Strap On ·

How to Choose Your First Strap-On: Harnesses, Dildos, and Materials Explained

So you think you’re ready to try strap-on sex. You’ve read up on the basics, deconstructed the myths, and you’re ready to give it a go… but you don’t know how to choose the right harness and dildo for you. Perhaps you’ve even visited an adult store in person or browsed a catalogue online, but got completely overwhelmed by the dizzying array of choices on offer. 

If this sounds familiar, it makes total sense. With hundreds of thousands of adult products on the market, it can be almost impossible to know where to start. In this simple guide, I’ll break down the key things to look for to make strap-on shopping breezy, stress-free, and even fun. 

Types of Strap-On Harnesses

There are countless styles and designs of strap-on harnesses on the market, but most of them fall into one of a few basic categories: 

  • Harness briefs or harness pants look like regular underwear (such as knickers or boxers) but have an O-ring at the front for the wearer to insert a dildo. 

  • Jockstrap or three-strap harnesses have adjustable straps that fit around the legs and sit just under the butt cheeks, another that sits around the waist or hips, and a panel at the front for the O-ring. 

  • G-string or thong harnesses are the most minimalist design, with one strap that sits around the waist or hips and another running between the legs. 

  • Strapless strap-ons remove the need for a harness entirely, instead having a shaft or bulb that sits inside the wearer’s vagina and is attached to the main dildo. 

What’s the Best Strap-On Harness for Beginners? Factors to Consider When Choosing a Harness 

From fit and materials to cost, there are lots of factors to consider when you’re choosing a strap-on harness. Let’s look at some of the most important. 

Stability and ease of use 

Underwear harnesses and jockstrap harnesses tend to be the most structured, stable, and easy to use. This makes them more beginner-friendly. 

G-string harnesses can look sexy but can also move a lot during use, meaning you may need to use a hand to maintain the right dildo position. Strapless strap-ons are much harder to use than their harness-based counterparts and I don’t recommend them for beginners. 

Materials 

Popular materials for strap-on harnesses include leather, faux or vegan leather, silicone, cotton, and synthetic materials such as nylon or polyester. These are all great options that can both look sexy and perform well. 

If you’re planning to use your strap-on with more than one partner, you may wish to avoid real leather, which is porous. Silicone and most faux leathers can be wiped clean, and many cotton or synthetic fabric harnesses can be run through the washing machine. Always check the care instructions for your harness. 

Size, fit, and comfort 

Always measure yourself and check the sizing of a harness before you buy. Jockstrap harnesses tend to be particularly adjustable, while underwear harnesses come in many different sizes. If you and your partner are both planning to wear the harness and you’re different sizes, or if your body size tends to fluctuate, choose a harness with a greater range of adjustability.

Comfort matters, too. Many people find underwear or jockstrap harnesses more comfortable, while others prefer the minimal coverage of a G-string harness. Choose fabrics which feel good against your skin, whatever that looks like for you. 

Style

Yes, aesthetics matter! Harnesses come in all different colours and styles, from simple and functional to ornate. Harnesses come in neutral or colourful shades, and some are adorned with lace, corset-style lacing, or other decorative elements. 

The right harness for you should be one that makes you feel hot, sexy, or beautiful. If gender expression is important to you, choose a harness that aligns with how you want to feel and be viewed in your gender. 

Why Silicone is the Gold Standard for Strap-On Dildos

Dildos come in many different materials, from soft materials such as jelly, thermoplastic elastomer (TPE) and thermoplastic rubber (TPR) to hard materials such as glass, aluminium, and stainless steel. However, not all sex toy materials are safe for your body. 

Many soft dildo materials, particularly jelly and gel-like materials, are toxic. They often contain additives including phthalates, which are harmful and may be carcinogenic. These toys can cause irritation, infection, and even chemical burns. While other materials, such as TPE and TPR, are technically non-toxic, they’re also porous. This means they can never be fully cleaned and will eventually start to break down. 

While rigid materials such as glass and stainless steel are body-safe, they’re not ideal for strap-on sex. They are likely to be too heavy for the wearer to thrust comfortably. They can also be harder to control, and do not usually have suitable bases for strap-on compatibility. 

Silicone, though, is a soft and smooth material that is non-porous, non-toxic, phthalate-free, and easy to clean. For all these reasons, silicone is the only dildo material I recommend for strap-on sex. 

How to Choose a Dildo for Strap-On Sex

The choice of silicone dildos on the market is near endless. Here are a few factors you’ll want to consider as you choose your first strap-on dildo. 

Size

Bigger is not always better. When choosing a dildo, consider what size insertables you and/or your partner enjoy as well as what size the harness-wearer thinks they could comfortably wield. Unless the receiving partner is both highly experienced and knows they like large   , start with a smaller dildo. You can always move on to a larger one later. 

For pegging or anal strap-on sex, in particular, we recommend starting small and working your way up. 

Shape and texture 

Personally, I love curved dildos and find they work much better for targeted G-spot or prostate stimulation during strap-on sex. Your preferences may be different. If in doubt, think about how you like to be stimulated by your own or your partner’s fingers. If you prefer a hooked, “come hither” motion you might prefer a curved dildo, whereas if you prefer a straight, “in and out” motion you might prefer a straight dildo. 

I usually recommend starting with a smooth dildo, though those who know they like intense internal stimulation may wish to experiment with textured dildos. 

Base

Dildos can have various different base designs including a flat base, suction cup base, faux “balls”, or even no base at all. Broad, flat, or suction cup bases are ideal for strap-on sex as they help to anchor the dildo in place. It is possible to use a dildo with balls or a chunky base for strap-on sex, but they tend to get in the way and make things uncomfortable for the wearer. 

Aesthetics

Again, yes, it matters! Dildos can be plain or colourful or sparkly, realistic or abstract. Choose a dildo whose colour or design makes your heart sing. 

Don’t Forget the Lube

For pegging or anal play, lube is essential to do it safely, but it’s also an important addition for vaginal strap-on sex. Choose a good water-based lube without glycerin or parabens, apply it liberally, and add more as needed as you play. Lube makes everything better, especially strap-on sex.

Keep Exploring

Hi, I’m Amy. I’m a sex and relationships writer and the owner of Coffee & Kink, where I’ve been providing queer-led, pleasure-focused sex education and pleasure product reviews for almost 10 years. I’m delighted to be working with Godemiche to bring you this series of educational content on all things strap-on sex. 

You can find the full series here: 

 

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