Strap-On Sex: The Complete Guide
Strap-on sex is when one partner wears a dildo, usually in a harness, to penetrate the other. That's the whole idea. It works for any bodies and any pairing: two women, a woman and a man, queer and trans couples or solo. When the person being penetrated is a man, it's often called pegging, but strap-on play is far bigger than any one label.
Here's what trips people up: a strap-on isn't one thing you buy, it's two, a dildo and a harness plus a few choices that make it feel right for you. This guide walks you through all of it: what it is, why it feels good, how to bring it up, what to buy and how to actually do it. No shame, no assumptions, no jargon.
One more thing before we dive in: we didn't write this alone. The whole series was created with Amy of Coffee & Kink, a sex and relationships educator who's spent the best part of ten years doing pleasure-focused, queer-led sex education. So everything here is straight-talking, shame-free and genuinely expert. You're in good hands.
Start here — understand it
What strap-on sex actually is
New to all this? Start at the beginning. Our Strap-On Sex 101 guide covers what it is, who it's for and why so many people love it, the calm, judgement-free primer we wish everyone got.
It's not just for lesbians
Strap-on sex carries a pile of myths, that it's only for gay women, that wanting it says something about your sexuality, that it's a niche kink. None of it holds up. We take the big ones apart in busting the biggest strap-on myths.
Why it feels so good
There's real anatomy behind the pleasure, the prostate, a dense knot of nerve endings, and the emotional side of giving and receiving. If you're the type who wants to understand why before you try, the anatomy of pleasure explains exactly what's going on.
Get past the barrier
The gear is the easy part. The nerves are what stop most people, so let's deal with those.
Talking to your partner
Raising it is the scariest step, and how you do it matters. How to talk to your partner about trying a strap-on covers timing, framing and handling an "I'm not sure" without it becoming a big thing.
For men who want to try but feel nervous
If you're a man doing quiet late-night research and wondering what wanting this means, read pegging and masculinity. Short version: it doesn't make you any less of a man and it doesn't make you gay. It makes you someone with a prostate who's curious. That's it.
Choose your gear
A strap-on is two parts. Get both right and everything else is easier.
Choosing your first strap-on
Harness style, dildo shape, size, material, it's a lot for a first-timer. How to choose your first strap-on breaks down harnesses, dildos and materials so you buy with confidence instead of guesswork.
Strapless strap-ons
Prefer hands-free, with pleasure for both of you at once? Strapless is its own thing, with its own knack. Strapless strap-ons: what they are and how to use them covers how they stay put and the positions that work best.
A note on what we make
We make the dildo, handmade to order in the UK, in the shape, firmness and colour you choose, designed to pair with any standard O-ring harness you like. So you're free to build the setup that suits you: our dildo, your harness.
Do it right
Your first time
Prep, lube, positioning, pacing and talking to each other while it happens, your first time using a strap-on is the calm, step-by-step guide people bookmark and come back to.
Staying safe
Lube compatibility, cleaning, body-safe materials and knowing when to slow down. Strap-on safety is the no-nonsense guide to doing this well and looking after yourselves.
Best positions
Once you've found your feet, the best positions for strap-on sex opens things up, beginner to adventurous, with diagrams so you can actually see what goes where.
What every Godemiche dildo has in common
Whatever you pair it with, our dildos are handmade to order in the UK from platinum silicone, the same body-safe, non-porous material used in medical and food-grade applications, certified to ISO 10993-10. Non-porous means it won't harbour bacteria the way cheaper, porous toys can, which matters more for strap-on and anal play than almost anywhere else. There's no "standard" one on a shelf; yours gets made when you order it.
Why the material matters is worth its own read: staying safe goes into it.
Strap-on FAQs
Does pegging make a man gay?
No. Enjoying prostate stimulation is about anatomy, not sexuality. Plenty of straight men love it. Who you're attracted to and what feels good are two completely separate things.
Is strap-on sex just for lesbians?
No. Strap-on sex is for any bodies and any pairing, straight, gay, queer or trans. The idea that it belongs to one group is a myth, not a fact.
What do I need to get started?
Two things: a dildo and a harness. Godemiche makes body-safe silicone dildos designed to fit any standard O-ring harness, so you can pair ours with a harness that suits you. Add a good water-based lube and you're set.
Does strap-on sex hurt?
It shouldn't. Done with plenty of lube, a comfortable size and a slow, communicative pace, it's not painful. Our first-time and safety guides walk you through exactly how to keep it comfortable.
How do I bring it up with my partner?
Gently, honestly and without pressure. Pick a relaxed moment, frame it as something you're curious about together, and give them room to think. Our full guide on talking to your partner covers it step by step.
Do you sell harnesses?
Yes we do but we dont make them. We make the dildos, not the harnesses — designed to fit any standard O-ring harness. That leaves you free to choose the harness that fits your body and budget and pair it with a Godemiche dildo made just for you.
Meet your guide
This series was written by Amy, a sex and relationships writer and the owner of Coffee & Kink, where she's spent almost ten years providing queer-led, pleasure-focused sex education and honest product reviews. We're proud to have worked with her to make this the guide we wish everyone had.
Ready to start?
Every Godemiche strap-on dildo is handmade to order in the UK, in the shape, firmness and colour you choose — built to pair with the harness that's right for you.