her, and love her work. So what follows is neither a focused nor complete list, it’s just a collection of women who have inspired or educated me over the last year, who I am grateful to for their incredible work.
I invite you to follow them all, then take this list and add to it – with a comment, or a share on Twitter or Facebook, naming a few of the women who have inspired you in the last year.
You will probably know her best as ‘Boo’ from Orange is the New Black, but Lea DeLaria has been doing incredible stuff for a long time. She began her career as a stand-up comedian (a career she describes as the ‘last bastion of the straight white male’), and is credited with being the first openly gay comic on a US talk show back in 1993.
Naturally, I think she’s a brilliant actress, but what made me want to include her on this list was her incredible interview with Krishnan Guru-Murthy for his ‘Ways to change the world’ podcast. Please go and listen to it when you get the chance, it’s a treat you’ll be glad you gave yourself. She is fiercely compassionate, intensely funny and powerfully angry at the state of the world, but what I admire the most is how she manages to stay angry enough to fight against injustice while remaining hopeful and positive enough to maintain the motivation to keep going.
Paris Lees – @ParisLees
Paris is an incredible writer and activist. The last two years have seen what appears to me to be a huge upswing in the amount of public attacks on trans people in the UK media, so it’s important to highlight those, like Paris, who are tackling this problem every day. In writing and media appearances, Paris explains with powerful arguments and personal stories why it is so important that we stand up for trans rights.
That alone is enough to make her one of the women I admire, but on top of that I also love her because it was a BBC investigation of hers, in 2016, that alerted me to the fact that not many content producers were creating porn for visually impaired people. That inspired me to start making audio porn of my own, which has made my own blog better for people with visual impairments, but also just brought me a hell of a lot of joy.
Dr Eleanor Janega – @GoingMedieval
If you thought you’d left history behind when you left school, allow me to introduce you to the weird and wonderful world of what I’m going to loosely term ‘Medieval Dick History.’ The specialist subject of historian Dr Eleanor Janega, whose blog ‘Going Medieval’ covers everything from the medieval concept of chivalry (and why it’s absolutely appalling) to the history behind anti-masturbation movements and No Nut November.
It’s not just the history, though: it’s the way she manages to highlight the exact relevance of all this to the weird and sometimes fucked-up present we find ourselves living in, like exploring past approaches to sex work, including legalisation, and comparing them with the modern-day sex work ‘rescue industry.’ Her work is often intense, touching on subjects that are complex and important, but she writes everything with the excitement of someone who can’t wait to invite you in to her world and share her knowledge with you. She’ll be speaking at Eroticon in March and I am incredibly excited.
Juno Mac and Molly Smith – @fornicatrix and @pastachips
I’m including both Juno and Molly in here because I’ve followed both of them on Twitter for a while, and their campaigning on sex work decriminalisation made me want to seek out a lot more info. If you’d asked me ten years ago I’d have said I was all in favour of sex work ‘legalisation’, without really understanding what that meant.
Now, I’m halfway through the incredible book they co-wrote – Revolting Prostitutes – and feeling like I am much closer to grasping the important threads in the debate about sex work, and why decriminalisation – not legalisation – is so important. You should definitely check out the book, or if you’d like an intro to the topic it’s well worth watching Juno’s TED talk, which is my go-to resource to send people who want to understand the crux of the issue.
Esther Perel – @EstherPerel
My secret shame is that I initially started listening to Esther Perel’s ‘Where shall we begin?’ podcast out of little more than prurience and despair. The podcast takes conversations with couples who want to discuss a relationship or sexual issue, and lets you listen in on how Esther guides them on a journey to better understanding each other. I began listening because I wanted to hear about other people’s relationship problems, at a time when I was experiencing some of my own, and a small mean part of me wanted to hear that other people suffered with similar issues. Another part of me was just curious about the more sexual issues that people brought to the table.
But after a couple of episodes I realised I could see myself somewhere in all of these stories, and learn more about myself and how to better conduct my own relationships. I’d thoroughly recommend it for anyone, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Perel’s style is to encourage people to work through to the root of their fears and worries, and I think the journeys she takes people on are a great way to learn to practice compassion and empathy.
Dr Jen Gunter – @DrJenGunter
Ever heard of a ‘yoni egg’? They’re one of the many banes of Dr Jen Gunter’s life, after Gwyneth Paltrow’s pseudoscience ‘lifestyle’ website started promoting jade eggs as something you might enjoy putting in your vagina. Spoiler: you should not put these in your vagina. Jade is porous and you could be inviting in some real problems with bacterial infections. Stick to body-safe sex toys like the lovely silicone sex toys you can find on this very site.
It’s not just jade eggs that Dr Gunter tackles, though: her blog is a treasure-trove of info, where she regularly counters dangerous advice (coffee enemas! Vaginal steaming! Some sort of vaginal teabags!) with expert advice garnered through her many years working as an Ob-Gyn. As well as offering advice on gynaecological health, she also fights for abortion rights. I am still shocked we have to do this in the year 2019, but shock notwithstanding, I’m very glad she’s fighting in our corner.
Gina Miller – @thatginamiller
An incredible, courageous, hard-working and dedicated woman, Gina Miller is the living embodiment of the phrase ‘not all heroes wear capes.’ Since the UK voted to leave the EU by a tiny margin, after an appallingly divisive referendum campaign characterised by lies and illegality, Gina Miller stood up to challenge the government in court. It was her hard work and campaigning that ensured the UK Government could not trigger Article 50 without first bringing the matter to Parliament.
We’re still on course to leave the EU, and potentially in the most disastrous way possible, but Gina Miller has been fighting this every step of the way, despite been let down by politicians who bow to populism, and harassed by misogynists and racists who screech abuse at her from behind anonymous Twitter profiles. She is a hero, and International Women’s Day feels like as good an excuse as any to say thank you to her for her skill, patience and determination. She is top of my list today, and every day, and probably always will be.
As I said at the start, this isn’t an exhaustive list. The main problem with naming awesome women is that no doubt as soon as this article goes live, I’ll think of someone else I should have added who I’ll kick myself for forgetting. But I can live with that, I think, because International Women’s Day shouldn’t be a one-off event where we say ‘thanks’ to some great women then drop the subject as soon as midnight strikes tonight. Instead I hope this is a prompt for you – and me – to celebrate women’s achievements more all year round, and remember to say ‘thank you’ to those who entertain, educate and inspire us.
There’s one thing that we should celebrate more than Valentines Day. For some people this day is very important, but let’s be clear, what would we do without condoms?!
Yes, condoms are part of our sexual life and having an Interational Condom Day today is great excuse to talk a bit about condoms plus we’ve also got a challenge for you!
So let’s start with the basics, what is a condom?
- A condom comes in a foil packet.
- Condoms are thin pouches that keep sperm from getting into the vagina.
- A condom is worn on the penis.
- It is usually made of latex a type of rubber.
But some are made of materials that are safe for people with latex allergies , such as polyurethane or polyisoprene.
The condom is rolled over the penis and forms a protective barrier that helps to prevent the spread of sexual transmitted infections (STI) and is also one of the most reliable forums of contraception.
There’s a wonderful in-depth post on condoms, written by Molly Moore which you can read just HERE . We highly recommend you to check it out if your looking for more information on condoms. It’s been said that condoms are a passion killer (you obviously don’t have kids).
Some people said that the moment you need to put a condom on in the middle of a sex is killing the atmosphere. But there are many who will say that actually condoms can spice up the foreplay.
So here’s a challenge for you!
We want to test your skills in putting a condom on, but wait! that’s not all, cause it would be too easy.
We challenge you to put a condom on, BLINDFOLDED.
Simply grab a condom, something to cover your eyes and any dildo, vegetable or excited willing volunteer you can get your hands on.
Here are the rules:
The blindfold must be from start to finish (before you open the condom)
- The condom must be on properly and not broken.
- There is no time limits or times to beat but if your willing to record yourself and post it to social media, tag us in and use the #PutACondomOn and we will email you a 35% of discount code.
We had so much fun doing this video so we’re really really looking forward to see what videos you produce, might even have a blog showcasing them.
For now have fun and stay colourful.
Anal douching/enema’s are something we talk about often but as a general rule we find no one knows what they are. So we have put together our beginners guide to anal douching/enema.
However if you prefer watching to reading then jump straight to the bottom of this post and watch our video on the subject
What does an anal douche/enema look like?
An anal douche has a bulbous base, the bulbous base is hollow and can be made of plastics, silicone or rubber. The bulbous base is hollow and holds a small amount of water. At the top of the bulbous base is a nozzle, water is squeezed from the base up through the nozzle and into your butt.
The body passes poo out the bum hole and douching is a way of cleaning your butt for anal sex. If your anxious about getting shit all over your dick then douching can help alleviate that concern. It’s also much cleaner for general penetration and also other things such as anal rimming.
Douching on a daily basis is not recommended as it can affect the intestinal microflora, disturbing the balance of your bowel. A simple and easy way for a cleaner dowel is a high-fibre healthier diet and less greasy foods will stiffen up your poo and greatly reduce the need to douche.
How to use a douche
Buy yourself an anal douche. We DO NOT recommend sharing anal douche even if it’s completely cleaned. Having your own anal douche reduces the chance of spreading intestinal parasites or certain STIs.
Fill the bulbous base with lukewarm water. Then carefully insert the nozzle in to your butt and squeeze in the water no need to squeeze in all the water. Pro tip, lube up the tip so it goes in nice and smoothly. Also make sure the water is lukewarm, cold water will give you cramps, hot water can scold your insides. With the water inside you, hold it there in your butt for a couple of seconds, standing up is easier to hold on the water inside. After a couple of seconds sit down on the toilet and release all the water. You need to get up and look at the water, if the toilet water is not clear then you need to repeat the douching process again, fill up the douche, stick it in, squeeze, release, check. You want to repeat this steps until the waters clear. If you have done this 6 time and the water is not clear then we recommend you accept today’s not a butt day and stop.
Take a couple of moments to make sure all the waters out. A common mistake is that they people don’t get all the water out and that water makes an appearance when your having anal sex. It’s not pleasant and avoidable so just take a couple of seconds to make sure it’s all gone.
Once the water runs clear then it’s time for a shower because you can’t be too clean when it comes to butt play. Wash your butt, don’t put soap in side your butt.
So that was our simple steps to anal douching. We hope it helps and if you have any questions please get in contact.
Douching really is as simple as it sounds you just have to take your time.
Today’s topic is pegging positions.
Doggy, Missionary & Cowboy are the 3 main positions for pegging that we enjoy. Each of these positions can be adapted with slight variation in body position or different locations and furniture such as beds or chairs.
And if reading is not your thing than jump straight to the bottom and watch our video on this subject instead.
So let’s start with the one everyone will know, doggy style. The person being pegged is at the bottom on hands an knees and the pegger is the one behind them on their knees.
It’s a simple position that involves the pegger doing all the work.
This position is great for more focused prostate stimulation also and also the person doing the pegging a great of movement. If you are new to pegging though take it easy at first as it is a new sensation that the person being pegged will need time to get used to.
Top tip – if your using a curved dildo like our Ambit, then turn it round so the dildo points down and not up. Your prostate is between the bladder and the tummy, so when your on your hands and knees to get the most prostate stimulation make sure your toy curves down towards the prostate not away from it.
Another staple sex position of the bedroom but this time round he is on the bottom and she is on top. While laying on your back raise your legs towards your chest, your probably going to want to hold your legs.
As a pegger if your feeling especially dominant you can take hold of their legs and force them back. Taking control can add to the experience for both of you, remember this is a change of positions for you both, sometimes you want to be dominated and that feeling of just being fucked is hot.
This position is great if you love watching. Laying on your back you get to see everything, her face, her boobs, your cock. Talking about cocks, this position is the best for having unrestricted access to your cock and allows you to look into each others eyes as you share this experience together.
Top tip – have a pillow handy to place under your lower back. It will raise you up just a little making penetration easier and enhancing the feeling.
Yep you got it just like cow girl but he does the riding. It lets your have complete control over how quick, how deep and just exactly how much you want to stimulate the prostate.
Much more of a relaxed position for the pegger who lays on there back and enjoys the show. As a pegger this is also a good position for playing with their cock as you don’t have to concentrate on anything other than enjoying the show.
Top tip – this is a great position to play around with edging. Edging is where you get almost to the point of orgasm, then stop and this is repeated. The build up of almost having an orgasm repeatedly can make for a more explosive orgasm when you finally do.
In summery these are 3 pegging positions we believe you should try first, each having a different sensation for you both to experience. It’s ok not to like them all, everyone is different and it’s all about finding whats enjoyable for you. When you find what you like then you can explore different variations on that position.
Let us know your top tips and what position or positions you enjoy the most when it comes to pegging in the comments below.
As part of our Sexual Health Week series, we are interviewing a number of people who are involved in the adult industry. Today we are chatting to Jasmine from Jet Setting Jasmine LLC. She is a life and work partner to King Noir, due to a very busy work schedule we couldn’t reach King Noir so Jasmine kindly decided to represent both of them.
1. Introduce yourself to those people who don’t know you.
Jasmine is a proud owner of Jet Setting Jasmine LLC, Royal Fetish Films and Body Altitudes Health and Fitness: Home of Steel and Stilettos Fitness™. She is a Licensed Clinical Therapist with a Bachelors of Art in Sociology, Masters of Clinical Social Work and Aging Studies. Her background in Integrated Human Studies has allowed an extensive professional career working with adult clients from a Solutions-Focused/ Exposure Therapy model. Steel and Stilettos Fitness™ , is a lower body workout and empowerment format to the world, the workout that lasts long after it is over. Jasmine’s unconventional approach to intimacy issues has allowed a clients to explore and address deeply rooted intimacy barriers.
King Noire, owner of Jet Setting Jasmine LLC, Royal Fetish Films and Body Altitudes Health and Fitness: Home of Steel and Stilettos Fitness™. There are many adult entertainers but only one who is as driven and passionate about pleasure as King. He began his career as a nude model for magazines and adult websites. King’s clients did not take long to introduce him to the BDSM community. The attractions to his dominate nature lead to request in their serving as his submissives and cuckolds. He enjoyed and learned a great deal during the years of live shows and fetish training. King is also an international recording artist & human rights activist (Hasan Salaam).
Jasmine and King are a two-time recipient of the FetCon 2016 Best Full Feature Length Film: Orally Yours & Collared in the Shadows.
2. How did you both meet?
We met on Jasmine’s radio show at the time, The Emotion Picture. She was doing an interview on behind the scenes of porn and King was a guest. After the show, we exchanged communication about the type of work we were doing and saw a good opportunity to work together. That was 6 years ago and we’ve been at it since!
3. What is it like to be in a relationship while doing porn with other people/your clients?
It’s like every other relationship –communication and honesty solve most anything! We discuss our shoots with one another to make sure it’s a good fit for our brand and our relationship.
4. How long have you been in porn?
King has been in the adult industry since he was 18. I’ve been in the industry for 2 years but in adult entertainment off/on since 1998.
5. Do you have any rules in your relationship to keep you both happy?
Don’t bring in any mess, keep us safe and communicate—even when it hurts to do so.
6. Do you have a preparation routine before a shoot?
Testing Testing Testing! That is always first. Then grooming, we have to make sure everything is waxed/shaved and in the right places!
7. National Health Week has said ‘Porn is made to look good not to feel good’, what’s your thought about it?
There is some truth in that. When we shoot with other companies it is usually about what looks good for the camera. However with Royal Fetish Films we focus on the exact opposite, we want our scenes that feel good and in turn, people that are watching will feel the passion, chemistry and in turn –feel good also.
8. What was the best porn shoot you’ve been part of?
The best shoot for me has been Orally Yours. I really enjoyed King and all of the movement through space. We just enjoyed having sex and the woman that shot it captured the things I love about watching sex –the reactions, the whole body moving and then the close ups.
9. Are there any differences between black and white porn?
There is a difference in how it is portrayed and what roles are available to black vs. white actors/actresses. When the scenes are not scripted or marketed for passion, romance or relatability to the people watching them –that makes a huge difference. Black people experience love and a range of sexual fantasies and activities; these should be better represented.
10. What’s been a low point while on your journey to porn?
The low point has been realizing the level of racism in porn as well as some unsafe work practices of companies, talent agencies, and producers.
11. How do you manage parent life and professional life
We parent and manage as one would with any other profession. We do not schedule work that will interfere with important family events. We have great support from our friends and family when we travel. The kids are very much aware of the work we do and how to manage any negative attention.
12. What are your goals after your porn career?
We are living our goals concurrent to our porn career. We direct, film and edit too so there is so much we can continue to do in porn outside of acting. Both King and I have professional careers. He is an international recording artist, music & history lecturer and human rights activist. I am a clinical therapist and have dedicated my professional career to education and training of health care providers on intimacy and illness/injury and caregiving. We own and operate a health and fitness studio in Palm Harbor, Florida. So if there is an after porn career, we may just continue to expand our other areas of interest or new ones!
13. How different is Porn Sex from Real Sex?
For me—I usually don’t put on makeup or have lots of complimentary lights on for real sex! I also usually know the person I am sleeping with for more than an hour in the green room –usually! Lol, but when I am shooting for my own company –it is real sex and very exciting because of the exhibitionism that is involved. We are kinksters so having someone watch or tape us is pretty much real sex for us on a good day!
Despite the fact that we tend to teach young people that sex is about reproduction the main reason humans actually have sex is for pleasure. For most people sex for reproduction purposes will be something they do on a number of limited occasions throughout their life and for some people it will be something they never ever do. Clearly the key to worry free pleasurable sex is reducing the risks such as contracting sexually transmitted infections and/or pregnancy.
Your contraception needs will change throughout your life, someone in their late teens or twenties will probably have different needs to someone in their 30’s or 40’s. The type of relationship(s) that someone is in and where they are in terms of having children will be just two of the big factors that will affect the type of contraception that they might choose.
So let’s talk about some of the different types of contraception
Both caps and diaphragms are inserted into the vagina, along with spermicide, prior to sex. They work by covering the cervix and creating a barrier so that sperm can’t get into the womb. When used correctly they are 92 – 96% effective. The upside of a cap or diaphragm is that they only need to be inserted when you want to have sex and there are no serious health risks or side affects associated with them but clearly one of the major downsides is that they are not conducive to spontaneous sex. They can also take a bit of time to learn how to insert them and they don’t give any protection against contracting STI’s.
Male condoms are worn over the penis and create a barrier preventing the sperm from reaching the womb. When used correctly they are 98% effective and they are the ONLY form of contraception that also protects against STI’s.
Female condoms work in the same way as male condoms in that they create a barrier preventing sperm from reaching the womb but instead of being worn over the penis it is inserted inside the vagina. When used correctly they are 95% effective and can help prevent the transmission of many STI’s including HIV.
There are two types of contraceptive pill, the Combined Pill and the Progestogen only Pill. They work in slightly different ways but both use hormones to disrupt the female reproduction cycle in some way. If taken regularly they are both 99% effective in preventing pregnancy. The pill is a very convenient method of contraception but there are some medical reasons why some women just can’t use it and there are also some side effects to both types that should be considered.
The implant is a small flexible tube that is inserted by a doctor or nurse underneath the skin in the upper arm and releases a small amount of progestogen which inhibits the body from releasing an egg from the ovary(s). Unlike the pill it is not reliant on the person remembering to take it and so once inserted has a 99% effective rate. It lasts for 3 years but like all hormone based methods it plus and minus’ that need to be considered.
In the UK there are different types of contraceptive injection available and depending on which one you have they last somewhere between 8 and 13 weeks. Like many of the other hormone methods they use progestogen and are 99% effective. However they also share many of the side effects of those methods too and you have to go back every 8 – 13 weeks to have another shot.
The patch is a bit like a nicotine patch that sticks to you and releases the hormones directly into your body through your skin. Each patch lasts for a week, you then replace it with another one for 3 weeks in a row and then you take one week off. The patch is very easy to use but does rely on you remembering when to change it. It is 99% effective when used correctly.
The Vaginal ring is a small, soft, plastic ring that you insert into your vagina and leave there for 21 days. You then remove it and throw it in the bin. 7 days later you insert a new ring. It works by releasing small doses of a combined hormone mix and if used correctly is 99% effective.
The intrauterine system is a small plastic device that is inserted into your uterus by a medical professional. It releases a small dose of hormone directly into your womb and is 99% effective. It stays in place for 3 to 5 years depending on which one you have. It is an increasingly popular form of long term contraception for women.
Like the IUS the Intrauterine device is a small plastic and copper device that is inserted into your uterus by a medical professional. Unlike the IUS it does not release hormones but a small dose of copper which changes the make-up of the fluid which inhibits the survival of the sperm and also stops the egg from implanting. There are various different types of IUD available and depending on which one you pick they last between 5 and 10 years.
Natural Family Planning
This is also known as fertility awareness and involves monitoring various factors to determine when your most fertile time of the month is so that you can avoid sexual intercourse during that period. If done correctly it can be 99% effective but due to the imprecise nature of it and the chances for human error the effect rate is probably more like 75%. Clearly, the up side is there are no side effects to this system but the down side is that it is quite labour intensive and can 3 – 6 months to begin to develop a pattern that you rely on.
This involves a surgical procedure that seals or blocks the fallopian tubes therefore preventing eggs from reaching the womb and being fertilised. It is 99% effective and you will never need to worry about contraception again however it does involved having surgery that always comes with a risk and it should also be viewed as permanent and so you need to be absolutely sure that it is the right decision for you.
Male Sterilisation involves a small procedure that is done under a local anaesthetic where the tube that carries sperm from the testicles to the penis is cut, blocked or sealed. The whole thing takes about 15 minutes and is 99% effective. It is a much easier and less invasive procedure than female sterilisation. For someone who has finished having their family or does not ever want one, it is an ideal long term solution.
How do I pick?
Clearly, that is the key question and the answer is that you should really go and get advice from a professional. What you decide to use will very much depend not just on your current need for contraception but also your age, health, family history and where you are in regards to having or not children. All of the options come with advantages and disadvantages which need to be considered and not all the options will suit everyone so getting good professional advice is the key to helping you decide what it best for you.
If you are in the UK then your nearest GP should be able to help you. When you make an appointment tell them what it is for as they often have dedicated clinics or specific doctors that deal with contraception. There is also a comprehensive guide to all these types of contraception on the NHS website.
However, there are also other organisations you can turn to for help and advice such as
and in the USA
As part of Sexual Health Week 2017, the focus of which is porn, we have invited a number of different people who are involved in the adult industry to come and chat to us here on our blog. Today we have the wonderful Lu Elissa joining us.
1.Introduce yourself to those people who don’t know who you are?
My name is Lu Elissa and I’m a glamour/adult model from London
2.How long have you been an adult performer/Glamour model?
I started 3 years ago after a friend said that I should put some selfies on a modeling website. I did and it just kind of went from there.
3. Give a brief description of what a glamour model is?
The best way I can think to describe a glamour model is to compare it to a fashion model. A glamour model is supposed to appeal to men in a sexual kind of way whereas a fashion model is supposed to appeal to women to sell the clothes she would be wearing. Glamour models don’t need to be tall and will be curvier than a fashion model. So larger boobs and bum, big hair, glamorous makeup etc.
4. What was your first glamour shoot?
My first proper published shoot was for Paul Raymond Publications. I had a makeup artist and everything it was great fun
5. What has been your favorite glamour scene/shoot?
I guess published shoots are always my favorite so anything for mags because it’s quite rewarding. I also like working with other girls for live shows on TV/Web. I’ve done this for both StrictlyXXX and Babestation.
6. Have you ever dated a fan?
I’ve been on a date with a fan, yes and it didn’t end well. I didn’t fancy him and he couldn’t accept it so accused me of “loving myself” and being stuck up. Which isn’t the case, sometimes you just don’t click with people. It did put me off of doing it again a bit!
7. Sexual Health Week have said ‘Porn is made to look good not feel good’ what are your thoughts on that given that what you do might not be considered as porn but is definitely a visual sexual stimulant?
I can’t speak for the big productions but I know with the more amateur stuff I’ve done we do really enjoy doing it. I can definitely tell you that when I make clips at home I do it for real and love it.
8. Do you have any sex tips for people reading?
Probably just take your time, be adventurous and relax
9. What shocked you the most about the adult industry?
Probably just how down to earth and friendly most of us are. I really love working with other girls and meeting people at events.
10. What is it like working on a live broadcast show like Babestation and having that immediate interaction with people?
That’s a really fun, I’m a naturally friendly person as it so enjoys talking to people. I won’t lie though, it’s much harder work then people will assume. I would often get achy joints from leaning on them all day especially elbows and knees. We actually used to call it “Babestation elbow”. Also the constant moving around and imitating sex acts really takes it out of you!
11. You are a Glamour model and adult performer but not a porn actress, is there a reason for this?
There are a few reasons why I don’t do boy girl porn. The main reason being I just wouldn’t enjoy it, not because I don’t like men or sex because I do, but because of the cameras and there being a room full of people. A strange man I have absolutely no connection with then comes in with his giant cock. I just couldn’t relax! I don’t think you should do something you wouldn’t enjoy
12. What are your goals after leaving glamour modeling?
At the moment I’m not sure. My ultimate dream would be to open my own gym/spa but that dream requires a lot of money so if there is a billionaire reading this ready to sweep me off my feet, don’t be shy get in touch haha 🙂 x
Sex with a partner can be a great thing, in fact it should be a pleasurable experience but it is hard to really enjoy it if you are worried about becoming pregnant or catching a sexually transmitted infection. There are lots of different types of options to pick from when it comes to contraception but only one of them is both a contraceptive and a protection against catching a sexually transmitted infection (STI) and that is condoms. Most STI’s are transmitted from person to person through unprotected sex or genital contact. Therefore only a barrier method of contraception can significantly reduce your risk of contracting something.
What is Safe Sex?
Safe sex is all about taking precautions and making sensible decisions to help reduce the risk to both you and your partner(s) of getting at STI. Most people assume that safe sex means just wearing a condom but actually good safe sex practises extend beyond just condom use.
Condom and dental dams
Clearly the key to safe sex is to take actual physical precautions when having sex with another person. Wearing condoms is a must for both vaginal and anal sex. Both male and female condoms provide protection and so it is up to you which one you want to use. However most people prefer male condoms for anal sex but make sure you use plenty of water based lube. This not only makes anal sex more comfortable but it also reduces the risk of the condom tearing and exposing you to potential infection risk.
However condoms alone are not enough. Many STI’s can be transmitted through oral sex and that is where dental dams come in. They are thin square pieces of latex that can be placed over the genitals, such as the vulva or anus to create a barrier between the person giving oral sex and the one receiving. Likewise when performing oral sex on a person with a penis a condom should be worn.
Getting regular STI tests is a vital part of safe sex. Taking precautions is obviously a key step but getting tested really helps to reduce the spread of infections. Many sexually transmitted infections have little or no symptoms and it is very easy to have contracted an infection and have no idea about it. Regular testing means that you are keeping a check on the situation and if you have contracted something then you can get the right treatment for both you and your(s) to stay healthy.
Low risk sexual activity
Another way to reduce your risk of contracting an STI is to engage in low risk sexual activities only.
Low risk sexual activities include kissing, touching your partner’s genitals with your hands, using sex toys with a partner, dry humping (grinding) without clothes, and oral sex. But it is vital to remember that certain sexually transmitted infections can be contracted from oral sex and so using condoms and dental dams to avoid contact with skin and fluids whenever possible.
There are a few totally risk-free ways to get share sexual pleasure with a partner(s) such as mutual masturbation (when you watch each other masturbating, and dry humping (grinding) with your clothes on. Of course not engaging in any sexual activity at all with another person will also work but for most humans this is just not a happy, healthy option and so learning about good safe sex practises is the best option so that you can have an enjoyable sex life.
Talk to your partner
One of the key areas of safe sex is being able to talk to your partner(s) about the subject. Clearly this is not always easy and really depends on the type or longevity of a relationship. If it is a one night stand then the likelihood is you are not going to have a particularly in-depth talk about it, but that is the time that you should take all the physical precautions that you can and that does not mean you shouldn’t mention it at all. Far from it, stating clearly your safe sex practices and making sure a partner understand what that means for them before you both start taking your clothes off is really important.
If a relationship develops beyond that then there is more opportunity to discuss safe sex. It is a subject that many people find difficult to bring up but being able to have open and honest conversations about it with your partners is a vital step in being able to make sensible plans together for to keep everyone as healthy as possible.
Some tips for talking to your partner.
- Sit down and write a list of the things you want to discuss with them and have it close to hand during the discussion that way you won’t forget anything and you don’t have to memorise it all beforehand.
- Be open and honest. Tell them you want to discuss it because you like spending time with them and want to be able to share your thoughts with them on this subject.
- If you find it really difficult to do maybe try bringing up the subject in an email or text and hopefully that will be a stepping stone to an in person conversation.
- As well as being heard it is important to also listen. Try to create an environment where you both feel comfortable, confident and relaxed about sharing.
Ideally you want to work towards being tested together and sharing your results. If you are in an open relationship where one or both of you has other partners then you should be setting up a schedule to have this done regularly but if you are in a closed relationship then testing might be something you do less often.
What is fluid bound?
When a couple (it is usually couple but there is nothing to stop it being a three people or even more) decide to be in a closed relationship together. In other words they commit to only having sexual relationships with each other and no one else, if they all go and get tested at that point and the results are negative then they can decide to stop using barrier methods and they can be referred to as being fluid bound. As long as no one strays outside that bond and has sexual contact with anyone else then all the people within that bonded group can have risk free unprotected sex.
If you have had unprotected sex, or been exposed to someone who has an STI then you seek medical help. There are lots of Sexual Health Clinics you can attend in the UK or even just go to your GP and discuss it with them.
In the USA depending if you have insurance you might be able to go to your GP but if you don’t have any insurance or not sure if your insurance covers it then your best bet is to go to your nearest Planned Parenthood center.
Getting advice is very important but if you think you might have an STI getting tested and finding out for sure is the key to your future health. If you want to know more about different types of infections, how they can be spread and the possible symptoms associated with them then check out this comprehensive guide. Many STI’s can be treated easily with medication and the earlier you catch them and the easier they are to treat and even those that can’t be cured can be well managed with medication but again, early diagnosis is vital, so be smart, use protection, get tested and encourage all your partners to do the same thing.
Strapon sex and pegging doesn’t have to the same old bend over boyfriend. Because of where the prostate sits in relation to the anus, different positions can give him a whole new experience. Likewise, incorporating sex toys into your strapon sex can be just whats needed to spice things up.
Also for an apprehensive partner, bending over can bring up intimidating images of ‘jail house bend over and take it’ scenarios. In this case using different positions is often the key to helping your lover open up to the pleasures that anal sex can hold for him.
Also, like typical PIV sex, different positions during strap-on sex provide different sensations and opportunities to take your strap-on sex to new levels of enjoyment.
Missionary is one of the easiest positions for strap-on sex. In this position, she can sit or kneel comfortably in-between his legs and not having to worry about keeping balance. Also, it’s easy to see his anus and guide the phallus in without having to awkwardly fumble around. With him on his back, there’s full access to his penis and balls and he has full access to her breasts. With a bit of imagination, this position can be incorporated in a variety of ways. Such as, a pillow can be positioned to lift his bottom up for easier access or he can even be on the edge of the bed with her standing-between his legs.
Cowboy is a fun position that allows him to be in the driver’s seat. With the female partner laying on her back and him straddling her body, he’s in full control of the angle, depth, and pace of penetration. This is ideal for those women who are a bit nervous about taking control. It can also be adapted to reverse cowboy to give him a different sensation.
Like a missionary, he’s fully exposed for extra stimulation and with eye to eye there’s connection and ease of communication between you both.
The lap dance is another great position that allows him to be in full control of the fun. With the woman sitting in a chair, he straddles her lap either facing her or turned around backwards. In this position, she can easily reach his penis for extra stimulation.
Tailgate is a good position for those who enjoy rear entry. With him lying face down and her lying on top of him, this position allows you have skin to skin contact. She’s in complete control of the penetration and can feel extra stimulation herself by grinding her clit against the dildo’s base.
Spooning is another fun position for the skin to skin contact. However, unlike Tailgate, in this position, his penis is exposed for extra stimulation. Spooning works well for couples of different body sizes and heights. When enjoying strap on sex in this position, penetration is shallow and a longer dildo might be needed to reach the P-spot.
Doggie style is probably the most common position used for strap on sex. Perfect for ladies who are new to pegging, this position allows her to easily penetrate and maneuver. It allows her to clearly see his anus, find her center of gravity and get used to the rhythm of thrusting. Also, it’s easy for him to stimulate his penis in this position. Doggie style is also great for those who desire to explore dom/sub role-playing, his bottom is up and ready to be spanked while you play.
In any position where his manhood is exposed, a sex toy can be add. Toys such as a Fleshlight can give him a whole new experience. Not only is he able to feel stimulation both anally and on his penis, it’s a fun way to fulfill a threesome fantasy without actually bringing in another partner. The Fleshlight can be held by either partner or in-between cushions to hold it in place.
Another fun toy to use during strap on sex is a wand; preferably cordless. With a wand massager placed on the dildo, the vibrations can be felt throughout the dildo to stimulate his prostrate and her vulva at the same time. A wand massager can also be held against his perineum or the penis’ head for more intense sensations. Although wands are fun to use in this fashion, any vibrator can be used.
You can take your strap on play to a whole new level by exploring dom/sub roles. Positions such as Doggie Style gives full access to his turned up bottom for a spanking. Using paddles, floggers or even a short crop can be just what your new sub needs to be a good boy.
These by no means are the only ways to enjoy pegging, virtually any position will work well. Use your imagination and be creative. Because of where the prostate is in relation to the anus, each position will feel different for him and open up new possibilities for extra stimulation.
There’s no right or wrong way to play. No matter what position you choose, remember, have fun and explore.
This blog post was written by Lori originally for ThatPosition (site offline).
When I first indulged in strap on sex with my partner, the intimacy and intensity of that experience were more than enough to have us hooked, but like any sexual activity, familiarity and repetition can dull that flame of lust. Not one to ever settle for less and being a firm believer that variety really is the spice of life, I set about finding new ways to add something extra to our pegging sessions and ultimately find new ways to elevate our arousal to whole new levels. Let’s take a look at some of the ways you can spice up your strap-on sex sessions.
Tips for the person wearing the strap-on:
The assumption is that if you are wearing the strap-on, you will receive very little physical stimulation when pegging your partner and in theory, this does make sense. After all, you are essentially buckling your crotch into a harness and maneuvering your body into various positions that don’t make it easy to reach your own genitals, let alone pleasure them. However, the beauty of strap-on sex is being able to penetrate your partner while at the same time having both hands free to provide further stimulation, connection, and warmth, so with a little imagination and some tweaks here and there, you can make a huge difference to your experience during a pegging session.
Let’s begin with the strap-on harness.
There are many different designs on the market and many manufacturers have given some thought to the pleasure of the wearer. You can find open crotch harnesses (jock strap harnesses, for example) that allow direct, unobstructed access to the genitals and even lingerie style harnesses like the Spare Parts Sasha, which come with pockets built in the gusset area. These pockets can hold small clitoral sex toys, like bullet vibrators. Look out for these options when purchasing your strap-on harness.
Of course, harnesses lacking the above options can still be experimented with. An example would be using the strapping material from harnesses that do cover the genitals (like the thong style, or lingerie style harness), to hold a sex toy in place. Depending on the strength and hold of the material, you could successfully use some harnesses to hold a flat based dildo, or a butt plug inside you and even hold a clitoral vibrator against your body. You might think that harnesses with an open crotch design would not allow for this kind of play but you can still create a similar effect by wearing a pair of tight fitting underwear beneath the harness itself. Experimentation is key.
Your position is also important.
There are certain positions that will make it much harder to access your genitals. An example of this would be him on top. Unless you have exceptionally long arms, you will find that his torso and thighs simply get in the way and your own legs tend to be squeezed together by his thighs anyway. Spoons position will allow you to reach down between your legs, but this position requires you to raise your leg to gain access and that can become tiring very quickly. In my experience, the most successful positions for self-pleasure is doggy style and my personal favorite; them on their back with a pillow under their butt, while I kneel between their legs. This position allows you to reach down between your own legs or alternatively, reach out to stimulate their genitals, while still maintaining eye contact.
Add something extra
Despite finding the perfect strap-on and discovering positions that allow for easier access, it can still be difficult to successfully pleasure yourself. If you are anything like me, you might find it difficult to maintain a rhythmic thrusting motion while trying to stroke yourself at the same time. This is where sex toys come in and one of the easiest and most enjoyable ways to stimulate your own genitals during strap-on sex is through the use of couple’s sex toys, like the We-Vibe 4 and the Lelo Tiani. These C-shaped vibrators are designed to provide a dual stimulation, as one section is inserted into the vagina and the other curves over your vulva, providing a direct and constant stimulation to your clitoris.
A variation of the couple’s vibrator and another sex toy I get a lot of pleasure from during strap-on play is the remote controlled love egg. (The Lelo Lyla is a classic example.) These oval shaped vibrators can be inserted into your vagina before you attach your strap-on harness and they will provide vibrations and stimulation to your g-spot as you thrust, move and even squeeze around them. Love eggs can also be used to stimulate your clitoris, in a similar way to bullet vibrators and thanks to their petite size, you will often find that they fit nicely into those pockets found on certain harnesses. If your harness does not contain pockets, simply use the strapping on your harness, or wear a pair of tight fitting underwear beneath, to hold the sex toy in position.
As you can probably imagine, being able to control your love egg (or any other sex toy) remotely is a huge advantage during strap-on sex, because once the harness is attached, it becomes a lot more difficult to make pattern changes manually. Having a small controller to click is so much easier and I am sure I don’t need to tell you just how exciting it can be to pass that remote to your partner and allow them to control your pleasure as you indulge them in theirs.
Spicing it up for the receiver:
We have proved it possible that the person wearing the harness can receive pleasure and spice up their strap-on experience, but what about the person on the receiving end? It might be said that the receiver is already enjoying themselves, but there are still a number of things you can do to add new sensations to the session for them.
Pick the right dildo
The most obvious thing to consider is the strap-on dildo. These dildos come in a wide range of sizes, shapes, and materials and choosing the right size is important for comfort and ease of use, but beyond this, you should also think about texture and the firmness of the material. Highly textured, firm materials will feel quite intense and imposing, whereas softer materials will conform to the body more, feel gentle and provide a more ‘realistic’ experience. You want to consider the psychological elements at play too. If you or your partner fantasize about being penetrated by a real penis, it would heighten the experience to purchase a dildo that looked realistic, or one designed to ejaculate. Heighten the fantasy and you will heighten the experience for you both.
Alternative options for temperature play include placing your dildo in the fridge, or into a basin of icy cold water for five minutes before use (Do not put the dildo in the freezer. Cold burns are painful) If your partner prefers a warmer experience, simply place the dildo into some hot (not boiling) water before play.
Lube is a must
Now, we all know that lubricant is a must for anal sex, but most of us will not consider how our choice in the lubricant can alter the experience. Silicone or oil based lubricants are among the best for anal sex because they do not dry up quickly and they provide a silky soft buffer that reduces friction. Silicone and water-based lubricants work best for vaginal penetration. For a completely unique sensation though, you should invest in some specialty lubricants that produce cooling, warming or tingling sensations on the skin. Always do a small patch test first, to ensure the sensation is enjoyable and then simply apply a few drops to the dildo, vagina or anus before you begin to penetrate.
Get things buzzing
If you are looking for a way to really ramp up the intensity that he or she feels against their prostate or g-spot, I recommend purchasing a vibrating dildo to use in your strap-on harness. The most common options for strap-on play include remote-controlled vibrating dongs, dildos with a hole in the base, into which you can insert a bullet vibrator and even strapless strap-ons (The latter are also great for providing internal stimulation for both partners at the same time), but if you already have a favourite strap-on dildo and want to experiment with vibration, you could always invest in a vibrating cock ring and attach that to the base of the dildo. Ensure you choose a fairly chunky cock ring, like the Lelo Bo, if you intend on using this for anal sex. You want to avoid any potential risk of losing the ring inside the anus.
Adding a spark
For the daring among you, who fancy trying something completely unique, I recommend introducing electro stimulation to your strap-on sessions. Electro stimulation uses pads, rings, and probes to provide a tingling electrical current that feels somewhat similar to vibrations and these devices can produce a whole range of sensations, from a gentle tingle to an extremely intense buzz. Some devices, like the Electrostim Flick, allow two people to create a circuit between their bodies and you can both share the stimulation from this device. Using an electro stim device in this way turns every touch into a tingling pleasure.
The best advice I can give you though is to never be afraid to experiment, laugh, love and learn together. Go into each session with an open mind and an aim to discover what pleases you and your partner, both mentally and physically. This way, your strap-on sex sessions will not only be mutually fulfilling, but orgasmic for you both.
This blog post was originally written and published by Gritty Woman.