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The Anatomy of Pleasure: Why Strap-On Sex Feels So Good

If you’ve heard people talk about strap-on sex or seen it in porn, you might be wondering whether it’s really as much fun as it looks. Or perhaps you’ve tried strap-on sex and you’re curious about just why it feels so good. 

Well, buckle in, because in this post we’re getting nerdy about pleasure, anatomy, and our bodies. 

Pleasure Anatomy for People with a Penis: The Prostate 

Have you ever wondered “why does pegging feel good?” The answer is the prostate, AKA the P-spot. 

Almost everyone who was assigned male at birth (AMAB) has a prostate. The prostate is a gland about the size of a walnut, which sits below the bladder and in front of the rectum, wrapping around the urethra. 

Biologically speaking, its main function is to produce and secrete seminal fluid, which is released during ejaculation along with sperm from the testicles. But the prostate can also be an incredible source of pleasure. It is highly sensitive and can be stimulated directly through anal penetration or indirectly via the perineum (the area between your external genitals and your anus.) 

The prostate is usually fairly easy to find via anal penetration with your fingers. It is located on the front wall of the rectum, typically about 2” inside, and feels like a fleshy or squishy bulb. Direct P-spot stimulation can feel very intense, and might make you feel a little like you need to pee. This is normal. 

Prostate Orgasm Guide 101: What You Need to Know 

Some people can orgasm through prostate stimulation without needing to directly involve the genitals at all. This can happen with or without ejaculation, and may or may not involve the penis getting erect. 

As with the vaginal orgasm, not everyone can experience a prostate-only orgasm. So if you can’t get there without adding genital stimulation, you’re perfectly normal. 

If you want to try experiencing a prostate orgasm through pegging, toys, or manual stimulation, here are a few things to know: 

  • The more aroused you are when you start, the better. Take your time and incorporate plenty of foreplay.

  • If you’re using toys, start with a slim dildo that’s not too long, such as the Godemiche Peg.

  • Take your time and try not to be too goal-oriented; as long as you’re having fun, you’re doing it right. 

  • During pegging, consider asking your partner to penetrate you and then use a grinding or rocking motion or stay still so you can grind against the toy. This can be more effective than a thrusting in-and-out motion. 

  • Don’t scrimp on lube. Always add more than you think you need. 

  • Breathe deeply and consciously relax your anal sphincter (the muscles around the opening.) 

  • Experiment with different positions; if you want to control the depth and speed of penetration, try being on top. 

  • Try to stay with intense sensations to see where they take you, but never push through pain or discomfort. 

Pleasure Anatomy for People with a Vulva: The G-Spot, A-Spot, and Internal Clitoris 

It’s hardly news that people with a vagina often enjoy having it penetrated. Vaginal penetration with a penis is still the activity most commonly referred to as “sex.” (Needless to say, I reject this categorisation. Hand sex is sex, oral sex is sex, playing with sex toys together is sex, kink and BDSM can be sex… and yes, strap-on sex is sex.)  

It follows, then, that penetration with a strap-on dildo would be similarly pleasurable for someone with a vagina. 

There are three main anatomical features that play a role in making penetrative sex, whether with a penis or a toy, feel so good: the G-spot, the A-spot, and the internal clitoris. 

The G-Spot

The G-spot is a highly sensitive erogenous zone located 1-3” inside the vagina on the front (anterior) wall. However, contrary to popular belief, the G-spot is likely not actually a separate and distinct part of the vaginal anatomy. Scientists have tried to prove its existence as a specific, physiological structure, but have been unable to do so. 

According to a 2017 study: “Specifically, there is no apparent erectile or “spongy” tissue in the anterior vaginal wall, except where the urethra abuts the clitoris distally.” In other words, what we think of as the G-spot is likely a part of the internal clitoral network. 

Even so, the vast majority of people with a vulva can experience intense pleasure when the area known as the G-spot is stimulated. To find yours, insert one or two fingers into your vagina when you’re aroused and curl them towards the front of your body. You might need to experiment with different depths to find the spot that feels best to you.   

The G-spot’s positioning on the front wall of the vagina is one of the reasons curved dildos can feel so good. 

Fun fact: the term “G-spot” was coined by sexologist Dr. Beverly Whipple after German gynaecologist Ernst Gräfenberg, who famously reported in 1950 that "an erotic zone always could be demonstrated on the anterior wall of the vagina along the course of the urethra." The alternate name “Whipple Tickle” was also suggested, but ultimately rejected. 

The A-Spot

The medical name for the A-spot is the anterior fornix. It’s located 4-6” inside the vagina on the front vaginal wall, between the cervix and bladder.

Unlike the G-spot, stimulating the A-spot with fingers (your own or a partner’s) can be difficult unless you have large hands because it is located so deep in the vagina. Toys such as dildos and strap-ons are amazing for this purpose. If you enjoy deep penetration with long and curved dildos, it might be your A-spot that’s responsible. 

A word of caution: the A-spot is located close to the cervix, which some people find painful when touched. Go slowly and carefully if you’re exploring A-spot stimulation for the first time, and stop if something doesn’t feel right. 

Sex writer Kate Sloan has an amazing piece on the A-spot, if you’d like to learn more about this little-known erogenous zone. 

The Internal Clitoris

The sensitive bump towards the top of the vulva in the middle is what we most commonly think of as the clitoris. But actually, the part you can see is only a small part of the whole clitoral structure. 

The entire clitoral structure is a complex network of nerves and erectile tissue typically ranging from 3.5” to 4.25” in length. This tissue fills with blood and swells when you’re aroused, increasing sensitivity and feelings of pleasure. 

This means that one of the reasons penetrative sex, including strap-on sex, feels good is that you’re actually stimulating the hidden internal portion of the clitoris., 

Fun fact: you know that commonly-cited statistic that the clitoris has 8000 nerve endings? Turns out that’s wrong and was based on a study done on cows. (Yes, really.) When scientists finally fact-checked this, they found that the average number for humans is actually over 10,000 (Peters et al 2023.)

A Quick Word on Vaginal Orgasm 

The overwhelming majority of cisgender women and others with vulva require at least some direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. 

According to one study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, just 18.4% of the 1055 women surveyed (who ranged in age from 18 to 94) reported that intercourse alone was sufficient for them to reach orgasm. 

So if you’re someone who needs clitoral stimulation to get off, don’t stress–you’re in the majority and you’re perfectly normal.  

Learn More About Strap-On Sex 

Hi, I’m Amy. I’m a sex and relationships writer and the owner of Coffee & Kink, where I’ve been providing queer-led, pleasure-focused sex education and pleasure product reviews for almost 10 years. I’m delighted to be working with Godemiche to bring you this series of educational content on all things strap-on sex. 

You can find the full series here: 

 

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